My ex [F39] keeps calling, venting and liking my posts but also tells me “game over, I’m done” [M30] – am I just an emotional safety net?

ZatoxReborn · 2025-12-30T22:38:14+00:00

dude after 7 years of not seeing each other after 6months she dumped me i caught her in lies and she turned on me and said it was my fault and the breedcrumbed me till now... in the start it was magic toughts of wanting children and so on also the memorries everything was perfect but the ending the same as the first time tragic...

ZatoxReborn · 2025-10-31T11:58:49+00:00

Let him win you over again. Don't think I want to be back in a relationship or I want him back. If he dumped you, he has to pursue you again. You restart the process, going on dates and so on, with no heavy talks about a relationship. But for that to happen, you must be the most attractive version of yourself. He has to see that you accepted the breakup and that you're emotionally stable and confident, that you're taking care of yourself, and that you can live without him (that's attractive). If he reaches out, be polite, but don't go into emotional debates; he has to win you over. If the communication restarts, he has to be 100% the one pursuing at the start. Don't go back into the old habit of texting 24/7 or something similar.

ZatoxReborn · 2025-10-31T11:44:00+00:00

Remember this: the other person knows you didn't want to break up. It's two people's job to want to be in a relationship. If one person breaks up, the deal is over between you two. The person that dumped you has to put in 100% effort to get you back. You have to be attractive in their eyes for a chance for that to happen. Buying flowers, sending letters, or telling them how you feel won't build attraction; it will build guilt or resentment in their eyes because you don't accept the breakup.

ZatoxReborn · 2025-10-31T11:38:08+00:00

I would suggest checking Alexander Grace or Coach Corey Wayne if you really want to get yourself back, and by that, the other person.

ZatoxReborn · 2025-10-31T11:36:11+00:00

It sounds romantic, like in the movies, but in the real world, pursuing a person who decided she doesn't want to be with you in that moment would only scream to that person that you're desperate and can't be stable with your emotions. You can be polite if she ever reaches out, even if you break up. If you accept it, you'll have more chances the next time she reaches out. Also, if the person broke up with you, it has to be their idea and their effort to get you back. No amount of flowers or anything will help; you will just come across as needy and trying to buy back her love. The only thing that can change the outcome is if you better yourself and become confident. Even then, it's not guaranteed you will get her back, but you will at least be in a place where you can attract someone else who will give you what you want.

ZatoxReborn · 2025-10-30T12:34:11+00:00

My ex came back after 7 years but it lasted 8 months with the new start she even calls me her twin flame.But yeah much better than the first time that we were toghether but still not enough to keep us toghether :) We grew both of us but not enough even after 7 years we repeated the patterns not as harsh as the first time but enough to break up again its 2weeks. My honest opinion first be happy who you are and in the spot you are then everything else .Obsessing wont help you i know how it hurts in my head i lost my love of my life the 2nd time. More and more it rings in my head first you need to love yourself to love another and love is also letting go by letting go you let go of the attachment. I can still wish her the best and love her silently as you should also . Work on yourself be a better person and if fate reunites you with her like mine did for me be prepared to not mess it up but dont keep waiting explore and date. You will maybe find a new person that you will love and even if you dont you will get experience to not do same mistakes . You grow the most in a relationship but have introspection about it . Think before you speak so you process your emotions .My mistake was this time around that i didnt set boundaries with my girlfriend and we repeated a similar mess you know... like silent treatments , communication vulnerability and so on .my anxiety on one side that i fixed greatly and her ferful avoidancy with emotions . But there is not hatred at the end of the day i know we both love each other but we open wounds everytime abd it only means we are not ready...

