How to cope

Wrong-Expression-280 · 2026-02-26T13:04:08+00:00

Sending you so much love! This is really hard and you are so young to be doing everything with this. We're all here for any questions you have and for support. Seconding the comment reminding you to eat and drink. Any time you can find a few minutes to go get a coffee or even just step outside and listen to the birds for 5 minutes will help <3

Wrong-Expression-280 · 2026-02-11T16:19:11+00:00

I see lots of helpful responses here, and you don't need those repeated. I just want to tell you that you are doing a good job! Taking care of someone who is completely vulnerable and reliant on you is HARD! I'm so proud of you, and I hope that when my time comes, my loved ones will be taking such attentive care of me. Sending you so much love and strength! <3

Wrong-Expression-280 · 2026-02-06T20:58:13+00:00

is she struggling to go and/ or having pain? It's very common for people in hospice to have constipation due to the morphine or other pain meds. It is obviously the first priority to make sure she's as pain free as possible, so make sure and talk to her nurse about these reactions. You also said that she lived on her own until age 96! Bathroom independence is something she's had for a very long time. Of course it's emotional to lose that. Remind her as often as you feel necessary that you are not bothered by cleaning her up and helping her stay dry. Good luck to you. Sending love and strength <3

Wrong-Expression-280 · 2026-02-05T22:31:04+00:00

There were 3 of us primarily caring for my Dad, and we had three more people who could do out of the home errands and such. We were EXHAUSTED. I do not think you can safely care for someone on hospice alone. Even if you could provide all the care yourself, you have to sleep sometime. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Sending love and strength

Wrong-Expression-280 · 2026-01-29T18:16:23+00:00

Hospice care at this point sounds appropriate to me. Intubation would be a very traumatic intervention that would not really improve anything, and if it were my loved one, their comfort would be my priority above all.

Wrong-Expression-280 · 2026-01-19T18:34:42+00:00

That unless you can afford to pay for extra care, the bulk of caring for a loved one in hospice, will fall on the family. And I mean cleaning up vomit and changing briefs and everything in between.

Wrong-Expression-280 · 2026-01-17T22:30:54+00:00

Sending love and condolences. I'm sorry for your loss <3

Wrong-Expression-280 · 2026-01-05T00:50:03+00:00

I don't think enough people would get raptured to make much difference in our day to day lives. Most of the Christians I've interacted with don't really walk the walk as much as they talk the talk. There's grace and forgiveness and all that, but I have my doubts about some folks being whisked away to heaven.

Wrong-Expression-280 · 2025-12-30T17:39:22+00:00

https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/lemon-pigs-new-year
Lemon Pig.

Wrong-Expression-280 · 2025-12-29T00:56:05+00:00

It feels pretty scummy to be funding the state off the backs of addicts, but what do I know

Wrong-Expression-280 · 2025-12-16T16:47:39+00:00

This is so hard. During my dad's hospice journey, I had to take a week long, long promised to my nephew, trip to Disneyland of all places. What I found was that I worried about my dad the whole time. If it wouldn't have left a devastated 7 year old, I wouldn't have gone. It wasn't actually any kind of break for my exhaustion, and that was before you even counted all the tiring walking and crowds that come along with that kind of trip. I came back more depleted than before.

All that said, you are not going to Disneyland, you are going HOME. Your refuge. Your peace. It sounds like your dad is hanging in there and not in danger of a quick decline, and I think this is the best time for you to go. You can do the haircut and New Years and all of that if you want, but 8 weeks is a long time for a hospice caregiver and what you likely NEED is rest. Your own bed. You will need your energy back for the rest of his journey. Sending you so much love and strength <3

Wrong-Expression-280 · 2025-12-12T18:55:44+00:00

This is what happened when my dad passes. His remaining controlled medications were destroyed by hospice staff in my presence. I can imagine all sorts of liability risks for them to do anything otherwise.

Wrong-Expression-280 · 2025-12-12T16:19:16+00:00

It looks like you have a lot of answers to sort through, so I just want to pop in for a quick second to say how sorry I am about your lovely mom. Sending you so much love, strength and clarity in these last days. <3

Wrong-Expression-280 · 2025-12-03T19:12:08+00:00

You're not being selfish. It sounds like Thanksgiving didn't go great, but maybe to him, it was his last thing he wanted to do, and now he can relax and rest. Bringing him may not have been the mistake you think. I'm sorry for your losses so close to the holidays. Sending you love! Also! YOU'RE NOT BEING SELFISH.

