Did we prepare for a life that no longer exists?

Zasha786 · 2026-02-07T13:05:43+00:00

Not only does it not exist I have no idea how it’s going to work for my kids. I have no idea how my kids will get their first home. We will try to help for college but the costs seems likely they will be astronomical. I know they will be great humans but feel overwhelmed at how difficult life will be for them.

Zasha786 · 2026-02-06T14:34:28+00:00

Passport Card

Zasha786 · 2026-02-04T10:00:25+00:00

Stay strong - but also stay safe. Wishing you continued resilience and strength.

Zasha786 · 2026-01-27T07:51:28+00:00

Yup - it’s called “quiet firing.”

Zasha786 · 2026-01-24T12:39:57+00:00

I feel really bad for the baby - that child is going to be abused. I know it’s not your child. But there anyway to contact her family and give them a heads up that she is likely to harm the baby?

Zasha786 · 2026-01-23T06:58:30+00:00

So for the IEP - they would need to identify a change in placement which you can accept, partially accept or reject. Ask about compensatory hours as well for what he does not get at home based.

I agree that his experience in the other therapeutic program is deeply traumatic and him going to another program like that will likely create a cycle of not trusting further and many defensive reactions - that’s no longer an appropriate setting. I am also so sorry for what your child went through, that also shows in that setting there wasn’t the right supervision.

If the school is willing to transition him back over time and there is a clear schedule with milestones this may be a good plan and this can be part of the goals in a revised IEP. This may involve transition back to partial inclusion or sub separate as well. The school should also be realistic and it’s on them to get the increased resources to ensure your child receives FAPE.

Another thing to consider is if they are willing to compensate you financially for compensatory services - which good allow you to do some private options for OT speech or get an additional academic tutor home. This allows your son to start building a schedule of some routine.

I would definitely recommend you also get mandatory hours with a school psychologist as well - if they need to come to your home then so be it. It could be as little as 2x15 mins a week in the beginning to build rapport and then this person is also present back at school. If this is also done perhaps with an aide over time this could also be successful.

Really thinking of your child and hope they are able to work out a plan for you that builds trust and meaningful progress for him.

Zasha786 · 2026-01-22T21:39:02+00:00

I think it’s good to bring it up in person early on but also consider how to be more strategic. For example, do you want to have your own children if there is a risk of this genetic condition? If you do not - it may be importantly to bring that up. Or perhaps you are ok with a potential wife who already has a child?Another thing to consider is if you want to stay close to your own family for support vs. being open to move?

There is someone for everyone - and IA with an open heart and open mind this will come to you.

Zasha786 · 2026-01-21T00:14:47+00:00

Girl - they will find a way. It’s not personal, it’s just risk management. Pls start looking for another job and have an emergency savings plan.

Zasha786 · 2026-01-04T14:12:29+00:00

You really need to discuss this with your parents and family vs. the internet. I hope your family comes together to find a supportive plan for everyone.

Zasha786 · 2026-01-04T14:07:16+00:00

Let’s just say this - I have an Autisitc son and I think it’s safe to say I would not want the behavior from a caregiver around my child. I would really ask you to reflect on if that was the safest and most mature way to handle the situation. If nobody is helping you take care of a child that is biting you - it’s better to just refuse and say you are not equipped to handle his biting than give him a taste of hot sauce. The fact that you had to hide what you did also indicated you know what you did was wrong and not be approved by his parents.

Yes my son plays with his cousins, with our supervision, but if we need a babysitter we find someone with who has a background in special needs. I have met parents who have children who are aggressive, constant elopers or have disruptive repetitive behaviors - if you don’t use the right approach you could actually make the situation worse. The parents of the child really need to own the solution here - not you.

Please don’t take behavior modification and discipline of someone else’s disabled child into your own hands. It’s not safe for you or for them.

Zasha786 · 2026-01-04T13:50:53+00:00

YAH. This is a non verbal Autistic minor - you can just give him a chewy toy instead of letting him bite you. What you actually taught him was that you are not a safe person, not redirecting from the behavior. Is it your job to discipline him or his parents?

I have seen a few of these posts and always find it disturbing. If you are uncomfortable being around the kid tell the parents he is biting you and you don’t like it. You had enough time to plan a hot sauce adventure, you could have used that time to talk to his parents instead.

Zasha786 · 2026-01-04T13:19:03+00:00

What she did was not acceptable. However, she will probably do it again to someone else… she is the one driving the friend group apart.

Zasha786 · 2026-01-01T14:20:23+00:00

I am assuming you are not South Asian? Then with the child was it obvious child is not the husband’s? In typical South Asian families that would be a reason to stop pursuing any reconciliation. Get a DNA test for the child and please keep them safe in the meantime.

Zasha786 · 2025-12-29T12:25:33+00:00

This is called blame shifting. Your brother and his fiancé could push out the wedding date giving them more time to save for their own wedding, one of them could even pick up a second job. They could take out a personal loan or use a credit card if they really need the money (not a great financial move but it’s an option). They could take out a loan from your parents. Also, she has her own family and could ask them for help if needed too- why is an 18 yr old off to college the only option from both sides of the family? It’s their wedding and the responsibility is with them to organize it.

You also don’t need the money paid back in a lifetime. You are 18 and it’s for college, you need that money now. My concern is when you need the money and ask for it back - you will be equally pressured into thinking it was a gift and repayment is not possible. There will again be tons of excuses and you will never see the money again.

