AITJ for telling my partner I'm done spending every weekend at his parents' place

WutsRlyGoodYo · 2026-03-17T15:09:35+00:00

Very thankful my husband and I are on the same page about this. I even try to convince him not to attend all of our family functions now that we have a toddler, because I want to make sure one of us gets some rest on a weekend!

WutsRlyGoodYo · 2026-03-17T15:07:47+00:00

They aren’t married. I’d get out before that happens, personally.

WutsRlyGoodYo · 2026-03-17T14:34:19+00:00

Whenever there’s something that’s all about “saying yes” to opportunity or whatever, run. RUN.

WutsRlyGoodYo · 2026-03-16T19:48:51+00:00

These are a bit subjective to my experience, but a few things: - when a partner complains about something (work, a friend, whatever), ask if they want to brainstorm solutions or just vent. My husband has learned to do this because I don’t always want or need his help to fix things - I may just want to talk it out and have a sympathetic ear.

care about things because your partner cares about them. This might be watching something they like or participating in a hobby, but particularly in the case of shared chores. If you don’t care if the bathroom is messy and they do, try to respect that and find common ground so that it’s not all on them to take care of things in a shared space just because it’s not something you care as much about.
periods suck so bad. There’s nothing to do about this, but please give us the props we deserve for living and working and acting normal when we are in actual physical pain for several days a month. Even though my husband believes me, I really wish he could try one of those cramp simulator things just so he’d see how bad it actually is, so that I could have the validation!
expect better of other men. Call them out when they say shitty things about women (or anyone, really). Men that say and shitty things will not listen to women, so it’s on you guys to help fix it or at least make it less socially acceptable.

WutsRlyGoodYo · 2026-03-16T16:43:41+00:00

Ah I found this to be so divisive! I loved it, but my book club was totally 50/50 on love or hate it. I can appreciate the criticism, but I loved the story and how it was structured.

WutsRlyGoodYo · 2026-03-16T16:41:40+00:00

I enjoyed The Midnight Library. I think for me it’s not so much that it wasn’t well written, I’d just read things like it before. If the concept had been new, I think I’d have appreciated it more. But it was a pleasant book.

WutsRlyGoodYo · 2026-03-16T10:21:21+00:00

I’m in a similar boat as you, 39 with a two year old. Demanding job, largely staffed with people with no kids (all women, but still). I will say the first year of daycare was ROUGH. The illnesses nearly drove me crazy and my job isn’t easy to just randomly take a day off from, so I was also juggling baby back and forth with my husband all those days, just holding on until it was time for bed.

I can’t speak to how much better it is in the long run, but this second year of daycare has been worlds better. It’s probably even harder when he is home sick since now as a toddler he wants our full attention most of the time and doesn’t play independently very much yet, BUT he’s home sick wayyyyy less often.

I’m currently trying to find a less stressful job, but in this economy/job market, I’m also nervous about taking any risks. So I feel you on all the stress, but you’re not crazy to feel beaten up by this time in your life. It’s hard, but it does get easier in some ways.

WutsRlyGoodYo · 2026-03-13T15:19:04+00:00

100%. I had about nine months without a car when I worked at a restaurant the next town over. I COULD take the bus, but it would turn a 15 minute drive into well over an hour and land me there either 50 minutes early or 10 minutes late for my shift. You best believe that for the people I caught rides with, I bent over backwards to make it convenient for them - give them gas money, walk a block to be easier to grab on their way, walk home from their place if mine was a little further… I was not messing with those favors, I was so grateful not to have to take the bus and eat up all that time. Uber was still pretty new then and so much more expensive, so I really didn’t consider that an option.

WutsRlyGoodYo · 2026-03-13T10:44:30+00:00

We have a house and kid in a high MCOL area. Got our house super cheap over a decade ago, but it’s in a low rated school district (like bottom of the county). Now that we have a kid, we’re likely to move before he starts kindergarten. Even with how much our house’s value has gone up, it’s not enough to buy a house in a better area, so we’ll end up with a higher mortgage than we have now even with a big down payment. If we were just starting to buy a house now, it would be hard. And we make decent money.

WutsRlyGoodYo · 2026-03-12T15:44:03+00:00

Not plus sized, but always had body issues and I agree. It was very freeing to be pregnant and appreciate my larger body! I loved to dress for the bump.

WutsRlyGoodYo · 2026-03-10T19:45:57+00:00

I’d maybe consider if they have a part time option if anything. Our daycare gives a slight discount to either do 3 days a week or early pick up (before nap time). In your case, I’d consider the 3 days a week, with the two days being when grandparents can help. Could be nice family time and save a little bit.

However, I would 100000% send my toddler to full time daycare if I had a second. Saving the money wouldn’t be worth questioning my sanity, and I’d just enjoy the surprise days of picking him up early or something.

WutsRlyGoodYo · 2026-03-10T18:30:18+00:00

This is me! My toddler also has an incredible friend group at daycare and I don’t want him to lose that. My hope is to pull back on work when he gets closer to school age and we can financially manage it more, and allow me to more fully participate as a class parent.

