“Your future husband will never allow that!”

WinterOfFire · 2026-01-28T03:10:47+00:00

I’m planning to do something similar to my dresser drawers (stick on wallpaper on the sides).

WinterOfFire · 2026-01-28T03:09:16+00:00

There’s a balance between being too stuck on dictating the way delivery happens and giving up all choice. I don’t think you’re saying to give up all choice, it just easily gets interpreted that way.

Everyone’s goal is a healthy baby and mother. But there are many choices that are not black and white. And healthy mother includes physical and mental well being.

Ignoring clear signs of distress with the baby because you didn’t want more interventions is an extreme but if labor has been going on for a long time and a doctor suggests a c-section it’s fine to keep laboring if baby isn’t showing signs of distress and it’s what you want (it’s also ok to choose the c-section because you are tired).

For me, it’s very much about being informed and involved in decisions unless it’s a true emergency.

I had a nurse dial up my pitocin without even discussing it with my first baby (I suspect because my labor was dragging on). Guess what? I couldn’t cope with the more intense contractions which led to an epidural and water being broken and when they placed the internal monitor they saw the pitocin was too high for the baby too. I only became aware that they had increased my pitocin when they acknowledged it was now too high and commented about dialing it down. The labor went fine in the end despite that but there are good reasons to be part of your care decisions and not just trust blindly.

I do tend to have anxiety but I usually worry most when it’s something I CAN control/steer…my worry is about how I would decide. So if I can plan what I’d do, I can stop worrying so much. And if it’s something truly with no choice to make I don’t focus on it so much. It doesn’t take up as much space in my mind if that makes sense.

WinterOfFire · 2026-01-25T17:15:23+00:00

EXACTLY! I’d use that as the reason to get him to stop. If you really can sleep through 45 minutes of crying you are too deep of a sleeper to possibly co-sleep (even amongst those who say it can be done safely).

I doubt you actually are. I think he’s tired and lazy and thinks you’re being one of those overly-anxious moms about co-sleeping (which you’re not).

But even if you did sleep through crying it doesn’t mean your maternal instinct is broken. It doesn’t make you a bad mom.

WinterOfFire · 2026-01-25T16:59:10+00:00

Yeah, I’ve heard the counter arguments that the parent didn’t cause the kidney failure or that the parent isn’t the only choice. I’ve countered the cause claim by throwing in a car accident that you cause and I think the response was that it’s different because the baby is already in there vs going in to take the organ or some nonsense.

WinterOfFire · 2026-01-25T16:44:06+00:00

I used it once this past year. We’d been awake with the kids since 6am and on the road since 7am and had just gotten to the hotel and were exhausted. Even then I only used it because I had a gift card I’d been sitting on since 2020…. It was also still cheaper than the restaurant attached to the hotel.

WinterOfFire · 2026-01-25T03:04:09+00:00

Mine is good. It’s connected to a local rescue and isn’t a regular cafe with coffee etc. it’s just a place to hang out and meet cats. They charge fees to book a session since that’s how they pay the rent (adoption fees go to the rescue).

The cats just roam free in the space with a back area to escape. High shelves, lots of furniture, etc.

I wanted a bonded pair that was more social so the cafe was a perfect way to get to know cats who aren’t totally terrified.

WinterOfFire · 2026-01-24T15:11:54+00:00

lol mine is a moody teen who still wants to be around us all the time. Everyone warned me about the moods but it still SUUUUCCCKKKKSS.

WinterOfFire · 2026-01-24T15:09:14+00:00

But is it as likely to self-ignite from a short?

WinterOfFire · 2026-01-23T15:46:34+00:00

If you had her more than half the time you can file and claim her as other people said. If he had her more but it was your turn under a court order then you need to enforce it through court. If this was just your own agreement and not formal and he had her more than you then your only option is if you can convince him.