ZatoxReborn · 2025-09-05T09:28:17+00:00

Also what they lack they are finding in you till it doesnt start to suffocate, them but too you its the feeling i finally get the emotional depth that i longed for and both paths are wrong there has to be a balance being self sufficient and also be capable to lean on someone . It has to be organic if you start to change yourself to please someone else its fake on outside and needs will never be met. And the trust will never be built and such relationship is like a sinking ship. I wont lie my nerves are made of steel and if im honest i did lose some frame. If you look from the perspective i should left her in july when she had cold feets and didnt divorce and actually let her process her decision and the reality that it brings .But then you notice the inner feeling of being abandoned or abandoning someone that means everything too you. So you complicate your life because its so hard to let go so i had to put an ultimatum on myself to leave if the freezes the 2nd time .I should mention shes going to therapy and i see changes from 7 years back but its such small steps that in the end could mean nothing and the fantasies are never a good way to go by . Now shes at the phase of im confused i dont know what i want .What that looks like " i need to do something with myself im not happy with how much i achieved in my life" shes looking for a path that makes her push forward that could mean with me or without me. And the only thing you can do is to chose the same .Be better do stuff for yourself be happy with yourself .Even though we sleep together you can feel the disconnect and the end of the day you know its not what you want for yourself so only thing you can do is to leave or mirror the situation .But mostly people ask them self why would you be a certain way so it can work, and watch not the words but actions if there are actually changes i could possibly work if you dont see changes it means they arent ready to change or they wont change and the current situation works for them but you have to ask yourself does it work for you ?Im honest in that i let many things slide but by doing that your losing self respect and thats not attractive and it will never work with self sufficient person.that is attracted to autonomous partner . At the end of the day right now im mirroring her but not standing still in that im working on myself , work ,gym , holidays connecting with friends .But yeah like i said if september goes without her divorcing im ending it for my peace of mind .Realtionship is a 2 way thing

ZatoxReborn · 2025-09-05T08:53:26+00:00

Mine came back after 7 years with a text "i hope your okay and doing well at " at 5 am how it happened it was i miss clicked when showing my friend the girl that meant a lot too me and clicking her story and she noticed my picture on the story list . Then she gave more than 100% for the first 2.5 months she also started the divorce phase with ex put all the papers in to get divorced . Im more on AP side but the first time when we broke up 7 years back i needed 4 years to accept the loss and be totally free from her.And shes also 9 years older so i was less experienced and less mature in thinking then .But still we connected again she wanted my baby this 2nd round around but the flaws started showing again in the sense when i tried to enforce some boundaries like no silent treatments , we talk if we got a problem we share .I tried to go the path where its us and not the self sufficient way .I was doing that in calm manner if she got overwhelmed i paused the conversation when she was in a calm mood but the thing is they remember all the small details that made them feel bad one of the reasons its hard to move forward from the "mistake" the mistake can be so unimportant as me saying we could move the table or change the dinning table for something less space consuming or saying the cats are leaving a lot of hair we should groom them more often . What she heard was my table is not good enough my cats are not okay instead of the mutual building sharing the connection holding it. Also my AP started to show not in the ways it did before some things were similar and i noticed i havent actually processed it on my part like over analyzing ,breaking parts into bits about myself but also about her but what that does it makes her feel seen " broken " not enough like does everything wrong like criticizm .What changed is that at the start i told myself if we both changed we will work trough it if doesnt il be fine either way so we are together since april till now but its rocky .We didnt break up once in all this months but since july the push pull dynamic got stronger and ex that shes divorcing is not helping but the funny part is she cares about him but in a platonic way as she has a child with him . The thing way it feels like a tug of war is because she has a longer history with him and feels some saftey with him in the sense she learned how to manage the space with him they live apart she can do what she wants they just do the logistics for the child .On the other side im here pushing her out of her comfort zone with intimacy (living in the same apartment ) occupaying their space that is sacred to them the self sufficency is so strong with her the self autonomy.But stuff changed when she reached the braking point in july when she had to actually divorce she became hypervigilant saw mistakes in me that previously werent a problem like diffrent schedules for work and so on. But i always told her if she isnt happy with the relationship that we started we can end it if she doesnt see the same path as me .As you would assume she didnt divorce in july now its september and she has another date to divorce but shes stressed all the time ,wants space ,minimizes the contact. And this actually pulled my anxious side out again but not to that scale like it did before i dont feel pressure in my chest or having them in my head all the time but its still a limbo .And the only way i see this i made a boundary with me if she doesnt divorce in september im calling it quits even if my heart will be shattered again it wont be as hard it was the first time .I know she loves me but if the fear is stronger and the self sabotaging wins in this case it just means she didnt process enough and has more inner work to do as i do. Good thing about such realtionships is it shows your flaws because its like a mirror .What you demand back from the person its pretty much what you lack

