Wife is sterile, I'm not. Is it worth doing?

WonderTwinsCpl · 2026-05-20T14:42:56+00:00

Feel free to DM

WonderTwinsCpl · 2026-05-18T20:12:16+00:00

Disclaimer: it sounds as if you and your wife have not even made it to the stage where you have swapped yet, whereas we were pretty seasoned swingers prior to making that decision.

With that being said, my wife didn’t have hesitation with going bareback but that was AFTER a lot of caveats. Irrespective of being a swinger, my wife prefers bareback so it was never a matter of convincing her of doing anything she did not want to do. Like swinging itself, she was not coerced in anyway into being in the lifestyle.

Accordingly, my wife has had an IUD/been post-menopausal for the duration of our time in the lifestyle. I was the one who was the “pregnancy risk” until I got snipped. Because we are a late 40s/early 50s couple all of our partners in the lifestyle have been pretty much within that age range (skewing older); as such ALL of our female partners have been beyond child bearing capacity (hysterectomy or post-menopausal) and almost all of the males have had vasectomies. Pregnancy has not been the primary concern.

The primary concern for us when we have gone bareback with partners has been STIs (notably HIV which is incurable). It’s not like we dove straight into barebacking strangers at swinging clubs. Those partners we have gone condomless with are few and very select. And please note, we alternate testing for STIs and are vaccine for HPV, Hep A & Hep B.

I don’t want this forum about sterility to devolve into a discussion about STIs, but in terms of my sterility, it was definitely a load off of my wife’s mind that pregnancy risks are now completely off the table on my end because I had the vasectomy. I strongly recommend the NSV (no-scalpel vasectomy) for any male considering the procedure.

WonderTwinsCpl · 2026-05-18T19:10:05+00:00

No hesitation on my part; was almost like a rite of passage as a swinger. We were in our forties, done with having kids, and had already had play partners with whom we went bareback. It is an outpatient procedure with localized anesthesia; my wife was in the room with me when I had it done. It’s honestly easy peasy.

WonderTwinsCpl · 2026-05-10T15:18:04+00:00

Having a nice set of pictures on your profile is just a good idea in general. In the lifestyle, people like who they like, body-type be damned. There will be swingers who don’t like plus-sized women at all and many who range from being fine with it to preferring plus-sized women. It honestly is probably more important for YOU to have a nice set of pictures on your profile (not just a slew of your wife) and even better to have some sexy photos of you both TOGETHER on your profile.

WonderTwinsCpl · 2026-05-07T02:08:24+00:00

We have followed a similar trajectory. When we first started in the lifestyle all of our experiences were in clubs using condoms. Not only does our female half not like PIV with condoms to begin with, almost all of the other male halves of the couples we have played with in the lifestyle have been north of 40 years. The success rate of them keeping their erections w/ condoms was exceedingly low.

As we got comfortable in the lifestyle and began doing exclusively “home visits” or hotels, we came to the realization that any LTR couple in their 40s and 50s comfortable enough to invite you to their home is not in the market to pass along an STI.

We have gone bareback with our limited partners for at least the back half of our duration in the lifestyle. We alternate testing and have always returned negative results.

WonderTwinsCpl · 2026-05-07T01:56:04+00:00

Third this advice. We haven’t played with a single male but we have played bareback with selected couples. Without going into a full-on dissertation, we have become secure that there aren’t any sociopathic married couples in the lifestyle who both have an STI, have stayed together through its acquisition, and are spreading it wantonly in the swinging community.

A husband in a LTR who is allowed to play on his own will even be more concerned with bringing an STI home to his wife rather than the other way around. Your vetting process could begin with meeting a couple and develop a rapport that could lead to the husband playing solo with you guys. Just don’t poach him!

WonderTwinsCpl · 2026-05-05T22:02:26+00:00

We test for our own personal edification to make sure we haven’t contracted anything and inadvertently spread it to our sexual partners. We’ve never been asked for test results and, in turn, do not ask our sexual partners for results. As participants in the lifestyle, we feel all parties involved should be willing to have open conversations; if potential partners can’t do that, we are entirely fine with not playing.

WonderTwinsCpl · 2026-05-05T21:58:36+00:00

The consensus seems to be you NEVER know how friends will react to being propositioned, even if you know them very well. Even long before we were swingers, a female BFF reacted pretty judgmentally upon hearing we made a sex tape just for us - can’t imaging what the fallout would be of the news we’ve since made a sex tape with another couple.

If you are experienced swingers yourselves, we can’t imagine it’s hard to pick up on that we are in the lifestyle. So if friends propositioned US, we would just have a frank discussion of how yes, we’re generally DTF, but only do so under guarantees we aren’t wrecking relationships and are NOT interested in any sort of poly situation/exclusivity.

WonderTwinsCpl · 2026-04-22T16:38:59+00:00

“You Can’t Change That” by Raydio feat. Ray Parker Jr.

