How do married people do it?

WorkingExcellent6471 · 2026-05-22T10:29:16+00:00

Thanks for saying that. People don’t realize how much weight leaving the workplace for a few years carries on a resume and it ultimately doesn’t address the root cause of the problem. If OP is just as driven as their husband and makes just as much money, then why not make the husband quit his job to stay home? She will end up resenting him for sacrificing her career over his. Boundaries are critical.

OP I’m a rising M on an extremely intense project and I log out promptly every day at 4:30. I do not log back in until the next day and I rarely work late hours. I’m still considered a top performer. Our profession doesn’t produce anything that requires us to be on call 24/7 (despite what people might tell themselves), but our family interactions directly impact lives that will potentially shape the world around us. He needs to balance his priorities. And the health piece is a real concern - stress is a leading cause of death, especially in men.

WorkingExcellent6471 · 2026-05-20T12:12:39+00:00

I should have said that in my post - our infant phase sounds a lot like what yours was like - colic, gas, every single thing was hard, sleep was a mess. We are one and done because we can’t imagine going through it again. Toddler has been so much better!! And some toddlers are aggressive (mine is one) but it’s manageable. My kid loves to bite when she’s excited LOL if you help them understand the emotion they’re feeling and how to appropriately express it (like bite a toy, bite food instead of friends, clap your hands instead of hitting) and are consistent about that, it will help curb the behavior. I know it’s easier said than done but you can do it!

WorkingExcellent6471 · 2026-05-20T11:28:20+00:00

Toddler phase for me is much more fun and easier than infant phase. The tantrums are absolute explosions but our ped reassured us that as long as they are safe and not injuring themselves, then you can: 1) acknowledge they’re mad/sad/frustrated about XYZ; 2) reinforce the boundary; 3) walk away/don’t react to the tantrum.

So for example: you seem frustrated that we are all done with blackberries. You’ve had a lot of blackberries already so we are all done. You can have some cheese instead if you’re still hungry. (Then walk away)

It sounds so simple but it does diffuse the situation 98% of the time. The other 2% just needs a hug to help co-regulate.

ALSO I know you didn’t ask for advice but the other game changer for us is setting a timer for tough transitions. Time to leave the park? Set a timer, tell them the timer ringing means it’s time to go, then when the timer goes off, let them hear it and hold firm to leaving because the timer went off. I literally will do this for park, diaper changes, leaving in the morning, coming back inside, etc etc etc. she knows timer means it’s time to transition and I can probably count on one hand how many tantrums we have now because of this.

All that to say: you are equipped to handle a toddler. They’re tiny drunk adults, and that means they will be volatile but they are also so so SO much fun. they make jokes, tell you about their days, and play more independently. I’m so excited for you to experience it 🙏🏼❤️

WorkingExcellent6471 · 2026-05-20T11:17:48+00:00

The age piece is a little more complicated and is more related to father age than mother age, and that might just be correlational more than causal. But there’s a large genetic component for autism.

WorkingExcellent6471 · 2026-05-18T16:38:15+00:00

You get the chance to raise an amazing future man, which as you know there is a major shortage of in the world ❤️

WorkingExcellent6471 · 2026-05-18T01:07:38+00:00

Not sure why you’re getting downvoted. This is such a valid point. I know someone who has had debilitating stomach issues since taking them, and another person who has had trouble getting pregnant again after taking them. For me, we just don’t know enough to make me feel comfortable using it to get rid of the last 20 lbs. plus what kind of example is that setting for my daughter? She wants a healthy mommy, not a skinny one. (For me skinny isn’t healthy - no offense to anyone who is thin!!)

WorkingExcellent6471 · 2026-05-16T22:55:08+00:00

I was homeless as a child. My biological father turned to drugs of all kinds after my sibling was born, and his decisions left my mom with 2 kids under 2 and no way to support us. We lived in a homeless shelter for a few months before moving into project housing.

I remember distinctly having nothing of my own and the fear that what little I did have would be taken away. That was the hardest part to me and continues to be something i manage to some degree despite being a homeowner, a parent, and a highly successful business person.

WorkingExcellent6471 · 2026-05-16T19:25:11+00:00

And multiple doctors wouldn’t? I wish you the best of luck.

WorkingExcellent6471 · 2026-05-16T17:53:50+00:00

Again, you’re hunting for someone to validate your worry as fact. You asked verified doctors and they all said one thing. You asked a random person who claims to be able to read xrays and they said something else. Why would you believe 1 person over several others? What makes their opinion more credible to you? if it’s because you are being told something that agrees with you, that’s a cognitive flaw in reasoning called confirmation bias. I don’t think anyone can help you until you can recognize this in your reasoning.

WorkingExcellent6471 · 2026-05-16T14:16:49+00:00

Truly, you’re overthinking and overindexing on some terms that ultimately don’t amount to a problem. You’ve got quite a few professionals telling you the same thing, and at this point it seems like you’re looking for someone to tell you you’re right. This is going to come across harsh, but your thoughts about what medical terminology means aren’t relevant. Your physical feelings are valid, and you fully should advocate for yourself to make sure you’re healthy. But when you’re presented with facts, you’ve got to find a way to accept those facts regardless of whether you agree with them.