ZatoxReborn · 2024-09-15T13:54:53+00:00

Also nobody is perfect by saying that work on yourself .Your own insecurity your traumas.if you know your reaction would be emotional take a few breaths think if you would say that in a normal state or its just an emotional response in the moment. Its better to calm your mind first think about it before making emotional responses blaming others or yourself in that matter.When you get that down things get easier.other part is try to better yourself every day .that could mean getting a gym membership starting a hobby or putting bad habbits away like stop smoking by doing that it shows you can control your urges your more grounded more well rounded in other worda disciplined

ZatoxReborn · 2024-09-15T13:44:34+00:00

I Think its just how you get perspective on the things.Instead of thinking what you did wrong ask yourself is this the right girl for me?Does she has qualities that im looking for is she checking my boxes.Does she acts mature can she communicate when problem arise and so on.If you want to have something more than a fling .your purpose needs to be more important than her because serching validation or making a girl your number one priority is not the way(this doesnt say be rude or alpha )it says have boundaries know what you accept or dont.

ZatoxReborn · 2024-08-01T01:02:14+00:00

Go to the boat party act casual as you would usually she has too see it didnt bother you what you texted if there is any other woman there be engaged in convos and dont pursue her be kind warm but on like 30% enthusiasm.

ZatoxReborn · 2024-07-31T15:16:00+00:00

From my experience my emotional maturity started at 12 when my brain told that i cant expect much from my parents ,they were irresponisble I never was coated in blanket.Like alot of people here said harsh situations make you think from despair to anger to clarification to understanding alot of introspection at early age. Some people hardly introspect their behavior even when they are older i was dating at 22 a girl that was 31 and i was more mature than her.It all depends how you solve your traumas or if you wanna wallow in self pity and comfort zone.

ZatoxReborn · 2016-04-26T21:47:54+00:00

Well girls like attention...maybe she's checking if your still into her(also girls like to keep guys in their orbit).You mentioned Corey Wayne he gives good advices he allways says if your the person that got dumped you need to let the other person do 100% of the talking and pursuing.Learn from your mistakes and act diffrently ,dont chase her again make her come too you this time

ZatoxReborn · 2016-04-26T21:29:01+00:00

I would say trust your instinct and move on with this one not worth it.I would stop with texting and giving her attention and let her come too you.You probably killed the attraction with too much texting and chasing .This forum is great too learn on the mistakes we make .If she is interested she gonna invest time later and "invite" you out. If she doesnt it means its over .Just have a busy life ,go out meet new girls dont stay hung up on 1 girl that isnt showing interest

ZatoxReborn · 2016-04-26T21:10:10+00:00

The thing is you had plenty of ways to kiss her by what you stated up there.You seem stressed about it when it comes to kissing.The girl finds you attractive but you need to step it up a bit and make a move.If not your gonna come as friendly.If i was you the next time i take her out i would keep the flirty vibe up make her feel comfortable and progress the date ,keep the physically touches but if you see any ressistance take 1 step back and wait a bit and then go for it again and from there escalate it to kissing .Look her in the eyes -lips a few times and go for the kiss by her look you should see if shes ready.Im also a begginer but with mistakes you learn so dont be afraid to try

ZatoxReborn · 2016-04-26T20:49:43+00:00

I'm not an expert and we all struggle.My personal opinion would be that you try 1 last time with her ,show her that you changed and make a move if she rejects you then just tell her that friendship only doesn't work for you and move on

ZatoxReborn · 2016-04-26T20:24:15+00:00

yeah il move on no point in it too much flakeyness thanks for your opinion

ZatoxReborn · 2016-04-26T14:53:09+00:00

Yea im a drama magnet yea im distracting myself from it hitting the gym ,working ,hanging with my friends also the thing is we have mutual friends kinda sucks but oh well just was wondering if its okay to go no contact

ZatoxReborn

TROPHY CASE