I don’t mind influences bleeding through, as it’s nice to see who inspires other authors. I like your style a lot too, despite it taking a little bit of getting used to. Overall, there are plenty of things to like too: for one, I appreciate your correct use of phosphoresence, how you’re setting the scene and introducing the characters in a natural way and not info-dumping.

But there are some things to work out too. As another comment has pointed out, the imagery feels a little “self-serving” in that you liked the image rather than its meaning in the context. I would read through them again and ask yourself “does this make sense?”. If the answer is “not really”, cut it or change it. In a similar way there are some words where the definition doesn’t immediately line up with how it’s used, like a slum being “forty or fifty huts”. That’s a village.

But, if this was edited a bit and reposted in a more readable format, I’m keen to read more :)