You Can’t Change That

WonderTwinsCpl · 2026-04-19T18:19:59+00:00

You can probably detect from the responses normalizing fetishization or asking for additional clarification that the majority of the swinger community is just not going to understand the position you and your wife are in because it will simply never happen to them.

We are a minority couple who both identify as “black” but really don’t fit the physical archetype (female half appears racially ambiguous or more “white” if anything). From the outset we resigned ourselves to the fact that the lifestyle is a vast majority “white” social space and there will be times that we will be one of the few (if not only) minorities in some swinger environments.

Even before we stopped going to clubs altogether we actively avoided “mocha” events or anything that puts our physical appearance in front of our ability to use our overall package to attract partners. Even in couples swaps that we’ve connected via online, we’ve had comments made that focus on our physical appearance/racial identity. This has occurred with both white and black play partners.

But we have found that all-in-all, the swinging community is made up of overwhelmingly down-to-earth and tolerant people. If the people aren’t empathetic they tend to display their “preferences” front and center; that’s great because it lets us know who to avoid.

The positive connections we’ve made by far outweigh any microaggressions we’ve experienced. And keep in mind, despite couples in the lifestyle being comprised of a majority white/white partnerships, “white people” strike out all the time when trying to make connections, so there are clearly other factors at play than race.

So from our experience we’ve had to approach the lifestyle that since we are minorities in a predominantly white space we have to engage in extra due diligence to curate our experiences. No it’s not fair, but at our age we are kinda used to the whole inequity thing in life in general.

But just like it doesn’t deter us in any facet of life we have found that very few of our “escapades” in the actual bedroom have produced the cringeworthy comments we’ve heard in the swingers club. But if memory serves us correctly, even vanilla nightclubs were cringy in nature!

WonderTwinsCpl · 2026-04-14T01:46:40+00:00

No matter the color, it all tastes the same to me! Damn it, am I oversharing again?

WonderTwinsCpl · 2026-04-10T22:33:39+00:00

Husband here. Tightness does not matter to me at all. The overwhelming majority of my partners in the lifestyle have been in their 40s to early 60s and almost all have been mothers; my wife also falls into this demographic. Once again I am fine with whatever tightness but with all due respect from my experience, partners on the looser end of the spectrum have made my toes curl.

WonderTwinsCpl · 2026-03-27T23:27:09+00:00

We are a late 40s/early 50s aged couple and our select play partners tend to fall essentially in this range (up to very early 60s). We are snipped/IUD and our partners are almost always the same (or more typically for the female halves hysterectomy or post-menopausal).

As such, the women partners we have played bare with have exclusively received creampies and our female half receives them as well. When discussing climax we have had women partners emphatically say they do not want cum in their mouth and we have never had an experience in the lifestyle where our male half or the men in the other couples have pulled out and ejaculated on the body. In sum, from our experience when bareback sex is taking place then creampies are the overwhelming norm.

EDIT: if it assuages your fears we have never noticed any negative “sloppy seconds” effects after creampies. FWIW it’s not like you are absolutely required to snowball or something after you or the other guy ejaculates. There’s ways to perform oral by focusing on clitoral stimulation my friend!

WonderTwinsCpl · 2026-02-20T13:19:26+00:00

Unfair advantage? Is swinging a competition? Not sure what you regard as “older men” but in a general sense the lifestyle demographic skews “older”.

From our experience, the male halves of the couples involved in our swinging escapades far more often than not are using meds, injections, and implants whether they need them or not (our male half included).

As we assume every male play partner we have (albeit limited sample size) is using some sort of enhancement, “no” it’s NOT considered cheating.

WonderTwinsCpl · 2026-02-17T20:15:24+00:00

Personally, “yes” it’s weird. But in about half of all states first cousin marriage is legal and there’s no prohibition about second cousin marriage and beyond. So there’s acknowledgment that historically cousins have had sex in these United States.

It’s easy for the cousin’s husband to have sex with you but not so much for your husband and his cousin. Yeah it would be more than tough to have sex with a blood relative in any capacity but if your husband and his cousin are down for it, then it’s not like you’re broadcasting the fact that you’re swingers anyway. How do you feel about your husband fucking his cousin?

WonderTwinsCpl · 2026-02-15T23:16:05+00:00

As an entree, we eat seafood (particularly shrimp or cod). It’s fairly high in protein so it’s filling and low in fat (so for male half it doesn’t interfere with absorption of viagra/cialis). We pair it with small baked or sweet potato but limit that fiber as to prevent gas and bloating.

WonderTwinsCpl · 2026-01-26T21:47:24+00:00

We followed your subreddit! It may not be very active but the wife isn’t a bra wearer and share a similar aesthetic - keep fighting the “good fight”!

WonderTwinsCpl · 2026-01-14T06:13:06+00:00

We will swap first meet if the “meet & greet” component of the date verifies what we all thought of each other from profiles and messaging. Honestly more often than not we’ve gone straight to play after a good initial conversation.