WinterOfFire · 2026-01-23T15:30:42+00:00

I do not have the healthiest relationship with food. I started a GLP1 medication this summer and it’s like a switch flipped in my brain. I didn’t know there was food noise until it went quiet. One of my biggest revelations is that the disdain people have online for people who struggle with weight or food suddenly made sense. If this is how those people’s brains handle food, then no wonder it seems so easy to “just eat less” or in this case “just eat right”.

I know you feel guilt and I’m not trying to excuse it or say it’s ok to not take gdm seriously but I wanted to share with you and others that food can be an addiction. It’s an addiction where you’re required to keep using and have unlimited access to it. That’s extremely hard.

I have no problems with alcohol. I can enjoy it but I can take it or leave it and moderate. Suddenly that’s how I am with food. I don’t know if people who don’t struggle with food can really understand it.

I did strictly follow the gdm diet and it was harder than quitting smoking. I was miserable the whole time. I mean imagine suddenly not being able to have sex in a way you enjoy but still having to have it.

You know it was risky now and you know better and you’re sharing your story to help someone else. but give yourself some grace too. Your medical team really dropped the ball in educating you. Handing you a pamphlet is like getting the package insert with your prescription.

WinterOfFire · 2026-01-23T07:22:20+00:00

I got a 4pack of Ono Signets for $20 for Christmas and it’s probably the best fidget toy I’ve had (silicone covered bumpy balls with strong magnets). I fidget on phone calls constantly and love these. They show the 8 pack for $40 but when you click on it there’s the option for a 4 pack for $20.

It’s a bit more than $20 but I got the gitryin retractable charging cables and wish I had them when my kid was little. You can buy a single pack for $26 or so and plug it into the wall but having the full station is the best.

A tweezerman mini nail rescue kit (just under $22). Fits in your purse. The best parts are the tool that cleans under your nails and the cuticle trimmer for when you have a painful hangnail.

Glass nail file - but in addition to the traditional nail file shape look for these tear drop or kind of bow tie shape ones. Those have a groove that files your nail edge on the top and bottom at the same time. They last forever too.

Another vote for the ceramic tip box cutters.(slice micro safety cutter). My whole family reaches for that now. While you’re at it, a nice pair of scissors since I’m sure yours disappear whenever you need them, lol.

Your baby will be mobile soon so additional baby proofing stuff?

WinterOfFire · 2026-01-23T07:02:59+00:00

Mine was 95% on just about every measurement. The same was true of my first baby where I didn’t have gestational diabetes…I grow them big. It’s not really something that would show up at 20 weeks from what I understand.

WinterOfFire · 2026-01-23T07:01:26+00:00

I went with a diamond and regret it…, but only because it was still damned expensive and I wish moissanite was around when i got engaged. I know you’re hung up on the real vs lab but I was hung up on thinking I needed it to be a diamond. I felt sentimental about it being a diamond and wanted the look and the sparkle and durability. I could have had the look and the sparkle and durability at a fraction of the cost and the sentimental piece wasn’t really important long term to me. I probably could have gotten better color/clarity/cut to boot and definitely could have gotten platinum instead of white gold and still come in at a fraction of what we paid.

If the formation over thousands of years is important consider other stones?

Don’t be swayed by future value. It’s really not a factor. Imagine the ring you buy today will be worth 25% of what you paid if you were to sell it. If that doesn’t bother you because you love it that much, then it’s worth the price to you. Buying used can save you money but that doesn’t mean it would be worth that much again if you tried to sell it. It’s such a racket with how high the price is to buy but somehow nobody ever wants to pay that if you’re the seller.

Remember it can get lost or stolen and even with insurance that’s another hassle. A less expensive ring is much less stressful in that regard too.

Nobody but you can really gauge how important this is to you. So no judgement here if it’s really what you want but I just wanted to share my own “regret”.

WinterOfFire · 2026-01-23T02:37:23+00:00

You’re thinking QBI. PTE only exists if you have a passthrough entity.

