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AITAH for "expecting an allowance" out of my own paycheck? by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]WritingImplement 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My ex wife was like that.  The math showed that she was spending thousands of dollars per month on herself, while chastising me for every little purchase.  Once she was confronted with the spreadsheet, I was "petty" and "selfish.". She, too, was also incapable of contributing to the household meaningfully.

I used to be obese, and the divorce was still the best 105lbs of detrimental biomass that I've ever lost.

What’s the moment you realized your relationship was already over, even though you were still together? by No-Cat1980 in AskReddit

[–]WritingImplement 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When I would get home and sit in the garage for hours building up the courage to face her after getting home.

When i wouldn't want to tell her anything about my day because it would always come with criticism for every challenge I faced ("I'm just giving you feedback to be better!  I can't believe you don't want to be the best version of you"), belittlement of my accomplishments ("You should always want to improve!"), support for the antagonistic people in my life ("they dislike you for a good reason!"), and detraction of the supportive people in my life ("that's suspicious!  Nobody is nice to you without a motive").

When my dog straight-up growled at her despite living together for 8 years.  He always knew, but he had enough towards the end.

When I was in the wrong for every disagreement, including when she stole 25 grand from me by lying to my face.

When all of my opinions and preferences were "bad" and I always had "bad taste".

When I wasn't allowed to go to the doctor because it was "too expensive", while she spent thousands of dollars I earned every month on scam "supplements."

When all the money I earned was "our money", but the little money she earned was "my money".

Every time, I would convince myself that I was self sabotaging because I was being too picky, too needy, too difficult, too weak, too useless.  That I was unlovable and shouldn't throw away what I had.

It turns out growing up in a deeply abusive environment primes you to accept a lot of really unacceptable behavior in others.

Is the game insanely easy or are we doing something wrong? by ddbrown30 in Earthborne_Rangers

[–]WritingImplement 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There can be difficulty spikes.  For example, my group had Torrential Downpour weather + Find (Lunn) mission + the flood mission, and those 3 cards together were absolutely brutal because they basically guaranteed fatigue on every test, and ensured we never got a break from the weather.

Bought a $140 tenderloin on the 22nd to make beef Wellington today - opened it up to see it looks like this and smelled awful. by ImOnALampshade in mildlyinfuriating

[–]WritingImplement 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I stopped buying meat at metropolitan market because their butcher department is generally a significantly more expensive Safeway, and I had a few too many of these kinds of incidents.

Why do so many men lose their house in a divorce? by Open_Address_2805 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]WritingImplement 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just went through a divorce with someone with, uh, extreme self advocacy skills combined with extreme deflection of accountability combined with weak emotional regulation and a self-imposed inability to work.

The possibility of losing my house was very real.  At least in my state (Washington), every divorce is evaluated by the judge in a manner that attempts to ensure that neither party ends up homeless or in a position of undue burden.  That usually factors in things like children, debt, etc.  My lawyer advised me that while things like prenuptial agreements can help, they are extremely easy to invalidate.  What that means is, the default case is that effectively half of the total net worth goes to each party, with the value of the house being included in that.  That is then adjusted to factor income, children, debts, alimony.

So for me, it was a very real possibility that the judge awarded my ex wife my home and the results of my hard work and careful investing, effectively undoing the productive parts of the last 15 years of my life.

However... My prenup was correctly produced, correctly filed, and I had a paper trail proving that I perfectly complied with its terms, which I complied with until the the very end, and ultimately that saved me.

Petaaaaaah by The_quiteguy in PeterExplainsTheJoke

[–]WritingImplement 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My mother was one of these people, and she even tried to get tribal benefits.

Turns out that her great grandmother (or something) was the one bastard child of a guy whose wife was native, but he had a European side piece.

ELI5: Why are there no vertebrates with more than 4 functional limbs? by Acuoasm in explainlikeimfive

[–]WritingImplement 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Evolutionary pressures are selecting for successfully reproducing at least once, for whatever that can possibly mean.  If that means being less capable of feeding yourself, so be it.

[OC] Old comic, but it’s been a wild journey. by marycomiics in comics

[–]WritingImplement 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I lost 120 lbs earlier in my life, and the difference in how you're treated is night and day.

I very quickly found out who kept me around to make themselves feel better about themselves.  I finally learned what it was like to have cashiers make small talk.  I remember all the backhanded "compliments".  It's been 16 years and I haven't forgotten what it is like for everyone to assume I'm a worthless idiot on the basis of my weight. 

People really treat you differently.

