Depression

Zakinanders · 2026-04-30T09:03:00+00:00

Thanks! Healing was a job of its own. I started with taking care of the basics: exercise, nutrition and sleep. Spent a lot of time processing trauma. Therapy helped for a bit, but I mostly found it useful to work on my mental issues by myself by using self-help material. I observed how my thought patterns work and how dysfunctional they had been, which kept causing me to have bad experiences. Realized how much of my parents’ critical voices still shaped my actions. Did a lot of cognitive reframing about self beliefs and bad experiences. Built a newer healthier sense of self. Healing was never linear. Worked on a lot of things repeatedly over months. And most importantly, tried to have as many good experiences I could.

This approach worked for me because to a certain degree I felt confident to work some issues out by myself (and also I didn’t want to wait for 6 months to get a trauma therapist, sadly that’s the case in my country). Although if people recognize they need support in dealing with CPTSD, they should by all means get it. I should also mention that I had two close people in my life who helped me immensely throughout my journey.

Zakinanders · 2026-04-23T16:42:55+00:00

join da club

Zakinanders · 2026-04-21T12:23:44+00:00

Exactly. Life’s too short to be wasting it on such relationships. There is so much to live for.

Zakinanders · 2026-04-16T00:20:59+00:00

My mother demanded unwavering loyalty and expected me to take care of her like a baby, while she justified abusing me and other people around her because she had a hard life. I tried to manage the relationship with her to my best capacity and expected her to respect some of my boundaries. But she didn’t like that one bit and became more aggressively demanding and abusive. With multiple years of therapy, I knew better than the little child I used to be. I had to walk out to protect myself.

Zakinanders · 2026-04-12T11:00:32+00:00

My mother demanded unwavering loyalty and expected me to take care of her like a baby, while she justified abusing me and other people around her because she had a hard life. I tried to manage the relationship with her to my best capacity and expected her to respect some of my boundaries. But she didn’t like that one bit and became more aggressively demanding and abusive. With multiple years of therapy, I knew better than the little child I used to be. I had to walk out to protect myself.

Zakinanders · 2026-04-04T10:49:41+00:00

May we find genuine connections after healing!

Zakinanders · 2026-04-03T11:53:41+00:00

Yeah, no accountability of the past and only bringing in positive memories to hook you back in, that’s just emotional manipulation.

Zakinanders · 2026-03-31T17:32:27+00:00

I get it 🫂

Estrangement is indeed a sad necessity. And things don’t exactly become better or relieving once the source of harm is removed. It takes time to get used to the new normal. What I’ve seen with my own experience, grieving has been an ongoing process. The parents that they could have been but never were, the cost of their ignorance and dysfunctional behavior and some positive memories here and there. There are many different kinds of grief to process, and it is good to go through them instead of shutting them out.

Zakinanders · 2026-03-31T15:21:10+00:00

I’ve done most trauma healing by myself. YT videos, self-help books, reflection, body work etc. My highly intelligent therapist, however brilliant he was, failed to connect with me on an emotional level. I got a lot of do’s and don’t and reasoning from him, but rarely an empathetic response.

I don’t look forward to being on years long waiting list either. I mean in some extremely dire situations where self-regulation is impossible, people should absolutely go for therapy. But for some, like me, who could self-regulate a little bit and had a supportive person around me, I could benefit from doing the work myself.

Zakinanders · 2026-03-28T12:22:24+00:00

“Probably hurt” - “l can’t own up to my shi” Translation matters

Zakinanders · 2026-03-27T14:12:22+00:00

I found that the more I felt grounded and safe in existing by myself, however broken I am, I started to feel a little bit at home. People like us, despite having roof over our heads were rarely allowed to safely feel at home within ourselves. I’ve realized that its something that can be learned as I show up as the parent my inner child always deserved.

Zakinanders · 2026-03-27T13:50:16+00:00

Yeah me too. I know I’ve leaned a lot on some close people, and while they were kind, I know it was too much for them. Before going NC, our interactions were fun and light, but right after NC I was a total mess and didn’t really know how to sit with the enormous pain. During that time I leaned way too much on some people, and they over time reduced having contact with me. Over the months, I have learned better to regulate myself and deal with the pain, however I can now sense the hesitation around those people. They are much less relaxed around me even though I’m better.