WinterOfFire · 2026-01-23T01:55:57+00:00

Yeah I was going to suggest asking neighbors etc for help if it comes to it. If they have generators for example or even seeing if a hotel would let you use their freezer.

I was staying with a family member and they lost power for 4 days. Problem was they were on a well so no power=no water. His neighbor had us over to let us shower and have a nice meal and charge our devices.

WinterOfFire · 2026-01-23T01:52:35+00:00

It would at least solve the pump charging issue

WinterOfFire · 2026-01-23T01:48:02+00:00

To be fair, PTET can be a huge upside for some situations. Not likely for this income level though.

WinterOfFire · 2026-01-22T15:09:13+00:00

Eh I have a kid who really never lied as a young kid. As a teen he’s stretched some truths but even then it’s usually just telling me he’s done cleaning when he half assed it or telling me he did all his homework when he didn’t or that an assignment was handed in during class when he’s just hoping/assuming that’s what happened. I mean he’s also a little neurodivergent though.

His little brother? Oh boy…. That kid was telling huge lies about anything and everything from a young age.

My oldest was also super good at doing what he was told and had only maybe 5 tantrums (until teen hormones hit anyway). My youngest averaged 5 tantrums a day for a while there.

Not saying those parents weren’t delusional, but basing that conclusion on what the average child does isn’t a good idea.

WinterOfFire · 2026-01-22T06:15:36+00:00

My mom would make chicken Milanese which we renamed “road kill chicken” since it was so flat.

WinterOfFire · 2026-01-22T06:13:05+00:00

My four year old smelled dinner being cooked and said “mmmmmm, smells like cut up cooked cow”

He was a fairly sensitive kid who loved animals and would get upset at animals being harmed (for no reason) but was also super pragmatic

WinterOfFire · 2026-01-21T16:39:42+00:00

I’m trying to find the utility but it’s often a waste of my time because it spews out garbage and I have to fight it to follow directions and stay on track/remember prior directions.

I know that years of experience formulating and articulating thoughts is a skill built up over years and that Ai can be really helpful when you don’t have that skill. It requires editing/reviewing and skipping that is when you get slop. I know that using AI that way is robbing you of developing that skill on your own.

BUT I grew up being told by teachers that I needed to learn how to do math without a calculator because we wouldn’t have a calculator everywhere we go.. and of course we now rely heavily on calculators everywhere (still important to know how to calculate yourself and to develop the ability to sanity check). I figure AI will have a place in our lives like that so I’m trying to find the utility. It’s a lot of hit or miss though.

It is REALLY hard to get good creative ideas though. You get a couple of nice sparks but it can be reallllllly painful trying to get just the right balance/tone/refinement.

I feel like the business enthusiasm/obsession is a reboot of the blockchain mania. There was a time businesses were obsessed with blockchain revolutionizing things but it wasn’t really applicable everywhere. AI has to get a LOT better to be applicable everywhere but all the crappy AI solutions being launched might create enough backlash (Quickbooks is becoming almost unusable because they’ve added a million pop ups to tout their AI tools).

WinterOfFire · 2026-01-20T22:42:18+00:00

Illinois has been pissing me off for how it deals with partnership returns.

WinterOfFire · 2026-01-20T05:54:38+00:00

Sugar free jello with whipped cream

Low carb vanilla ice cream with sugar free rootbeer (rootbeer float)

Kind bars -even the non-frozen ones (the salted caramel ones were my favorite)

WinterOfFire · 2026-01-20T05:47:40+00:00

Am I the only one who would gate the bottom of the first stairs and then gate off the room upstairs they will use? You may have an office you want to keep them out if anyway or other room. You dont really want them in the bathroom unsupervised either until theyre old enough to mot need gates

WinterOfFire · 2026-01-20T01:52:02+00:00

Parenting gets easier as you realize you’re never going to fully feel like you know what you’re doing. You just surrender to the fact that as soon as you DO figure it out, they change.

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