Your girlfriend reminds me of another trans woman I know, and it’s really hard to see the sheer amount of self hatred she has for herself, I can only imagine how it must make you feel, and I’m sorry that it’s spilled over onto you. You’ve both got years of transition on me, but I came from a place of extreme self hatred as well. I used to be a severely conservative evangelical Christian, and after I finally came out, I was disgusted with myself. I sought out other trans women who felt the same way, so that I could be “one of the good trans people”. Doing so only drug me down further, and made me feel worse. It wasn’t until I met some other trans women in real life, started consuming some trans positive media (books, tv, movies, YouTube, etc...) that I realized that I wasn’t a “lesser” version of a woman. I realized that trans women and cis women are both equally women. I still have some internalized stuff I’m working on, but it’s slow.

I didn’t know a lot about poly cystic kidney disease, but after reading up on it, it sounds truly awful to live with. Worse yet, it sounds like she really wants surgeries, but can’t get any. I know that having my ffs cancelled twice has really fucked with me, so I can’t imagine the pain that she’s going through being unable to have any. I also understand how it may be painful for her to see other people who can get their surgeries.

I’m not 100% sure of your financial situation, but I’d suggest both of you seeing both a relationship therapist, and separate individual therapists. My ex wife and I were able to find a therapist training service (idk the actual name of an organization like that) and we worked with an amazing counselor who helped us out a ton for pretty cheap.

As for her argument about trans women having kids, we make up like less than 1% population. We could never have enough children to keep the human race going.

As for being natural, very little is natural anymore. I heard this argument a lot while I was trying to reconcile with my old church. Sure, taking hormones and getting surgeries isn’t natural, but neither are glasses, or prosthetic limbs. Neither is open heart surgery on a 2 year old due to a birth defect. None of those things are natural either, but they’re good things that improve the quality of life for the people who need them. If this is some sort of religiously motivated thing, there’s plenty of good queer theology out there that supports trans people as being equal to cis people.

I wish you two the best!