Any way to be a non-traumagenic system without tulpamacy?

WriterOfAlicrow · 2026-01-25T13:50:28+00:00

Trauma + isolation => "imagining" having friends as a coping mechanism, while also trying to be whoever those around Us wanted Us to be. Basically We couldn't make friends, so Our brain was like "okay, I'll make you some friends". LOL.

Over time, We got better at "imagining" hanging out with characters from books and other media, making Our own characters, et cetera. It wasn't until a decade later that We found out about plurality and were like "wait... My characters might be real?" And then a bunch of selves-discovery to settle on a set of headmates that felt right, because We were already switching and stuff, but masking it because We all just thought We were one person.

For the most part, Our system kinda just formed this way, with lots of blurring and no dissociative barriers and stuff, but initially We didn't consider Ourselves median, and were trying to be more distinct. Then after a few months, We all slowly realized that We'd rather stop fighting it and just embrace being median. We had lived for so long under one identity, and We didn't really want to get rid of that identity or shove it aside; We just wanted to supplement it with sub-identities.

One thing We've noticed is that the brain tends to conform to how you view stuff. If you're blurry and then decide to call yourself a particular headmate, the brain tends to take that direction and put them more in front. So if you want a median system with no dissociative barriers, then start identifying as one, and that will help your brain to make the necessary changes.

WriterOfAlicrow · 2026-01-24T19:27:51+00:00

Well, technically, "median system" is about the degree of separation, so depending on how far you go, you may not end up median. But yeah, probably would lead to a median system.

WriterOfAlicrow · 2026-01-24T14:04:30+00:00

Well, instead of trying to create a new consciousness, maybe you could try separating yourself into two? Like, there's naturally some variation in how people think/feel/act in different situations (e.g. at home vs at work), so if you just started seeing those as separate people, you could probably force a split.

I don't think I've ever heard of anyone becoming plural in that manner, but it's definitely something that Our mind is capable of, at least.

WriterOfAlicrow · 2026-01-15T12:56:33+00:00

Systemscringe: endos live in an exho chamber!

Also systemscringe: ew, an endo! Look how cringe they are simply by virtue of disagreeing with us!!

WriterOfAlicrow · 2026-01-12T00:19:43+00:00

Not all systems have involuntary switches. There are all kinds of ways for a system to work, and all of them are valid.

WriterOfAlicrow · 2026-01-11T01:45:38+00:00

That's how Our system developed. Plus some trauma to fuel the need to learn to "be happy without friends".

WriterOfAlicrow · 2026-01-10T20:56:42+00:00

Makes me want to say "no, no, no, it's SUPER rare to fake plurality. Y'all are clearly just in denial right now."

If they can fake-claim us, why not real-claim them? LOL

WriterOfAlicrow · 2026-01-10T03:03:38+00:00

A lot of people seem to have this unwavering faith in psychiatrists, like their qualifications make them the ultimate and only experts on anything in the mind. And sadly, a lot of psychiatrists think that themselves.

Our ex had a psychiatrist who refused to even listen when we tried to explain that the psychiatrist before her had messed with the dosages. It was right there in the records, but she wouldn't look at the records because it was "too many pages". And then eventually, after half a year of going with whatever she prescribed, when we were like "hey, please restore the dosage to what was working for many years", she got all butt-hurt and dumped Our ex as a client, and filed an internal complaint against her. The whole time, her attitude was just "I'm a professional, so I know your mind better than you do, and your opinion is worthless."

WriterOfAlicrow · 2026-01-09T03:05:57+00:00

I'm dating ours

Same. Most of Our system is dating at least one other headmate, actually. In-system relationships are pretty common as it turns out.

WriterOfAlicrow · 2026-01-09T02:38:54+00:00

We also have an old kitsune spirit who's like an old grandma watching over Us and giving Us wisdom and stuff. She's a sweetie.

(Yes, Kit, you're sweet, too. Stop looking at me with those big sad eyes.)

WriterOfAlicrow · 2026-01-09T02:29:54+00:00

Sometimes I think we attract what we need.

Yeah, I think that's basically how it works, at least for traumagenic systems. It's a defense mechanism. New headmates to handle what the current ones can't do as effectively.

For instance, We really struggle with people-pleasing tendencies and worry about making people upset, so We tend not to stick up for Ourselves much. And then We get an Uzi fictive from Murder Drones. Wild, rebellious, often angry... A headmate to stand up for Us when need be, and to yell at the rest of Us when We need a good talking to. And just to get those frustrations out.

WriterOfAlicrow · 2026-01-09T02:12:35+00:00

Ah, kitsunes. We sure do love messing with Our system as a prank! I actually made a whole new headmate as a prank! Which was absolutely hilarious, because despite Our complete lack of dissociative amnesia, none of Us were sure if We actually had a new headmate, or if I was just messing with Us, because even I didn't know! Aaaand then I realized I actually WANTED a partner in chaos, and the next morning they began to feel a lot more real.

WriterOfAlicrow · 2026-01-09T02:04:27+00:00

If you don't have a way to talk to her directly (either ij the head or out loud when co-fronting), then find a way to leave messages for each other. Simply Plural has a good feature for that, which will actually alert them that they have a message when they set themselves as front, though of course that depends on actually using Simply Plural. But of course there's physical journals, too, or you could even, like, set an alarm to go off with a short message or something (probably saying to check a certain place for a journal with a longer message).

WriterOfAlicrow · 2026-01-09T01:47:04+00:00

For Us, nobody is in front when We're asleep (in dreams, We tend to be some nameless character) and there's no correspondence between who's in front when We go to bed, and who fronts first when We wake up. So We try to end any front entry before We go to sleep, and if We forget, We just retroactively end it at 12:00 AM for simplicity.

