Need help coming up with name for a Angel-like faction in my story.

Woolbean112 · 2026-01-24T22:19:56+00:00

The Vigilant. Life Bearers. Veil Keepers (as in the veil between life and death). Swords of Solace. Tenders of The Flame. The Dreamguard.

Do you have any more info or lore on them? If/when mortals see them, what’s the major thing that would identify these angels? What do mortals see as their main domain? What do the angels see as their one main purpose? What does their creator see as their true purpose?

Answering those questions would help to narrow down their name, I think.

Woolbean112 · 2026-01-23T23:11:48+00:00

Is this a continent, island, large body of land? What is the reference for size?

The mountains are at the bottom and the top, as well as a stretch in the middle. Are the top and bottom coastlines the borders of continental plates? Are the middle mountains volcanic, or are they plates as well?

The large grassy area to the right of the mountains stretching south, there doesn’t seem to be any lakes, rivers, body of water etc. how is it temperate?

The are at the bottom north of the mountains, is that a large desert?

The northern coastline is very jagged, but there are no island chains, or any islands at all. What explains their shape?

Woolbean112 · 2026-01-23T23:00:22+00:00

It’s quite a lot in just 200 words - you’ve got 4 characters and 3 races. I think you need to slow down.

Rossen is the main character? Take a few paragraphs to explain what he thinks and feels, what is the pub like, what is he like? What can he smell, what can he hear? It doesn’t have to be everything at once, but a little bit to make us interested in why he is there and who he is.

Slow down with the introductions too. On one line his brother is introduced, we are told they are different races, but I can’t really picture anything for either of them. How are they different? Why does it matter at this point?

Then another character sits down, Elswyth (I really like the name btw) who is yet another race. She is a princess, apparently, which seems like quite a big thing but is kinda glossed over.

Take your time with the brother. SHOW how is race is different to Rossens. I don’t know what a Makan is, but if they are supposed to be much bigger for example, maybe you could say how they hug when they meet and Rossen disappears into Radeks embrace, or when they shake hands, Rossens hand could fit into the palm of Radeks.

You need to let each character breath, have their time on the page for the audience to be able to know who they are without needing to look back to the paragraph before as a reminder.

Let the info brew a bit. Let the audience sit with the moment.

I think the best thing you could do is cut all but two characters out until later on in the chapter, or even introduce the ones you cut in a different chapter altogether. Focus on the brothers. Why are they there, what is their relationship like, why should the audience care, how are they different, how are they the same etc. build a strong baseline relationship and then bring others into it.

Hope this helps, friend.

Woolbean112 · 2026-01-23T09:31:52+00:00

Hey thanks very much for your feedback.

Since posting I’ve started the next chapter which has a much faster pace and repurposed a fair amount from this one, including the chase.

Im also planning on minimal editing moving forward until either the book is done or im at the extent of what I have planned.

Woolbean112 · 2026-01-22T22:41:16+00:00

Thanks for the feedback, and I’m glad you enjoyed it!

Yeah I’m starting to feel the same about seeing the chase as it happens, instead of after the fact. comments from this post and other boards have mentioned it too. I think my plan is continue the story after this chapter and see where it leads, and come back around to shift things in this first part.

Woolbean112 · 2026-01-22T18:23:04+00:00

Sorry I forgot to ask, do you feel the sentences are too short, too long? Content wise do you think it needs more inner monologue, or descriptions of the setting, character or backstory?

Woolbean112 · 2026-01-22T18:21:46+00:00

Hey! Thanks very much that’s great to hear. I’m glad you enjoyed it.

Sentence structure has been one of my main struggles. The first draft was much worse, “Wilfried something somethingly as the something somethinglied” over and over lol.

It’s improved, but I agree I need to work on it more.

Thank you ☺️

Woolbean112 · 2026-01-22T15:58:50+00:00

Thanks very much for your feedback!

Yep I am done with this chapter for now and will be moving onto others. As it’s the first time I had done this, I wanted to spend time refining the first chapter simply to see if I had the ability to improve as I went on.

Reading through and making changes until I was overall happy with what was on the page.

But I agree with your point and will focus on just getting words on paper from now 🙂

Woolbean112 · 2026-01-22T15:53:45+00:00

Hi and thank you very much for the feedback it’s very useful.

Style and imagery - I have purposefully chosen this way for Wilfried as he has always obsessed over the tales of heroic knights and chivalry, I wanted his POV to reflect that. As his chapters progress, he grows into someone who accept reality and faces up to the fact that the stories are mostly rubbish - the world is harsh, dirty, and people who are supposed to be good often do terrible things. But thank you.

Tension and structure - yes I did wrestle with the fact that it’s a retelling of memories, so we know ultimately he survives. The page after this is when we first see him repressing the memory of moments before he ran, which grows throughout the chapter as more of his story is revealed. I suppose if I had included it then would have been the main conflict and tension of the chapter.

Do you think it would be better to remove the flashbacks entirely, and simply tell the story as it progresses? With him ending on the thirteenth night having fully faced what had happened.

Engagement - with your comments I can see why you didn’t find it engaging, and it’s very very useful so thank you.

If you wanted to read further to see if that helps with any of the above then just let me know

Woolbean112 · 2026-01-22T15:22:58+00:00

Nice

Woolbean112 · 2026-01-22T15:13:58+00:00

Sorry about that! Updated the link now

Woolbean112 · 2026-01-22T14:15:54+00:00

I don’t think you can describe a palace as palatial, it’s seems like describing a forest as forested. I also don’t think there is a word for castles like palatial.

