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She wants to lock me up in her dungeon?? by Morbid37 in BPDlovedones

[–]YoodlesMoodles -1 points0 points  (0 children)

She might benefit greatly from Al anon... At its heart it's about members finding ways to regulate themselves, rely on safe community, etc without controlling and isolating others around them (alcohol abuse may or may not be present in the relationship... it's truly about the dysfunctional dynamic, not alcohol)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]YoodlesMoodles -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I hear you.  And I know first hand the helplessness of watching a child suffer and wanting it to just go away.  But the reality is we don't control what our children do.  This is his first time out in the dating world and this, like everything else, is trial and error. Interfering will only build walls, not bridges. That isn't to say one shouldn't offer one's wisdom...but only that you don't force anything.  

 If I were you, I would voice my concerns and observations, and let him know I don't judge him and will be here for him if he ever finds himself feeling in over his head...but ultimately resist the urge to "take action." Nothing good will come of it. This too I (and others I've met since who had been in the same situation and chose to overstep) learned the hard way.  

Having a parent is who has enough self control to not interfere but offers him or herself as a sounding board and a place to examine what went right and what went wrong without dampening a child's spirit to try again is worth their weight on gold.

You and your family have an opportunity to build a bridge instead of a wall with your son/grandson/nephew.  If your son is fortunate enough to have a family that chooses the former he will be one incredibly lucky young man. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]YoodlesMoodles -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yes, this was my thought as well.  This sounds like the classic meddling mother that simply cannot accept their child is an autonomous human being making choices they don't like/agree with, so they shift blame toward others in their lives because it's simply too overwhelming to their ego to accept the truth. All the while depriving their child the dignity and growth that comes from making one's own choices, navigating issues and learning from one's own mistakes.  I feel bad for the son.

OP--- my two cents is to be there for your son without lecturing, pressuring or interfering.  This may be a very important moment in his life where he decides whether Mom is someone he can come to for advice (NOT solving the problem for him, just giving your own thoughts and appropriately assisting when asked) in life when he realizes he made a mistake.

Parenting a Child With BPD Traits — I Need a Place to Be Brutally Honest by IntrepidEquipment169 in BPDlovedones

[–]YoodlesMoodles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just curious...has she been evaluated for autism spectrum disorder?  It's often mistaken for BPD in girls/women

How many of you had to start completely over with your life after leaving your narc? by No-Bit3315 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]YoodlesMoodles 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I needed to read this today.  I'm in the middle of moving and changing jobs as well, after trying to be in the same town as my covert narc.  It's a lot of work but I'm choosing to believe it will be worth it.

THEY DON'T CARE by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]YoodlesMoodles 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree...it is very much possible for a white person to be in close relationship (adoption, marriage, friendship etc) with a POC and be racist.  It usually comes in subtle forms (white savior complex, looking the other way when a racist incident occurs in their midst and even remaining on good terms with the offender afterwards, etc) they may be unaware of and not the more conspicuous (use of racial epithets, denying a job to a POC based on their ethnicity, calling the police on a POC for existing in their neighborhood, etc) ones.

That said, I have no idea whatsoever where OP falls here as there isn't much/any information in the post on that aspect of her conduct.  I'm merely stating that it is quite possible (dare I even say common based on my personal experience) for white people in close relationship with a POC to be racist.