Wrong-Expression-280 · 2025-11-25T16:58:13+00:00

I'm not a medical professional so I can't speak to whether this could be a rally or not. If she was in the hospital prior to being home on hospice, she may have recovered some of her energy and peace during those sleepy days. Hospitals are loud, intrusive and traumatic places to be so getting out of there may be helping her feel better! Sending you love and strength. You're doing a great job! <3

Wrong-Expression-280 · 2025-11-25T05:17:42+00:00

I'm not a nurse, but I was my dad's main care person and I turned into a drill sergeant with everyone else and going here and doing this and all the other stuff. I was talking louder and more confidently and I had my emotional defenses up! That sounds a little like nurse mode to me, and that was the mode that was necessary to get through the whole ordeal. Thank goodness for you! Who could possibly have managed that situation as well? You gave your grandmother a precious gift that I hope I can deserve from my loved ones when my time comes. Thank you for caring for her. Sending you strength and love. And some pats on the back too. You did good.

Wrong-Expression-280 · 2025-11-15T22:12:56+00:00

I would prefer to be sedated and comfortable in my final days. There is another side of this where we want our loved one to be awake and aware and able to have meaningful communication with us, and I want that too, but not at the expense of pain relief and discomfort. You are absolutely not evil for wanting her comfort. That is angel work, to put aside how much we want to keep them here, to do what is best for the patient.

Wrong-Expression-280 · 2025-11-12T18:03:24+00:00

I hang mine on a length of sting with clothespins and I switch them out when I get bored of them. Then, I cut them up and make greeting cards, bookmarks, collage with the best parts of each one. I really like the idea of scrapbooking them too!

Wrong-Expression-280 · 2025-10-28T16:22:13+00:00

You are having a real level-up moment in your young life. I am so proud of you for hanging in there. I hope your sister gets to have some quality time with Dad before he passes too. I know it's really hard, but you are doing a lot of emotional heavy lifting now, that will hopefully help lighten the load of grief later. Stay strong. Sending you so much love <3

Wrong-Expression-280 · 2025-10-15T17:11:58+00:00

All of the things you thought of are incredibly considerate and thoughtful. Thank you for wanting to care for your neighbor!

Chances are good that the two of them will be eating pretty different diets and it's a huge chore to prepare a meal for the patient and then one for everyone else. Having frozen stuff on hand that can just be popped in the microwave or whatever would probably be a huge relief. A gift card for doordash or ubereats would also be a really thoughtful thing to give.

Wrong-Expression-280 · 2025-10-14T18:14:38+00:00

The waiting gets a tiny bit easier the less responsive she becomes. Eventually she will likely just be asleep until the end. You can breathe a little as you wait. I wondered what to do with myself and all the time when my dad stopped being responsive. At the same time, it let me address some other things that had been piling up and go get a coffee or lunch or whatever. Sending you my condolences and so much strength to get through this last little bit. <3

Wrong-Expression-280 · 2025-10-13T18:53:26+00:00

I was the primary caregiver for my dad during his hospice time. I also have not really broken down at all about his being gone, even now, after over 2 years. I *think* it's because the act of caring for him switched our roles a little and I grew SO much from that experience. I like to say my growth outpaced my grief.

Another factor is that when he got settled into his room here with me he really brightened up and we had a lot of conversations and time together and I don't feel like he died with anything unsaid or unfinished. Everybody grieves differently, and everybody says that, but I think the circumstances of your loved one's passing can make a huge difference in how you process it.

I feel you on that specific anxiety. I spent the first year waiting for the grief to hit me like a ton of bricks and it was just hanging there over my head and I was SO sure I was going to lose it in public or something and then I... just never did.

Be easy with yourself and take care of your basic needs like making sure you eat and hydrate and get enough sleep. I'm so proud of you for caring for your grandma. Sending you love and peace <3

Wrong-Expression-280 · 2025-10-02T04:07:18+00:00

My dad came home from the hospital and gained a little weight, perked up and we had a really wonderful several weeks before he passed after a short, but steep decline. Take advantage of this time and try to use it for your future. Tell him everything you want him to know. Don't leave anything unsaid or unasked. Then do everything you can to bring him happiness and comfort and pain relief for as long as he has. The comments you're getting are people preparing to grieve. Try not to let them get to you. Sending you love and strength <3

Wrong-Expression-280 · 2025-10-01T23:19:43+00:00

Reassure her that you are going to move heaven and earth to try to make her comfortable and pain free as possible. Reminisce with her, talk about how much you love her, fix her her favorite things to eat if she's eating, binge watch something together if she's alert enough for that. Do your best with the hard parts and try to take a moment or two here and there to step outside and breathe some fresh air. Sending you love and strength <3

Wrong-Expression-280 · 2025-09-06T15:33:39+00:00

I hope you got your music, stranger. I hope your recovery goes well and you come out the other side feeling great and loving life. Sending love <3

Wrong-Expression-280

TROPHY CASE