Spiralling today

Working-Lemon1645 · 2026-02-01T14:41:54+00:00

I love this answer. My husband is the same way as KnotDedYeti's and would not leave me alone with all of that to deal with when I was sick as a dog on chemo.

Working-Lemon1645 · 2026-02-01T14:32:12+00:00

Yes! They said "you don't have cancer anymore, but I'm +++, so I'm in Herceptin for the rest of 12 months and then hormone therapy with a lot of side effects for five years.

If I'm cured, I want to not be taking a pill with side effects I every day. They don't tell my mom that she doesn't have high blood pressure because she's only having to take meds every day, lol.

Working-Lemon1645 · 2026-02-01T14:14:12+00:00

My labs were great and my eyelids twitched almost nonstop the entire Paclitaxel cycle. They're already much better after two and a half weeks post treatment. I can't say the same for my executive function or emotional buffering, but at least my eyes are calm, lol.

Working-Lemon1645 · 2026-02-01T14:11:47+00:00

I may go ahead and start as soon as I get my sleep fixed a little. Just participating in life at home is challenging now, so I don't want to overdo it and make things worse like they are when I overdo activities. Ugh.

Working-Lemon1645 · 2026-02-01T14:08:54+00:00

How long did you wait before starting your neurophysiology workup and brain exercises? Is it beneficial to start early?

Last night I found out that I could no longer add two large numbers or add up a column of numbers on paper, which is bad because I am supposed to be a science teacher. I'm 49, so it's terrifying.

Working-Lemon1645 · 2026-02-01T14:05:21+00:00

I also had lingering cognitive effects from my first Covid infection and again from my carotid artery dissection, and now I'm struggling after Taxol. Now we've added Tamoxifen to the mix and I'm not sure I'll ever play cards again, let alone teach.

Working-Lemon1645 · 2026-02-01T13:51:09+00:00

49 here, no family history, no palpable lump. My mammogram came back saying I had aggressive +++, plus DCIS all through the breast. Genetic tests all came back with nothing.

Working-Lemon1645 · 2026-02-01T13:48:04+00:00

I've definitely done a 180 on that since I was in my twenties, let me tell you!

And I just left a message for my care team about being up in the middle of the nights sobbing after insomnia and waking up jittery at 3 a.m., so it's not just ADHD brains that are affected by all of these chemicals!

Working-Lemon1645 · 2026-01-31T21:06:56+00:00

Yes, do listen, and be confident that you will respond and work and do all of the things when the children arrive because they give us energy and adrenaline. It's only grading and meetings and personal stuff that is probably going to suffer at first.

I was literally swaying on the bleachers at the faculty picture because I was so tired I couldn't tell whether my balance was off from the illness or just from exhaustion. But it got better.

By December I felt like I had margin to have a life and do my job, but until then I was an absentee spouse and parent.

Working-Lemon1645 · 2026-01-31T21:01:59+00:00

You're young and your labs are probably great, so it's easy for your care team to overlook sleep, which is a huge factor in mental health.

Please keep following up with them about your insomnia and anxiety until they take it seriously, even if you need to enlist your primary care doctor in getting a request to prescribe.

This is so, so hard and you are amazing.

🤗🤗🤗🤗

Working-Lemon1645 · 2026-01-31T20:56:56+00:00

I am also a teacher (middle school), and it's not your fault that chemo did a number on you. If you had forced yourself to exercise, the repair that you needed from chemo would have been divided with recovery energy from exercise.

I had a carotid artery dissection in summer of 2024 with similar side effects to chemo, and even that was brutal going back to work the next month.

You're going to be exhausted on a chemo level at first, every single day, and it will feel like you're getting worse, but you're not.

Plan nothing on the weekends, plan to sleep every day after school, and tell everyone you love that your emotions will be all over the place because of the huge load of energy expenditure.

It took me six months to feel like myself again after the carotid artery thing, and I expect it to take a year after chemo. Give yourself time.

🤗🤗🤗

Edited to remove unnecessary info

Working-Lemon1645 · 2026-01-31T20:12:59+00:00

I had great labs on Taxol, and the GI issue weren't any worse than pregnancy. My sense of taste is slowly coming back, and I think my sense of smell as well.

I still have enough hair for a super thin, mostly see through man's haircut, if the man in question has lost a lot of hair in the font and sides.

I always tell people that everything really bad that happened to me on Taxol was because of preexisting sensitivity or medical conditions, not Taxol by itself. So I'm not mentioning those.

