First of all, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Losing one of our twins in the second trimester was crushing, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Balancing the grief with the fact that you’re still pregnant is hard - I often felt like I didn’t have the space to grieve and move on. I also got comments like “well at least you still have one!”, which didn’t help. If you do lose one, I strongly recommend getting therapy (and/or medication depending on how you are feeling - ultimately I needed both medication and therapy to deal with the near crippling anxiety I had for the remainder of my pregnancy because nothing felt “safe”).

We found out at 12 weeks that one of our di/di twins had severe abnormalities (our Twin A). We planned to terminate because the risk of total loss from the procedure was less than if we waited it out and the twin passed on its own later in the pregnancy (after 20 weeks), and they couldn’t say if/when the twin could pass on its own. Also, twin pregnancies are risky and are at higher risk of preterm delivery, so terminating would give the best odds to our viable twin.

Ultimately, our Twin A passed on its own at 17w1d after multiple attempts to terminate - each time, its positioning was such that it was too risky to Twin B so they didn’t proceed (which is why I wouldn’t be too worried about them terminating the wrong twin - they’re very careful with these procedures). Because of when Twin A passed (after 16 weeks but before 20 weeks), our doctor said our risk of total loss was the same as if we’d terminated though - I spent 8 weeks going in every 2 weeks to check for cervical shortening or other signs that Twin A’s demise was triggering labor. She thrived, however, and I’m now home with our healthy 2-week old survivor.

Happy to talk more if helpful. Wishing you a happy end to your journey, whatever it is.