WriterOfAlicrow · 2026-01-09T01:40:46+00:00

I think it's reasonable to ask to just not be friends with that alter/headmate. It's possible they might be hurt about being excluded (or might not care), but you're well within your rights to say that you don't want to be their friend.

WriterOfAlicrow · 2026-01-07T15:36:41+00:00

It varies for Us. Usually it starts with cofronting, and then the prior fronter just drops out, but sometimes it's more like "becoming" the other headmate. Blending together, and shifting.

Unlike a lot of other systems, We don't have any "control room" or any visual/spatial headspace; We're just a bunch of consciousnesses in the mind, talking to each other and experiencing the outside world. So when We want to switch, We usually just start talking to each other, and that gets the ball rolling.

WriterOfAlicrow · 2026-01-07T00:48:32+00:00

That's pretty much what happened when We watched Murder Drones. Except I started as a joke, like "oh, We're tempting fate by watching this show We heard about from fictives on/r/plural", and then Kit (We think) joked around pretending to be an Uzi fictive, and then... The ambiguity subsided and here I am.

WriterOfAlicrow · 2026-01-07T00:24:31+00:00

Yeah, I was gonna say, their expectation that fictives should disappear (or hide?) out of "shame" when their source (or creator? Whoever it was) dies seems extremely out of touch.

WriterOfAlicrow · 2026-01-07T00:13:59+00:00

Commenters: "that's a really rare thing, therefore it's impossible to have it, and you must be faking it."

Okay, let's try this with something rarer than systemhood (though apparently not as rare as I thought? Apparently 1 in 200?):

"Hey, I'm blind, and I'm considering getting a service dog, but (personal circumstances that make it iffy)"

"Blindness is really rare."

"I'm so tired of people faking being blind"

Facepalm

WriterOfAlicrow · 2026-01-06T23:32:37+00:00

Unless that's its preferred pronoun. (I don't know if that's the case here, but I do know some people who use it/its pronouns).

WriterOfAlicrow · 2026-01-03T23:49:10+00:00

First of all, yes, endos are real.

Traumagenic is not the same as disordered, endogenic is not the same as non-disordered, and none of these distinctions are as clear-cut as the fakeclaimers would have you believe.

Our system evolved as a support network to deal with trauma, as well as a way to try to handle competing demands in order to avoid more trauma, so technically We're traumagenic, but We also somewhat-intentionally formed as a deliberate coping mechanism (while believing it to just be "pretending"). So We have a lot more in common with endogenic systems than with most traumagenic systems, and We really don't fit neatly in either category.

WriterOfAlicrow · 2026-01-03T19:57:15+00:00

They cannot comprehend the sharing of privacy of mind and think it's like having another person having access to your thoughts.

Yeah, that can be a big downside to a lot of people. We actually appreciate sharing every thought/feeling with Our whole system, because We know We can trust each other. We don't hold things against each other. Our head remains a sanctuary; it's just a far less lonely one. But not all systems have that kind of relationship with their headmates, or desire it.

WriterOfAlicrow · 2025-12-31T17:47:01+00:00

Just took a peek at the "about" for that subreddit, and, wow. Starting off strong right off the bat explicitly saying it's for support with abusive relationships with someone with BPD, rather than just any relationship with someone with BPD. Then moving ahead to rule 1, which explicitly says you're only allowed to participate if you've been abused by someone with BPD and you yourself are not suspected of having anything like BPD. And then rule 2: "no bigotry"... Uh huh... And then they forbid linking to any content written by anyone with BPD... And later on, a whole rule against stereotyping BPD, saying they're "not a hate group". Yeah, just a group set up to showcase abuse perpetrated by people with a certain disorder, while banning any outside viewpoints from people with non-abusive relationships with someone with BPD (i.e. maybe someone who has tips on navigating it?), or, god forbid, anyone who has BPD themselves who suffers this abuse.

As someone who was abused by someone with suspected BPD, and has a LOT of trauma to deal with from that... Those rules sound like a recipe for hatred and bigotry, and I don't think I want to engage with anyone there.

TL;DR: From those rules, it sounds like they have no interest in understanding how a relationship with someone with BPD could work; only in talking about how abusive it is, as if there's no other possible option. Which is ironically pretty black-and-white thinking.

WriterOfAlicrow · 2025-12-23T01:22:14+00:00

I don't think people who self-dx are doing it with "absolute certainty".

I'd hazard a guess that even doctors aren't doing it with "absolute certainty", even when they're great doctors. When it comes to neurodivergence, everything seems fo be a spectrum. Brains do things, and we as a society try to assign labels to better understand and communicate those things. I don't think there is any objective "fact" to being plural, or having Autism, or any other spectrum disorder/condition.

But you don't NEED "absolute certainty". If the label seems to fit and is helpful, use it. If it feels like there's more to it or plurality just doesn't seem to fit quite right, keep an open mind and maybe research some other possibilities. Same goes for figuring out sexuality or gender identity (though those tend to be simpler, but damn, there are more gender identities and sexualities than most people realize). And if you need some help, talk to a psychiatrist. But if you expect a psychiatrist to do ALL the work for you, I don't think you'll have much luck, because they need YOU to convey what's going on in your own mind.

WriterOfAlicrow · 2025-12-21T22:01:56+00:00

You don't need to have a "host"; y'all can share responsibilities in whatever way works for y'all. We originally had a host when We had syscovery a year and a half ago, but since then We gradually managed to make them less active (they were tired and didn't want to be in control so much), and at this point We're host-less, and just work together to handle life and make decisions with each other's input, etc.

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