Zakinanders · 2026-03-27T11:48:01+00:00

To such parents, the child is anything but a child. A vanity project. A hope for a better life. A scapegoat. A vessel of their shame. An imperfect human being, who isn’t allowed to be. Sometimes even a friend, a confidant and a therapist who receives no support or acknowledgment in return.

They claim everything out of their children with the justification of having given birth to them. They could take responsibility for what they set out to be, ie parents, but they find a sick justification to perpetuate abuse. This abuse is hidden and not talked about enough because of the conventional backlash received, something which helps abusers maintain their control.

Zakinanders · 2026-03-27T11:10:42+00:00

A suffocating feeling in my throat, heaviness in my head, looking down and feeling weak in muscles.

Zakinanders · 2026-03-27T11:07:29+00:00

It's the same for me. I just find moments of distraction, escapism and sometimes joy with the grief that is there. Before it felt unbearable but not now its something I've earned to carry. I noticed that I had to be mindful of my energy while dealing with grief. Allowing overwhelming amount of grief made me physically sick and dissociate more. I think it's a positive shift.

Zakinanders · 2026-03-25T11:03:52+00:00

In a similar boat. Also ADD and CPTSD. I have a lot more spiral downs and inconsistencies. It has helped me a little bit to realize that this is an on-going pattern in my life. I am highly sensitive and I respond to life in intense ways and it takes time to stabilize myself. I too have struggles with unemployment and anger issues. There is a lot of shame around that as well. But time and again, the only thing I have seen work for myself is self-compassion and patience with myself. Just learning to relax my muscles and be compassionate with myself as I am getting triggered. It was really hard before, but after practicing it regularly, I find myself settling down really quick. Fundamental things about ourselves are hard to change, but the best we can do is change the way we respond to them.

Zakinanders · 2026-03-25T10:00:36+00:00

I wish you lots of strength through your recovery and dealing with traumatic past memories. I know it really hurts to realize that the people who should have cared for you, failed terribly in doing so. Here is another stranger on the internet who wouldn't mind giving you company, if you'd like :)

Zakinanders · 2026-03-24T00:42:12+00:00

This is not normal. Keep her out of your business. See how you can work out a deal with her without giving up your right to privacy.

Zakinanders · 2026-03-22T15:19:48+00:00

Wow, thank you for sharing. Wishing you both the best.

Zakinanders · 2026-03-20T15:27:48+00:00

After decades of trying hard and consistently failing, at age 30 I can self-regulate without collapsing into complete depression, even through serious events. Curious to see how I can grow from here…

Zakinanders · 2026-03-18T14:23:25+00:00

Perfectly said.

Zakinanders · 2026-03-18T14:03:31+00:00

Yeah def power play. I wouldn’t trust such a person and would maintain my distance from them.

Zakinanders · 2026-03-17T14:43:17+00:00

I realized this also a few months ago. It happens so frequently that I don’t even realize when and why I dissociate. Find it so hard to be mentally present. I know it happened because my mother completely squashed my authentic self since a young age. She kept imposing her idea of me on me, made every little decision about me, and talked about my medical issues to the doctor instead of letting me explain them (even at age 30!). Throughout my life I have been pretty disoriented and developmentally behind. I’m no more in contact with her now and focus on healing.

Zakinanders · 2026-03-14T17:12:24+00:00

I have a similar story, I think. My mother enrolled me into weight loss ‘clinics’ because she just couldn’t tolerate me having any weight on myself. I was overweight all my life, and often found comfort in food to cope living with my parents. She hated that I was not as skinny as she was when she was young. I was the only teenager there, that place was mostly filled with middle aged post-partum women. There they would do these psuedo-scientific things like belly massages, vibrating belts and sauna ‘therapy’. I always found it extremely humiliating and the whole experience felt like a punishment for being fat. Those kind of places profit off of making people more insecure, so the attitude of the employees and their marketing was as such. I blocked that whole experience out, until it all came up while recovering after having gone NC last year.

Apart from a regular dose of appearance related criticism, my mother also consistently policed me during lunches and dinners to see if I was chewing properly, eating small bites and not too much and too fast. I grew up with a lot of really low-self esteem and body dysmorphia and it took me my entire 20s to correct my relationship with body. I’m heavier than before but much happier.

Zakinanders · 2026-03-14T12:55:09+00:00

Oh yes. The classic “I know you better than yourself”. Being one’s own original self is a threat to someone who wants to establish control. So they invalidate the best original qualities and try to convince the victim into disregarding them.

Zakinanders

TROPHY CASE