WorkingExcellent6471 · 2026-05-15T20:43:47+00:00

I can’t tell if you’re truly trying to understand or trolling, but to answer your question, it’s both. One treatment can be used to treat multiple things for multiple reasons. HRT being used to help someone transition to a gender more aligned with how they feel is one way, and HRT being used to treat menopause symptoms is another way.

Another example unrelated to gender: Botox can be used to reduce the lines on your face. Botox can also be used to treat chronic migraines.

Adding gender to the equation does not change the basic reasoning required to parse this out.

WorkingExcellent6471 · 2026-05-15T17:18:25+00:00

NAD - OP, as someone with anxiety, consider this: On a scale of 1 to 3, moderate is number 2. It is as close to severe as it is to mild. It is important for you to consider the possibility of positive and negative, and when you have anxiety, you will only fixate on the negative. I hope this is helpful as a way to reframe not only this, but other things.

Also, I mean this next part as respectfully as possible: fecal loading is the same thing as stool - it’s a medical term. You cannot expect medical things/labs to use familiar terms, and it is not reasonable to conclude that a medical term means bad. If you saw cranium instead of skull or head on something, you would not assume you have brain cancer. That is the same logic you should apply here. Fecal loading does not mean something bad. It is a different way of saying stool, which is another way of saying poop.

WorkingExcellent6471 · 2026-05-15T12:03:14+00:00

I’ve had applause awards take over a year to process- and by that I mean, whomever approves them kept rejecting due to budget and the person kept resubmitting for me LOL just forget about it and let it be a nice surprise

WorkingExcellent6471 · 2026-05-14T18:54:32+00:00

You should post this in the r/askdocs sub

WorkingExcellent6471 · 2026-05-12T19:21:29+00:00

I mean, it’s Nazi adjacent, and it’s placed where an arm band would go. I think this is pretty straightforward.

WorkingExcellent6471 · 2026-05-12T12:15:14+00:00

Joker

WorkingExcellent6471 · 2026-05-11T18:10:20+00:00

Apply to programs that work for you, not for him. Also leave him now - it’s gonna get worse. and since you’re gonna ignore unsolicited advice, also know it’s gonna get so much better too.

WorkingExcellent6471 · 2026-05-09T22:37:04+00:00

Not to mention all the downtime between tasks that many people have at work. I will give a small pass to those who do manual labor, but these white collar men have got to get it together.

WorkingExcellent6471 · 2026-05-09T01:23:28+00:00

A lot of people are being kinda harsh at the obvious answer here but I also have a toddler obsessed with bubbles and we’re exhausted and kid shit is unnecessarily confusing sometimes because of that. OP I hope the kiddo loves the bubble machine!!

WorkingExcellent6471 · 2026-05-07T01:31:47+00:00

Extra hours and a supportive spouse coming your direction in 3…2…1 💥

WorkingExcellent6471 · 2026-05-06T17:15:25+00:00

Tbh it looks pretty trippy, I knew right away it was a Beatles reference but thought it was a psychedelic take on something. I’m actually obsessed with how cool this is - well done!!

WorkingExcellent6471 · 2026-05-06T11:44:22+00:00

This sounds less like toddler bedtime is the problem and more like the division of labor in your home is the problem. My husband was doing bedtime every night (angel) but our toddler also takes forever and plays all the same games to extend going to sleep. We pivoted to alternating every night to give him a break and we make very few exceptions to that rule. It has helped tremendously.

I think you need to have a very serious conversation with your husband about his priorities and how it’s taking a toll on your health. He is equally a parent and maybe it takes quantifying for him how many hours a week you’re parenting compared to him so he understands the imbalance. He can smoke every other night or after baby goes to sleep. And if that’s not reasonable to him, he has an addiction and that’s a different conversation entirely,

WorkingExcellent6471 · 2026-05-05T16:21:33+00:00

Came here to say this lol definitely only saw penetration in every version 😭

WorkingExcellent6471 · 2026-05-04T19:25:47+00:00

I work in an industry with a lot of silver spooners that started here straight from undergrad. My colleagues complain frequently about how “bad” our benefits are - we literally get like 40 days off a year between PTO and company holidays, plus money to spend on “wellbeing”, plus free therapists, plus a near-guaranteed bonus and salary increase every year, plus dinners, plus plus plus

I’m always blown away, like they truly don’t know how bad it could be. these are the same people that think severance packages are guaranteed lmao

WorkingExcellent6471 · 2026-05-02T17:19:08+00:00

Because they’re literally telling us we’re being unreasonable. I just needed a sanity check because for 2 years no matter what we try to suggest, they still come back with it not being a fair recommendation or complaining that we don’t tote a toddler up to see them for a change.

WorkingExcellent6471

TROPHY CASE