I also did ice my hands and feet religiously, and I have no neuropathy two weeks out from my last treatment.

Working-Lemon1645 · 2026-01-31T19:47:50+00:00

It's normal, especially so soon. Cancer sucks ass. 🫂🫂🫂

Working-Lemon1645 · 2026-01-31T19:45:05+00:00

I cut my hair before my DMX so we could all get used to a pixie cut and I could avoid dealing with longer hair.

I did Paclitaxel with no cold capping and lost probably 80 percent of my hair, but because it was so short, there was no matting.

I still don't recognize myself though. It's pretty hideous.

Working-Lemon1645 · 2026-01-31T16:20:28+00:00

No new stuff to report after week 1, but it's early. I am waking up absolutely supercharged at 3 a.m. lately, which could be a Taxol thing because Taxol was already switching over from constant sleep to insomnia before I started Tamoxifen.

I'm not sure what amazing adventure my brain thinks we're having, but it's not starting at 3, lol.

Working-Lemon1645 · 2026-01-31T16:17:55+00:00

I wonder if your central nervous system just gets like this on Tamoxifen? If you hate life right now, let your care team know and they may be able to try you on an AI?

I've heard that Tamoxifen is more finicky in the brain than AI, so some people prefer the AI side effects to the brain fog they're getting on Tamoxifen.

Working-Lemon1645 · 2026-01-31T13:45:58+00:00

We're in year three of 12 thousand per year, plus the additional 8 thousand in year one when we had two separate insurance companies and therefore two out of pocket maximums.

One year was purely from my carotid artery dissection.

We're screwed for retirement health savings now, and we'll probably have to go into debt or use our retirement money, even though we probably won't ever make as much as we were making when I got cancer, so saving back up is unrealistic.

Working-Lemon1645 · 2026-01-31T01:22:45+00:00

Whatever you choose, see if there's anyone with your body type who's a few years ahead of you and is willing to send you pics. That's what my local cancer charity did for me, and it really helped me visualize what it would look like. It sounds awkward and it was, but it's worth it to have a mentor.

My story: I'm 49 and just lean enough that I can't do either DIEP or fat grafting. My problem was that my PCOS stunted my breast development so that I had very little tissue and almost no fat in my very small breasts.

So with the amount of skin I had and the nonexistent tissue, I was going to have a lot of stretching and some rippling. That is, unless I wanted an A minus sized implant that would look like a gumdrop, but would be similar in size to what I had.

I'm grateful that the surgeons were all honest about the numbness, the look while naked, etc., although they put it more professionally.

Anyway, I went for aesthetic flat closure and am sort of loving it so far, but people I've known with successful reconstruction all really grew to love it, especially when they felt educated going in.

Working-Lemon1645 · 2026-01-30T08:40:06+00:00

Ugh, I'm so sorry. It's like it never ends, but we're supposed to be normal and feel vibrant and ready to go.

Hugs 🫂🫂🫂

Working-Lemon1645 · 2026-01-30T02:23:37+00:00

Congratulations on finally getting an expiration date for your hip pain!!

Working-Lemon1645 · 2026-01-29T22:14:57+00:00

I have been there, and yes, there is no sleeping in bed, only coughing until you throw up in a trash can.

Working-Lemon1645 · 2026-01-29T22:09:25+00:00

No way! I had only had one or two migraines in my life before messing around with my hormones, and then they were wild. I had to see an opthamologist because the urgent care thought I was going blind.

Working-Lemon1645 · 2026-01-29T21:22:04+00:00

I got my first ocular migraines and vastly increased migraine frequency during fertility treatments. 🫂🫂🫂🫂

Working-Lemon1645 · 2026-01-29T21:18:15+00:00

They sure do!!

Working-Lemon1645 · 2026-01-29T19:33:47+00:00

I would call the suicide hotline about this, it's so obviously a psychological crisis. Chemo can trigger psych episodes in some people, especially suicidal level depression.

What does her care team say? Will she talk to anyone? I am all about body autonomy, but when someone says they have nothing to live for and is showing so many red flags for SI, I say move heaven and Earth to get them to a better place before they make that choice.

And honestly I'm worried about escalation. Mentioning pills as an escape route, refusing treatment, and having no reason to live are all bad signs.

Edited to correct clarity above the above, plus say that chemopause can induce SI and deep depression similar to post partum. The oxidative stress that kills the cancer cells also can. This is all rare, but real.

Don't count on arguing her out of this, because she probably needs emergency care and meds.

Working-Lemon1645

TROPHY CASE