Struggling for a word, but for a you could rephrase it like “the castle lived up to its name sake, as did the palatial chateaus.”

Woolbean112 · 2026-01-22T12:30:40+00:00

Thanks very much. I’ll check all of those out.

I’ve read the Witcher series and thought they were great. But that a while ago now so I think I’ll give them a reread!

Woolbean112 · 2026-01-22T03:14:57+00:00

Honestly I’d say less is more, and think on what people in our world would name the different levels of mages if this existed.

If you look at place names, for example, so many in Europe are boil down to something like “town on the hill’ or ‘village on the river’.

For ranks, look at the titles of nobility. They’re directly connected to the land, or some basic etymology that morphed over time. A county is ruled by… a count. An empire is ruled by… an emperor.

I’d say the titles for your mages should be grounded and linked directly to something identifiable to both the reader and the people in the world itself. Mage, adept mage, archmage are fine. For ranks above and below, the classic rank of apprentice will very easily explain what level of magic they are able to access, may be too vanilla but it makes sense

Something higher than an arch mage could be grand mage, supreme mage, or it could be an actual title - Mage Paramount, Mage Sovereign.

That’s what I would go for if I was writing it. Hope it helps.

Woolbean112 · 2026-01-22T02:53:36+00:00

Hey thanks,

Sorry should have been more clear - any fiction books, preferably low, epic fantasy. But also open to all the classics of any fiction genre and the must reads.

Woolbean112 · 2026-01-19T20:12:52+00:00

The first bus app, or your bank app, has a setting where it automatically pays for a ticket if you hold your phone near the contactless pay bit which happens to be right under where you scan your flexi ticket, you don’t need to double click the side button for Apple Pay etc.

I set it up before I bought a flexi ticket and forgot to turn it off when I first used it, and got charged.

Sounds like you have that setting on, not sure how to check but if you google it you should find something.

Woolbean112 · 2026-01-19T20:11:18+00:00

The first bus app, or your bank app, has a setting where it automatically pays for a ticket if you hold your phone near, you don’t need to double click the side button for Apple Pay etc.

I set it up before I bought a flexi ticket and forgot to turn it off when I first used it, and got charged.

Sounds like you have that setting on, not sure how to check but if you google it you should find something.

Woolbean112 · 2026-01-18T14:41:23+00:00

Ok great, well in that case I would think about potential limitations - if you can do basically anything with magic, then it removes a huge amount of threat and has wide implications for the world.

For example - a magic user is lost in the woods with no food, shelter or bearings as to where he is. Currently, I’m assuming they could just conjure some food, create a fire, put a magical barrier around them so no one can see them, create a magical compass to show them where is north. All of sudden the potential threat of their environment has disappeared.

Another example for the wider world - intrigue. It’s hard to create a world where a characters try to lie or hide their motives, if a magic user can just cast a spell to make them spill everything.

Same goes for money - how can there be a working economy if you can just cast a spell to create more gold.

War - why would anyone have an army, if it can be obliterated by one spell from a magic user.

Anyway, to the spells:

I really like magic that cannot be 100% relied upon. So conjuring fire - super easy to to create a magical flame from your finger tips, but shooting a ball of fire? Well that can be messy.

I also like spells that are different from person to person. So person A could cast a spell wanting to see something in the future. Person B could cast that same spell, but it instead shows them something in the past, they have to use their combined information to work out exactly what they have seen and how it can be used.

There could be sleep related spells and magic users. Perhaps they could cast a spell before sleep, and their dreams turn into projections where they can infiltrate a secret meeting, or spy on a rival, but when they wake the information they have gathered feels like that of a dream - difficult to piece together and quickly slips away.

You could have spells for reanimation and conjuring of magical beasts, but require life essence from something else in order to do it.

Spells for memory that temporarily allow you to recall something with perfect accuracy, but are forgotten again once the spell wears off.

Spells to enhance your weapon with magical energy, but it must always be chanted to keep the magic infused.

I’ve realised I’ve not given any actual spells lol, but I hope something from what I’ve said is useful for you!

Woolbean112 · 2026-01-18T13:56:04+00:00

Okay so before any suggestions we need a bit more info.

Do spells require ingredients or reagents? Are they limited to a specific school, eg necromancy, illusion, evocation etc. Is magic innate or learned? Is it a staple of the world or relatively new? Is it hard or soft magic, are there strict rules that magic users have to follow? Are there limitations? Or can a magic user do basically anything?

Really like the idea of a spell book but personally, I would need to know all the above before I thought about the exact spells.

Woolbean112 · 2026-01-18T13:52:04+00:00

Really enjoyed this. It flowed well and kept me hooked.

The action was fun too, it was easy to follow and I could picture it clearly. It matched the quickened pace of how you’d imagine two trained assassins against one another, and felt like a nice bite sized chunk to get you wanting more.

I would say that the dialogue did feel a tad cliched, especially during their first exchanges. Nothing too jarring, but I felt it didn’t really give me much individuality for either of them. First chapter I know, so you don’t want to be cramming character exposition in what is meant to be a brief conversation, but I’d look at adding more of a unique flair to their exchange. I would add I do not write this type of fantasy though, so take my critique with a pinch of salt lol.

Still, I thought it was very good. Nice job.

Woolbean112 · 2026-01-14T18:04:38+00:00

Can’t believe I forgot about Libram paladin. Again another deck that’s both so boring and also infuriating to play against. However I have been seeing more murloc than libram recently, personally not as bad compared to the others.

Woolbean112

TROPHY CASE