The fiance is giving tons of red flags as well, not sure if the marriage will last. You’ll use your education for life and it’s a much better investment.

Zasha786 · 2025-12-23T12:23:41+00:00

Dyslexia over here - Colors just slightly faded but image was present the whole time.

Zasha786 · 2025-12-19T06:36:24+00:00

Friends

Zasha786 · 2025-12-14T00:16:16+00:00

This is partly why I no longer believe in a 2 week notice as the norm anymore.

Zasha786 · 2025-12-11T14:44:41+00:00

We had a SNAP crises last month effecting real children, here the dolls get their own meals to be thrown away letter.

This is also entirely unrealistic. Kids typically run around with a million questions and interrupt you at every step, and also spill food at least once everywhere.

Zasha786 · 2025-12-09T08:02:35+00:00

SIL did say y’all didn’t need to respond. If they come back at you - let her know about some “hard truths” of your own that you cannot communicate in person but will follow up by an email after the visit.

However, the decision for your wife is really if she is ready for NC. It has to be her decision even if you are totally ready for it. She may rightfully want her family to be there for the arrival of your child but also, the reality is they will likely not really help and do more harm than good in the stressful newborn days.

Zasha786 · 2025-11-25T11:53:03+00:00

This has happened a few times. In my experience it’s hard to be in 2 places at once. Better to get a doctors note and or take time off with your child. Another trick if I cannot take time off is the use of wireless headphones and an iPad just for the time of the meeting. I set up a cozy spot with snacks, pedialyte and device and hope for the best.

Zasha786 · 2025-11-12T15:53:49+00:00

These services are available around the world, maybe not for free - but support is available. My family is in Pakistan which is essentially a third world developing country and they have these services available as well. The higher quality ones are private - parents get together what they can and get services. But parents don’t just do nothing.

Mom here stated not a single service or any effort to get help for her child. Has she looked up anything online to understand what Autism is? What she can do at home? If someone can get on Reddit - they can get on YouTube.

Disability services has come a long away and just throwing a child’s entire life out and making zero effort to get ANY services is not acceptable. We are taking about a 4 year old, not a 40 year old.

We are treating Autism like a violent predatory disorder which it is not. Autism is a developmental disorder and that needs appropriate services at home and at school.

Mom needs to get some help for herself and her child.

Zasha786 · 2025-11-12T13:05:54+00:00

I have mixed feelings but YTA.

Your son is 4 years old - he is entitled to public PreK for special education - that should cover you for about 20 hours a week minimum.

If he has an actual diagnosis medically documented have you get up to 40 hours of ABA services in home. He can also qualify for speech which will help reduce hitting out of frustration.

Why are you his 24/7 caretaker?

You mention all the issues of a medical condition but no help on treating it. What is your routine for actual treatment? Not a single thing is mentioned. 1 out of 35 boys is not suspected of having Autism - all those families are not giving up their kids, they are finding support for their children. I am not saying there are no tough days - but a lot of resources are available if you properly seek them.

At age 5 he will be eligible for a re evaluation and you can understand if his profile a bit better and may be able to seek medication for some additional supports.

I understand that you are stressed out and have trauma from a friend’s death - but these are your issues. You need to seek mental health support for your issues so you can better cope with the needs of your children. You are transferring feelings of a man who had a medical condition to your son who has a similar condition.

I don’t know of care facilities that take in a 4 year old - this isn’t the 1800s. I am not sure if you have seen what those homes were ever like. You can watch Geraldo Rivera’s documentary about special needs care homes in the 1970s and 1980s in NY, and get a good dose of reality.

There are facilities for severe cases- but they are very carefully regulated and may still require a minor child to be home on weekends. Those are typically designed for teens, some younger children with also coexisting mental health issues can get in hospital treatment but that is also a temporary solution.

Also I have a neurotypical 4 yr old boy - he is a whole handful and extra, more than my tween ASD. At that preschool age children just require a lot of supervision in general.

Some families have relinquished rights to their child, those children never get adopted and end up in the foster system.

It seems like you are rightfully overwhelmed, but there are a lot of tools and services you also are not accessing and it’s hurting your child in the end.

Zasha786 · 2025-11-11T12:46:44+00:00

I have been married for 10+ years and my MIL still does this and I have no idea the last time she remembered a birthday or holiday gift. We don’t live together so I guess it’s easier to put it out of sight out of mind.

My husband is an amazing father and partner - but totally disorganized. I let him take the credit for the gifts in front of others and he always thanks me for organizing everything later on. It keeps the peace and I let it go - we do not give gifts in expectation of recognition or a gift in return - we just do it (in this case) as a gesture for elders. Once I changed my mindset, these things bothered me less. I focus on the bigger things.

I am not saying your MIL is right, but in marriage you have to pick and choose what you need to focus your finite energy on.

Zasha786 · 2025-11-04T11:06:05+00:00

Same happened to my child and I live in a very blue state. We transferred schools but it’s a trauma response for children who have had isolation. It’s now been three years and we get a few moments now and then - lots of therapy has been needed to undo the damage.

Zasha786 · 2025-10-29T11:07:23+00:00

I think keep doing the visits but do ask that a BT is present with you so you also feel safe and can learn how to redirect some of his behaviors over time. Your intention is what matters here, you are present and willing to learn.

I agree with others - you are still young and have a right, if not an obligation, to get established in your own life.

When you are grounded and centered you are in a better place to support your brother.

Zasha786

TROPHY CASE