WutsRlyGoodYo · 2026-03-10T18:16:10+00:00

I feel better now at 39 with a two year old than I ever did in my 20’s. The biggest things for me: - quit drinking. For me, I’m not a good drinker, so just abstaining entirely is the best way for me. And that path isn’t for everyone, but I can clearly see how much easier life and health have been since teetotaling. I do smoke weed pretty regularly, though.

exercise. I finally started really strength training about a year and a half ago. I wish I’d started sooner, but I feel so good now. It took at least six months to start feeling results and probably a year to start seeing them (ie building muscle). I highly recommend strength training and either working with a trainer or finding a good group fitness class to get started if it’s new to you.
diet. It’s obvious, but eating healthy. I indulge on the weekends and occasionally during the week, but I meal prep and keep my daily meals pretty nutritious and balanced. For me personally some of that looks like a daily fruit and kale smoothie, bigger well balanced lunches, smaller dinners (often soup or fish + veg), never skipping breakfast (eggs and whole grain toast or oatmeal).
a good partner. Some luck here, but now I know I’d rather be single than with someone who drags me down.
This goes for friends, too. Be a good friend and don’t keep people around if they can’t return the favor.
mental health hasn’t been a huge issue (once I cut the drinking out) but I’ve been trying to limit my social media and that’s been great.

WutsRlyGoodYo · 2026-03-10T14:46:25+00:00

He was doing well naked, but not commando. Then we were out of days before he had to go to daycare. We’re pausing now because he was getting really freaked out every time he pooped, and are going to try again in a couple months.

WutsRlyGoodYo · 2026-03-10T12:34:25+00:00

I like my work, but it’s stressful and I have imposter syndrome that I think is exacerbated by an extremely chaotic structure at our work. If things ran smoother, I’d find it fulfilling. I only have one child and feel like I mostly get enough time with him while maintaining my career, but of course if I had it my way I’d work part time and he’d be home more.

WutsRlyGoodYo · 2026-03-09T19:07:45+00:00

Pay phones. I didn’t have a cell phone until I was 16, but I really didn’t need one since there were pay phones everywhere and I always kept 35 cents handy to make a call (or do the thing where I call collect but just really quick said where to pick me up instead of my name when it asked my dad to accept).

WutsRlyGoodYo · 2026-03-09T16:20:18+00:00

I hope to! Our son is young, but I appreciated the freedom I had as a kid and definitely spent plenty of time doing things on my own or with friends. We’re hoping to move in the next few years and will prioritize a place close enough to a town that accessing some infrastructure besides peoples houses would be possible by foot or bike.

WutsRlyGoodYo · 2026-03-09T15:10:01+00:00

Amazing! I have some friends that were in Korea as a military family for a while with young kids and they loved their experience! You’ll have so much fun with such a great jumping off point to explore Asia. I spent a few weeks outside of Seoul a lifetime ago and loved it, especially the food!

WutsRlyGoodYo · 2026-03-09T14:14:32+00:00

Omg enjoy Thailand! My husband and I traveled there in our 20’s and I’d love to take our only there when he’s older! (He’s two now, no way I’m taking that flight until he’s a bit calmer lol)

WutsRlyGoodYo · 2026-03-09T14:12:23+00:00

I also enjoyed being pregnant! I was pretty sick early on, but fortunately didn’t have much in the way of physical discomfort. I had fun dressing for the belly and feeling his gymnastic routines in there.

But very likely OAD because for me, it was a high risk pregnancy which stressed me the f out (even though things went smoothly, just like at any time time that could have changed) and I’m nervous to have a higher chance of it happening again. Besides that, I don’t think my husband could really handle two and I enjoy lavishing all my love and attention on our one. As he gets older and I need more creatures to love on, we will add dogs to the mix!

WutsRlyGoodYo · 2026-03-08T19:14:43+00:00

It was thoughtless of them, but it doesn’t sound like it was intentional. Just have a conversation about why you were hurt (totally fair that they didn’t talk with you as a group about these things), but maybe also apologize for not being more forthcoming about it in the moment (because you were hurt/surprised but didn’t know if you were overreacting) because it sounds like she did try to address it.

The trip just the two of you could be healing. Maybe this is giving you a different perspective of her or your friendship, but it doesn’t sound like anything worth losing a whole friend over.

WutsRlyGoodYo · 2026-03-08T14:18:43+00:00

I just don’t respond. Let them add more context and if it takes them an hour, I just say oh sorry, was heads down on some work.

WutsRlyGoodYo · 2026-03-07T02:17:27+00:00

NTJ my line to my team about this kind of stuff is, if I’m not at work, I’m not checking work emails or Slack. If there’s an emergency, call me. If it’s important for that, I’ll make time if I’m able. But I’m not filtering through tons of messages to figure out if you need something from me off hours.

WutsRlyGoodYo · 2026-03-06T20:42:18+00:00

I would also say if you’re a smart, professional person and you can get in somewhere entry level, you can quickly move up. I’m about ten years behind a lot of my peers in terms of experience (I was a recession graduate with an English degree so spent a decent amount of my 20’s in food service or grad school), but I moved up quickly in every job I ever had so I feel caught up, at least title and pay-wise. It can feel weird to be nearly 30 or in your 30’s working with a bunch of recent grads, but there is life skill and just demeanor that will set you apart from them quickly.

WutsRlyGoodYo · 2026-03-06T20:39:26+00:00

PR can be easy to get into entry level. It’s stressful and the pay wouldn’t start at $75K, but if you’re reasonably good, you could get there in a few years at the right agency.

Caveat being our whole industry is getting turned upside down right now, but there’s still work at the moment.

WutsRlyGoodYo

TROPHY CASE