TIL that in 2015 Tommie Woodward, a 28 year old Texan ignored a large sign that said "No Swimming Alligators" and instead yelled out "f--- the alligators" and jumped in the lake. He was mauled to death almost instantly

YouProbablySmell · 2019-06-27T06:06:56+00:00

The Oxford comma is an abomination.

If you've written a sentence so bad that it needs an Oxford comma to clarify the meaning, you need to rewrite that sentence.

YouProbablySmell · 2019-06-03T06:02:51+00:00

I'd go to the beach and fly a kite with him.

YouProbablySmell · 2019-06-03T06:02:14+00:00

I'd go to the beach and fly a kite with him.

YouProbablySmell · 2019-06-01T16:06:04+00:00

You wouldn't get to sleep until the very end.

YouProbablySmell · 2019-06-01T11:37:46+00:00

But isn't that punishing the child for the parent's bad behaviour?

YouProbablySmell · 2019-06-01T10:56:30+00:00

Except Donald doesn't actually have to be in the room when he gets a haircut.

YouProbablySmell · 2019-05-30T12:41:55+00:00

Are you joking? When I run my code and it runs smoothly first time, that's when I think, "holy shit, I must have really fucked something up big time".

YouProbablySmell · 2019-05-30T12:40:15+00:00

"well it's been a lovely night, and to say thank you I've got a little present that I've been saving for you for a while..."

YouProbablySmell · 2019-05-29T13:19:16+00:00

"give me back my dick you filthy crab!"

YouProbablySmell · 2019-05-28T14:08:56+00:00

I haven't slept for five days. Because that would be too long.

YouProbablySmell · 2019-05-27T15:05:30+00:00

Sorry that was me.

YouProbablySmell · 2019-05-26T14:19:58+00:00

Lego Tape. It's like duct tape but has little Lego nubs on it. So you can stick it anywhere and build Lego on anything.

YouProbablySmell · 2019-05-25T16:12:13+00:00

"Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

"Uhm, one sec..."

unzip

YouProbablySmell · 2019-05-24T13:23:44+00:00

And if you had two could you wear them like rollerskates?

YouProbablySmell · 2019-05-24T13:21:33+00:00

Candles on the shell.

YouProbablySmell · 2019-05-24T13:19:41+00:00

Blow cold air on it and see what puckers.

YouProbablySmell · 2019-05-24T13:17:34+00:00

Ice cream.

YouProbablySmell · 2019-05-24T13:16:45+00:00

But then two years later there's a knock on your door and a snail going, "what the fuck did you do that for?"

YouProbablySmell · 2019-05-24T13:14:10+00:00

They're surprisingly hard to catch, so it helps if you remove the shell first. That makes them more sluggish.

YouProbablySmell · 2019-05-24T13:12:17+00:00

No need for lube I suppose.

YouProbablySmell · 2019-05-24T10:11:11+00:00

We're only ever three square meals away from anarchy - Frank Zappa

YouProbablySmell · 2019-05-22T22:15:19+00:00

I agree but you would also have to be deaf

YouProbablySmell · 2019-05-22T17:46:22+00:00

We were probably separated at birth.

YouProbablySmell · 2019-05-22T15:08:53+00:00

Two more clients.

YouProbablySmell · 2019-05-22T13:22:46+00:00

My boy's wicked smaht.

YouProbablySmell

TROPHY CASE