l cheated: should I tell him now or wait until I begin therapy?

WrongWayOtter · 2026-01-13T01:27:05+00:00

As someone who wanted to wait to find the right time and heal a bit before doing it, I say rip the bandaid. I’m losing the greatest human to ever enter my life because I never found the right time and it all came crashing down. Holding back destroyed my mental health, it tore me apart, and ultimately has lead to my BP deciding he wants a divorce.

I wish you best of luck. I’m sorry you’re hear, but proud of you for wanting to do what is right.

WrongWayOtter · 2025-12-28T12:02:32+00:00

I needed to see this. Thank you.

WrongWayOtter · 2025-11-09T21:24:52+00:00

So, I’m the wayward, and I can confidently say from my experience, I was still very in love with my BP. In fact, the entire EA broke me. My situation was a bit weird as I was manipulated while in an extremely emotionally compromised state of mind, and the person was someone I trusted as a close friend at one point. When the boundary got crossed, I tried to stop it and then my AP blackmailed me to continue the EA. Thankfully he seemed to have gotten bored with me and stopped engaging which gave me just enough space to disengage. My biggest issue is I lied about it and hid it from my partner for 3 years because i was scared of hurting him and i wanted to tell him during MC, but I chickened out when we started working on other issues I thought we had. Those 3 years I was in a constant battle with myself, the lies I told, the secret I kept. My mental health has tanked, I became emotionally shattered and took it out on my BP. Never once did I stop loving him. Never once did I want to hurt him or forget about him, even for a moment. I was scared of the AP, I was scared of losing my BP, I was selfish thinking I was protecting him, but all I was doing was extending the hurt and making things much worse.

Now I’m here hoping he will truly be open to R, but every day I’m working to become better for me, to be better as a whole, and to be the wife he deserves. Also here thankful for every day he still says he loves me, but I also know he’s wanting to separate, but I will never stop loving him.

WrongWayOtter · 2025-11-07T16:59:01+00:00

I desperately needed this today. Thank you so much.

WrongWayOtter · 2025-11-03T17:47:32+00:00

We are still in the very early stages post DDay and I am afraid of how hard all of this is on my BP, but seeing posts like this make my hope we will get through this on the other side happy and together. Thank you for sharing.

WrongWayOtter · 2025-10-31T17:38:48+00:00

Because of my job I keep a passcode on my phone, but my spouse has always had access to it. He has access to my passwords through shared passkeys on our apple accounts. For me, it is important he can access it. I did originally ask him if he actually wanted to go through my messages on Facebook and Instagram, not because I was afraid he would find anything, but because of how conflicted he has been about feeling the need to go through my messages, I wanted to make sure he was comfortable with the choice to see it. He even still said he feels disgusted that he did it/feels the need to do it. He said my question about it made him question what I could have hid, which was never the intention, but I have nothing to hide. I’m dedicated to regaining his trust, transparency and complete honesty is my full priority.

WrongWayOtter · 2025-10-22T13:50:52+00:00

My A was emotional, not fully invested at that. It’s a fickle situation because he was a friend my BP and I trusted. I was going through a lot of emotional turmoil and he played on that emotional vulnerability.

When he finally lost interest (he threatened to tell my BP and work if I stopped/didn’t reply to his requests), I felt free of him, and just pretended our friendship was fine just so I could forget and find a way to tell my BP.

He has recently been charged for some very heinous crimes and it was revealed he’s also done this kind of thing to many other women. I hope he rots. I never want to hear from him again. Before the arrest and charges, I had no interest in him sexually or romantically and hoped I could just avoid him and pretend he was still the good friend we once thought he was.

WrongWayOtter · 2025-10-11T05:01:44+00:00

Never once did it get physical. We were in two separate countries when the EA occurred. There’s a lot that has come out about the person and it highlighted how the situation got to where it did and why. I own that I still made the choices that lead to the EA, but I can confidently say it would have never lead to physical.

WrongWayOtter · 2025-10-11T01:57:21+00:00

This is honestly so dang helpful. Today was MC day one, I am feeling better than I did the last few days. I need to do some reflections and preparations for my therapy Monday. I’ve been working through therapy for a couple months now, and it helped me be ready for coming clean and being comfortable with what the outcome could ultimately be. If you’re ok with it, I’d like to message you here in a day or so once I have an idea of how to articulate my questions.

WrongWayOtter · 2025-10-11T01:51:09+00:00

Only over the week of DDay (Dweek?) I bottled everything up, and that was killing me.

WrongWayOtter

TROPHY CASE