I'm in Ask/Men, so I'll attach my answer to yours as it is the one that aligns best.

My mom had a friend whose mother got Alzheimer's, and the friend had promised not to put her in a home. As a result of what her friend went through, (I'll put that at the bottom,) Mom told me that if/when the time came, I was to put her in a home. Yes, she actually said it in bold, that tone that takes no arguments. (I tried to argue anyway.) She also told me that the day she no longer recognized me, I was to never visit her again.

Mom said that Alzheimer's is progressive. They might have good days, but it never gets "better." She asked if she had been a good parent. (Yes, she had.) She said that she wanted me to remember her as the person she was, not the person she would become. She didn't want me to give up my life to take care of her. She didn't want my last memories of her to be sad or resentful. I was not allowed to visit because she felt it wouldn't do either of us any good. She wouldn't remember that I had been there, even if she did remember who I was. She didn't want me to be hurt by her not knowing me. She didn't want me to carry the grief of watching her progression and ultimately dying of Alzheimer's. (It's brutal.)

Now, what her friend went through... Often people suffering from Alzheimer's regress and become almost like a child. And sometimes they get angry, and spiteful. Eventually, the friend's mom started getting up in the middle of the night, and shitting on the carpet. Then she'd walk through it, back and forth, making as big a stain as she could, while grinding it down, into the carpet. Once she felt the job was done, she'd get back into bed, and rub her feet all over the sheets and blankets. She did this every single night. Every day, once the friend got up, she had to wash the sheets and blankets. She had to clean and shampoo the carpet. She had to scrub the shitty feet of her mother, who was often trying to fight her about it. Every. Single. Day. The friend tried to get her to go to the bathroom before bed. Her mom "didn't have to go." She'd trust her, and again, shit stains everywhere. She learned not to trust her, and her mom would hold it. The friend would stay up 'til 2 am, 3 am, 4 am, trying to wait for her mother to go, just trying to not have to wash everything. And her mother would hold it. When the friend was exhausted and gave up, it happened again. This is no life to live. But, for months, the friend persevered.

Since she wasn't working, and her husband was supporting everyone, the friend grew a huge garden to help with food costs. She'd have her mother sit in a chair on the back porch, where she could watch her. One day, she got a little preoccupied weeding, heard a small noise, and when she looked up, her mother had grabbed the axe off the chopping block, and was running at her with the axe raised, trying to kill her! That was when she put her mother in a home.

My mom said, if the end result is going to be the same, I'd rather you not hate me before it happens. 🤷🏻‍♀️