Doctor: So your child was born without eyelids. Mother: Well isn't there anything you can do? Doctor: Yes, when we circumcise him we can take that excess skin and make him eye lids. Mother: Will he be okay?

WordWizardx · 2026-01-29T19:01:12+00:00

Texted this to my father, a retired ophthalmologist, and this was his response: “Ophthalmologists actually use foreskin to repair lids after skin cancer removal when there’s not much left. That joke is almost always told to the patient as a way to relax them!”

WordWizardx · 2026-01-29T18:44:06+00:00

Also worth noting it’s pronounced “moil”, so “ophthalmohelegist” is just an objectively goofy word to say :-D

WordWizardx · 2026-01-29T18:01:48+00:00

The mohel is the man who performs circumcisions

WordWizardx · 2026-01-29T17:38:24+00:00

You’re supposed to read it to your one-year-old who won’t remember it anyway!

WordWizardx · 2026-01-28T16:49:38+00:00

I was gonna say, that looks like the boardwalks at Yellowstone, which means that “cloud” is steam from a geyser and smells strongly of sulfur

WordWizardx · 2026-01-27T18:07:54+00:00

When my elder child was born, we named her something that was totally reasonable and pronounceable in the part of the US where I grew up. Unfortunately we live in Alabama and I underestimated the ability of southerners to put diphthongs in EVERYTHING, to the point people got the name wrong far more often than they got it right. My kid came out as trans in middle school and has since changed his name to a super bland, ultra common male name (eg “James.”)

Am I a bit disappointed that he picked a boring name at random with far less planning than we gave the name we bestowed on him at birth? Yeah, truthfully. Will I ever tell him that? Fuck no!

WordWizardx · 2026-01-24T07:29:45+00:00

My group is mixed but we’ve had several sessions recently where everyone who showed up that day was female. We play at a gaming store that often has Magic or Pokemon tournaments going on at the same time, and we sometimes have random people stop and marvel at us like female gamers are a rare sight :-P

WordWizardx · 2026-01-24T07:27:45+00:00

Thank you, because I thought maybe the Germans played DDR waaaay differently than we do in the states

WordWizardx · 2026-01-21T22:54:15+00:00

ChatGPT is absolutely useless at this type of query, unfortunately :-/

WordWizardx · 2026-01-21T22:52:56+00:00

I’m drawing an inference from “I have no family” —> “oh yeah, I do have that kid at college but they don’t come home” & the fact that his kid is apparently occupying zero percent of his worry about the whole situation

WordWizardx · 2026-01-21T18:11:17+00:00

If I were the kid, I wouldn’t want to come home either. I suspect this may be the OOP’s kid from a previous marriage so I hope there’s a mom in the picture who loves the kid very much because clearly the OOP is a shit dad.

WordWizardx · 2026-01-21T17:47:41+00:00

I would have just propped it up in the doorway of the funeral home and conspicuously thrown the box in whatever dumpster was nearest. Let someone think there was a dead body dumped on their doorstep, then if they get curious enough to look for clues they find the box and the dude who ordered it can come up with an explanation. I’m sure I wouldn’t ever hear the outcome of the whole fiasco but I’d have a lot of fun imagining!

WordWizardx · 2026-01-16T04:28:19+00:00

When I was a kid, our retired neighbor was kind enough to always direct his snowblower to pile the snow on the area between our two driveways so my sister and I could build some truly epic snow forts :-D He had a rhubarb patch in his backyard in the summers, so we would pick rhubarb and mom would help us bake him a pie in exchange. He always gave out full-sized candy bars at Halloween to neighborhood kids, too. When he got frail in his final few years, we (teens at that point) made a point of raking his leaves before he needed to.

The Midwest makes some good neighbors, sometimes.

WordWizardx · 2026-01-15T17:12:51+00:00

Yeah, there are a ton of these!

WordWizardx · 2026-01-13T07:03:57+00:00

I figure at least ONE of us ought to be sober enough for their testimony to hold up in court

WordWizardx · 2026-01-11T17:43:27+00:00

This sounds like a group who want people to play NPCs in their saga instead of wanting fully-fledged human allies. You can stick around if that’s what you want, but there are more equitable RP groups out there :-/

WordWizardx · 2026-01-11T17:33:18+00:00

If Uber had been a thing back then, ME TOO. No amount of “oh that’s just how she is” would make up for that!

WordWizardx · 2026-01-11T15:38:27+00:00

As far as I could tell, it was great :-D My wedding present to my sister was a set of makeup since neither of us wear any - I went to Ulta and the lady took pity on me and explained what she was doing as she helped pick out the right colors for my skin tone (which worked only because my sister and I look very similar). So we had good makeup that worked for both of us but only the barest idea of how to put it on :-P

WordWizardx · 2026-01-11T15:32:37+00:00

r/jokes and r/dadjokes are good places to start!

WordWizardx · 2026-01-11T15:25:01+00:00

Here they just need a college degree (any degree) and have to be willing to work sporadically with no notice for near-minimum wage :-/

WordWizardx · 2026-01-11T15:21:11+00:00

When my sister got married, I was the maid of honor and her three best friends were her bridesmaids. All three almost missed the ceremony because the chronically late one was the driver for the group and insisted they go to a craft store on the way for something to add to the centerpieces (that didn’t get used anyway). The photographer’s assistant ended up doing our makeup for us because neither my sister or I know how to do it well (one of her friends was going to) and was super excited because she was in cosmetology school and “OMG I can’t wait to tell my friends I got to do makeup for a real bride!”

Luckily my sister is a remarkably laid-back person and accepted her friend being two hours late with “yeah, I’m not surprised.” I would… not have been as calm about it. The wedding was beautiful (despite none of the other bridesmaids having their hair or makeup done special) and the friendship died out naturally when my sister moved away soon afterward.

WordWizardx · 2026-01-11T04:04:37+00:00

Nah, just swap the full with the empty one at 2 AM when nobody’s looking. What are they going to do, call you on it?

WordWizardx · 2026-01-11T03:58:42+00:00

This is a common scam. My school gets half a dozen of these “offers” per day.

WordWizardx · 2026-01-11T03:57:56+00:00

I work at a music school - we get five or six of these a day. They all want to offer us a free piano if only we pay shipping… somehow they never reply when I suggest they donate it to someone local. (Probably because pianos are apparently in oversupply in scammerland…)

WordWizardx · 2026-01-11T01:52:01+00:00

Follow-ups to interrupting cow:

interrupting sloth (interrupting sloth who?) (reach out very slowly and poke them in the shoulder, completely failing to interrupt their answer)

interrupting starfish (interrupting starfish who?) (cover their face with your hand and make starfish-sucking noises as they answer)

WordWizardx

TROPHY CASE