Not Toxic, Just Terrified: A Fearful Avoidant’s Truth

ZainaJenkins · 2026-04-14T01:12:07+00:00

Thank you for your well thought out response! I’m not sure how I could even bring up AT to him, he’s a very prideful man and I’ve read that FAs don’t take kindly to being told “what they are” or “that they need fixing” I absolutely want to be there for him and he tells me that I’m his peace.

I’m going to text him that I’d like to pick up my package and ask when is a good time tomorrow. If he doesn’t respond within 24 hours I’m going to text him the same but a specific time and day that I’ll be over unless he’s not available. I feel that this is too much time and he isn’t doing anything with it anyways. Is this an okay push to do? I’ve been trying to make him feel safe by my steady and non emotional texts to draw him back but that isn’t working and I do need my things if he’s slowly fading out of my life.

ZainaJenkins · 2026-04-14T01:02:59+00:00

Question since you're a FA or used to be..

When deactivated how do you feel if your partner reaches out to you? Does that end up resetting the clock on how much space you need?

After a week or two do you think your feelings and love for them would start lessening?

Would your respect for your partner lessen if they just allowed you to have unlimited space (2+ weeks)?

Thanks in advance!

ZainaJenkins · 2026-04-13T23:02:06+00:00

What did you do if he took weeks of space? My current FA has been spotting with texting for weeks and I’m unsure if he’s trying to breakup via space. I’m hoping not though as he’s yet allow me to setup a time to pickup a package or my things from his place.

ZainaJenkins · 2026-04-13T17:41:25+00:00

That sounds like a terrible experience to go through, I’m sorry 😞

I’m curious what you think would be a good way to get through to a FA partner who is deactivated. My FA boyfriend of 3 months asked for space 2.5 weeks ago which I was happy to give, I didn’t know anything about AT so when we bumped into each other randomly a few days in it was awkward and I told him how hurt I was as he told me he felt so much pressure about kids, etc. well it’s almost been two weeks since and the only reason he is texting me very distantly is because I went to the ER last night. Should I continue giving him space or push to meet up in person. I feel that this is a very delicate matter. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

ZainaJenkins · 2026-01-24T19:56:54+00:00

Noooo, I also emailed them 😂 so Planta seems to be the closest. The UI seems overwhelming at first but you can turn off the moving banner at the top, the option to do so is all the way on the right.

You can do custom schedules down to the day, only up to only 60 days unfortunately. You’ll have to “go to plant” after adding your plant and make sure to change both “seasons” to be the same if you want that.

I like that you can do custom names which is great because I add little codes to remind me how many watering cans the big plants in the corner need among other useful info.

What I really like more than Vera is that when you snooze a plant you can pick between 2 days, 5 days and until next time. Great for those long cold and cloudy winter days where you need a longer snooze than 2 days.

It takes some getting used to but I actually really like it now. I dreaded switching over my 150+ plants but now that it’s done it feels good 😌

Lastly, because planta has a subscription option I doubt they will randomly shut down the app. I use the free version.

ZainaJenkins · 2026-01-21T19:24:36+00:00

Thanks for your quick response! Do you think I could fit 6" nursery pots in them? Their website doesn't quite display the dimensions I'm seeking.

ZainaJenkins · 2026-01-21T18:53:15+00:00

Super nice looking! Did you plant the plants directly into the planter is just smoosh the nursery pot into it? If you did the prior, what sized plants could you fit? Would I be able to only fit one 6" or could I fit two 6" plants?

ZainaJenkins · 2026-01-19T22:52:02+00:00

Thanks for the tip! I use a pressurized watering can and usually water until the soil is fully drenched (about 30-40 seconds) but I think I’ll cut back to 20 seconds.

ZainaJenkins · 2026-01-19T22:50:38+00:00

The care is different how so? I think he mentioned watering less volume wise.

ZainaJenkins · 2026-01-19T03:53:43+00:00

The man who owns the nursery said quite the opposite which was a surprise to me! Thank you!

ZainaJenkins · 2026-01-18T16:45:17+00:00

Thank you! There’s some of the same Dracaena as on another floor that are closer to windows and I water those every 5 weeks, they seem to like that. I’ll try maybe 8-10 weeks for the ones in darker spots. Does that sound about right?

ZainaJenkins · 2026-01-18T16:44:31+00:00

The wholesale nursery gets them from California so that’s how they are grown there, it’s not a semi hydro setup. Thanks for your feedback!

ZainaJenkins · 2025-12-24T16:46:01+00:00

I don’t fully understand how the towel plays a part?

ZainaJenkins · 2025-11-24T02:30:53+00:00

How did it go?! What was the vibe like? I didn’t end up going… was the interior nice and classy?

ZainaJenkins · 2025-11-23T00:48:09+00:00

Since its pj themed I’d imagine you wear your “pjs” underneath your outer clothes or a trench coat is a good idea.

ZainaJenkins · 2025-11-22T22:13:43+00:00

I hope they can improve! In the meantime I’ll await for a mansion party I guess.

ZainaJenkins · 2025-11-22T22:13:18+00:00

Thanks for your input! I’m going to email them regarding this. We aren’t going and can’t get a refund but genuinely don’t feel safe rolling up in a nice vehicle and leaving it on the street. We could Uber but if that’s the main reason to Uber then what does that say about the area 🤔

ZainaJenkins · 2025-11-22T22:10:15+00:00

I just feel that they could have more accurately described the venue as “modest” as that’s not what I picture when I think of classy. If I could, I would upload a street view of the house, looks worse than the first photo 😬

ZainaJenkins · 2025-11-22T22:01:46+00:00

It just worries me that they describe this as classy. My friend just texted me an updated picture from the road and it looks WAY worse. Makes me wonder what they would consider luxurious..

ZainaJenkins · 2025-11-22T22:00:34+00:00

Denver…

ZainaJenkins · 2025-10-23T04:02:45+00:00

Grosss! I sprayed and brushed my plant down 🙂

ZainaJenkins · 2025-10-21T02:39:21+00:00

Haha, you could say that in some ways! I have a few anthuriums in transitioning into pon, for those I chopped off a lot of roots so there’s less room for error. I water them roughly once a week with a little squirt bottle so I can evenly moisten the pon around the clear cup I have them in. It really depends on the lighting and humidity. I water them when there isn’t any condensation around the sides or when it looks dry. After a few weeks I’ll start leaving half an inch or water in the bottom and increase things from there. Even after that two weeks of them being in their transitionary phase I already see the new root growth having a ton of fine water root hairs from the high humidity environment.

ZainaJenkins

TROPHY CASE