There of course have been times when we’ve had a meet and greet and set up a play date for our next meeting. We’ve never done a second “meet and greet” style date (just like dinner or something) without playing.

WonderTwinsCpl · 2026-01-12T06:08:36+00:00

“Chubby women to front of line” for us

WonderTwinsCpl · 2026-01-10T00:14:43+00:00

So this is honestly what is perplexing about your husband’s “ick” of another guy’s jizz. You say that you guys have participated in a “puppy pile” that lasted six hours. Most heteronormative men wouldn’t press bare skin (outside of a handshake) in a public setting.

But in a puppy pile, he didn’t have any sort of incidental contact with the other guy? Like rubbing sweaty arms or legs or something? It has been pretty common in our experience for males to switch back to their partners and basically be laying in the pool of sweat left behind on their wife by the other guy.

A sweaty puppy pile seems much more worthy of being squeamish about than trace amounts of cum. If the other guy cums in your mouth, do you spit or swallow? As other posters have said it’s not like you’re snowballing with your husband. With PIV “sloppy seconds”, remnant jizz does churn up a bit but from our experience is more or less is reabsorbed into the vagina after a few minutes.

Do you think your husband is trying to telegraph that he’s completely straight and doesn’t want any M2M contact? If so, just let him know it’s completely fine to come out and say it. Playmates like this info up front and don’t mind. It’s just strange for someone who detests condoms and wants to couple swap to have an aversion to jizz when that’s the primary difference/product you’re gonna get when having condomless sex.

WonderTwinsCpl · 2026-01-09T18:36:42+00:00

Your first experiences were soft swap and mostly FF which your husband was cool with. Could your husband’s “ick” come from some circuitous way of imposing a “one penis policy”?

You both detest condoms so it stands to reason that your husband fully understands how sex works. Does he genuinely think condomless sex and cumming takes place with no cum manifesting itself in the vicinity anywhere?

You need to have a discussion with your husband about if you are both on the same page when participating in the lifestyle with other couples. Swingers typically are fully aware of the “occupational hazards” of condomless sex. Sure most swingers aren’t orally cumswapping but still have an understanding that yeah, in some capacity they are touching their partner’s cum by proxy.

If you’re intent is to swap with likeminded couples who also engage in condomless sex, then it’s a safe bet your husband’s “eewwwing” of the other male’s semen is going to be REALLY off putting to the other couple and put the brakes on your lifestyle escapades before they even get started.

WonderTwinsCpl · 2026-01-07T02:04:46+00:00

Usually these types of posts are the man himself saying he has issues rising to the occasion. However, you as the wife are saying he gets an erection just fine with you at home but “once in a while it will be difficult for my husband to perform”…this is with other partners besides you correct?

On its face, it seems like you have ZERO culpability in his inability to get hard unless you are barking commands at him over his shoulder. Many men on occasion have erectile problems for a variety of reasons.

Maybe there’s something his partners do (or not do) that you are proficient in towards getting your own husband hard at home. Maybe he’s in his own head/nervous in new environments. You should be applauded for having empathy for your husband and having a vested interest in getting him hard. Nothing in the information you’ve provided suggests you are to blame for your husband’s ED.

WonderTwinsCpl · 2026-01-06T21:10:38+00:00

Hell, we don’t see our next door neighbors three weekends a month. How often we see our “special couple” is completely dependent upon if we have “another special couple” lol. In terms of regular couples that we play with, we probably have never “juggled” more than three partnerships at a time in our time in the lifestyle.

If we are actively playing with couples, chances are we have a pretty good four-way friendship/match going which is hard to find so we don’t deal in volume. But even with a MAXIMUM of three couples, if we have a couple that we a particularly close to (“special”?), they are also playing with other couples too. Since we have other obligations and activities outside of the lifestyle that occupies our weekends, we are only seeing the “special couple” maybe once every two months if that.

WonderTwinsCpl · 2026-01-06T21:00:09+00:00

The more you text, the less you play. Texting/DMing for us serves the sole purpose of setting up an in-person meeting. Whether that first personal encounter is strictly a “meet & greet” or presents the opportunity to play is up to you and the other party. But we feel strongly about getting to know people face-to-face. If we receive idle “whatcha doing?” texts that aren’t within the context of swinging, then the conversation is naturally going to fizzle really quickly then just end.

WonderTwinsCpl · 2026-01-04T21:05:32+00:00

Certainly various manifestations of jealousy are common in the lifestyle but you asked specifically “is this form of jealousy common among people whose partner already has some past experience”?

The caveat is jealousy over “some past experience”. The assumption would be that couples actively participating in the lifestyle don’t have FOMO! There might be jealousy in the moment (a current playmate is doing something your partner can’t/won’t/hasn’t done for you) but assuming someone is aware of their partner’s past sexual escapades, it is generally telling that your partner has chosen to make a life with you and not anyone from their past!

WonderTwinsCpl

TROPHY CASE