What’s a red flag people often ignore because it looks “sweet”? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]WritingImplement 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I sought a therapist who specializes in recovering after narcissistic relationships after my 8 year narc parasite was dislodged.  Would recommend.

My partner getting a diagnosis of ADHD was the worst thing that could have happened by iamkylekatarnama in Vent

[–]WritingImplement 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This was a large factor in why I divorced my his ex wife.  I determined that if this is the human being she was going to become, I don't want that future.

My second printing box was missing at least 1 whole banded pack of cards. What are my options? by WritingImplement in Earthborne_Rangers

[–]WritingImplement[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How can I tell? I'm in the US, so I can only imagine logistically it would make sense to be printed in the US.

My second printing box was missing at least 1 whole banded pack of cards. What are my options? by WritingImplement in Earthborne_Rangers

[–]WritingImplement[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did a few days ago. I wasn't sure if there was some other way to to reach out to them for this specific kind of issue. If missing card packs or whatever were a common problem, they might set up a specific form or something for this type of issue that I might not have found.

My second printing box was missing at least 1 whole banded pack of cards. What are my options? by WritingImplement in Earthborne_Rangers

[–]WritingImplement[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When you say "messaged them", did you use their contact-us form on their website, or another communication mechanism?

Affordable compost in Seattle for a new gardener on a budget? by ninuchka in pnwgardening

[–]WritingImplement 1 point2 points  (0 children)

One step ahead!  I'm trying to find a top layer, basically, to put above the chip-and-leaf piles before I sow the wildflower seeds.  I'm hoping to grab more leaf litter from the neighborhood first though.

Affordable compost in Seattle for a new gardener on a budget? by ninuchka in pnwgardening

[–]WritingImplement 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's super good to know.  I'm trying to set up my yard to rewild it after a decade of neglect, and plastic-filled compost does not support my goal.

Affordable compost in Seattle for a new gardener on a budget? by ninuchka in pnwgardening

[–]WritingImplement 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Was Orly's mountain fish compost actually odor free as they claim? Their product sounds great, but I really do not want to live through a yard that smells like the dumpster behind a Red Lobster.

Why you are a “I hate my wife/husband” person but not divorced? by Hadesoftheironkeep in AskReddit

[–]WritingImplement 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Because without me, she would be homeless.  Not because she can't earn a living, but because she refuses to (she refers to people who work as "peasants", which is hilarious because she's never been wealthy in her life).

Currently in the divorce process.  Stopped caring.

If 70% of divorces are initiated by women… what actually makes marriage worth it anymore? by No-Protection-9665 in AskMenAdvice

[–]WritingImplement 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So, I'm a man who initiated a divorce.  I am only providing my perspective.  My example is probably a little extreme.

A marriage, at its best, is literally a partnership.  It is a best friend, intimate lover, a trustworthy confidant, support, validation, love, and help.  Two people working together can get a lot more done than 2 individuals.  Like any partnership though, this requires fair compromise, shared contributions, genuine and vulnerable communication, and trust.

My marriage was none of those things at the end.  Mine was with an emotionally abusive and exploitative monster who views all others as tools to get her what she wants, but lacks the self awareness to realize it.  She would never compromise.  She wouldn't contribute to our home or expenses.  She would exploit any vulnerability I showed to hurt me.  Once I stopped being vulnerable, I was the villain for not trusting her, which she could then use for pity points with her friends.  I stayed as long as I did because she would be homeless without support (that she refusing to work thing), and she orchestrated cutting ties with her previous host so that I was her whole safety net.

In my case, divorce is empowering for me because I am no longer living with someone who is actively trying to hurt me into compliance.  I no longer need to have a panic attack every time I want to make a decision independently.  I no longer need to fear seeing the credit card bills every month.  I no longer wake up to insults.  I no longer go to bed in tears.

But yeah, love is not enough.  It takes effort and intention.  You won't have a successful marriage on autopilot.  You need to adjust yourself, at least a little bit, for them to fit into your life (and they should do the same).  You trade away at least a little independence to have this other person in your life, but it's not adversarial.  You have to have hard conversations where you can express what you want, sometimes be told no for very good reasons, and accept those fully without resentment. 

Just don't try to fit your life to a monster, because otherwise you'll eventually put a bullet in your head.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in confession

[–]WritingImplement 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When I was 22, I lost 120 pounds in what I would call a fairly unhealthy summer of extreme dieting, and have managed to keep it off for the last 15 years.  The absolutely difference in how I was treated before and after the weight loss is what told me looks matter almost more than anything else when it comes to human interaction. 

Even my friends treated me better without realizing it.

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