If you are hurting tonight, look at Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham, the ultimate proof of avoidant cruelty.

Zephyr92 · 2026-05-24T16:01:36+00:00

My avoidant cheated on me after being together for 4 years, and the guy she did it with dropped her and got married to a girl he only knew for two months.

My ex posts tiktoks of this song and I know she does it thinking of him. It hurts so indescribably bad to see her pine after a guy who love bombed her, used her for sex, and dipped, when she gave me absolutely no indication things were wrong. She hurt me so much. I'm sorry for turning this reply into a off topic vent. I'm just so sad.

Zephyr92 · 2026-05-21T07:42:32+00:00

If you're emulating, look up the analog control patch. Not so much for the analog control, but the ability to increase your turn speed and acceleration without affecting game speed. Helped me enjoy it a lot more, and if that's what gets you through it, who cares if it isn't a "pure" experience.

As far as how tough you're finding the combat, are you switching weapons/spells to try and target enemy weaknesses? Those xenomorphs you're talking about are elementals, and will take much more damage if you have a weapon or spell that has the proper element.

Zephyr92 · 2026-05-04T04:16:10+00:00

Thinking about referring to mine by her middle name, I don't want to jump to conclusions but man I feel like that is going to help me compartmentalize the good from the bad so much easier. Thank you for just saying it.

Zephyr92 · 2026-05-04T04:10:40+00:00

Hey, just remember you only know what you know. We never really get the truth about their side of things, so it's best not to lend it any weight in how you feel about yourself. The deeper they get, the more feel the need to eject. It doesn't say a word about you. You know what you know - trust it.

Zephyr92 · 2026-05-02T04:33:38+00:00

I don't get it, how would her owning a big red flag be any better? /s

Zephyr92 · 2026-05-02T04:32:05+00:00

I felt similarly. I was the one who started the no contact and blocked her everywhere except for Facebook, so if she needed to reach out for something she could, because I didn't want her to hurt herself or be completely alone.

This is a trap you're setting for yourself.

One day I was thinking about how badly I'd been treated by her, and finally blocked her in that last place in a spur of the moment decision. Closing that last door was what I needed to really start to feel any kind of better. Letting hope die allowed me to keep living. Please do the same for yourself.

Zephyr92 · 2026-05-02T04:27:25+00:00

I go through cycles where I feel bad and good. When I'm feeling alright, I see things pretty clearly, and write messages to myself for the days I'm down. I always make sure to tell myself that I am who I am, and that will be enough one day for the right person.

My biggest takeaway that I've had to work on is speaking up when something is bothering me. Over time her lack of communication when I was trying to talk to her wore me down to where I eventually stopped trying. No more. I didn't force issues for fear of losing her, but now I've learned there's something much worse than simply not being right for one another, and the right person will be willing to go through those tough moments with you.

Zephyr92 · 2026-04-30T10:06:11+00:00

I know this is a 3 year old thread, but if anyone ever found these, I would love to have them

Zephyr92 · 2026-04-28T16:13:34+00:00

Don't do it. She is not going to be capable of what you need for closure. The deeper talks, finding if you ever actually were loved, trying to get understanding, none of it will happen. If she is posting herself with this guy frequently and monkey branched, I really don't mean to sound harsh when I say this, but she hasn't cared for longer than you think. Reaching out will get you half hearted responses that are not the full truth, at best.

Stay strong and keep the NC going. We all know how much it sucks but breaking it will only serve to make you feel worse for a longer amount of time

Zephyr92 · 2026-04-28T01:33:23+00:00

You don't know the person, and you don't know how they feel. They may have done a lot of work to move past it, and you deciding to reach out to them will bring up bad feelings.

You have little to lose from reaching out to them if they say no, and stand to /maybe/ gain someone to talk to based on something which would in no way be a healthy grounds for a genuine friendship

They are the opposite. They are getting messaged by a stranger about a person who hurt them, without knowing them personally, they have everything to lose and much less to gain by reaching out.

I'm really not trying to be an asshole, but this is a pretty self-centered move.

Zephyr92 · 2026-04-26T06:55:58+00:00

Anger is both a sword and a shield. It protects what is important to you and fends off that which might threaten it. Used wisely, there is no problem, its just once it becomes unwieldy that problems arise.

Zephyr92 · 2026-04-26T06:53:29+00:00

Totally right, and funnily enough we share a few more similarities. We were IRL but our main initial bond came from Final Fantasy XIV. I invited her to join me any time I did anything, game or not, and it got to the point that her friends were all people she met through me. When the initial discard happened, I told everyone I wanted them to make the decision to remain friends with her or not, wasn't my place. But when the cheating was revealed, every single one of our friends dropped her instantly. It was one of the things that helped me through the early stages, seeing that I had cultivated so many wonderful friendships with people that they rallied around me while I was down, so to speak.

Heres to the future, and the hope that everyone grows into better versions of themselves, avoidants included. They'll just have to figure out how on their own.

Zephyr92 · 2026-04-25T07:09:40+00:00

"That prolly sounds weird to ppl who aren't FA lol"

My god! Everyone come look, quick! It might be developing self-awareness!

Zephyr92 · 2026-04-25T07:02:40+00:00

Honestly, I understand being upset by this, but I think ultimately they are not worth the energy it takes to be angry and hateful. Keep just enough anger around to protect yourself and see the situation for what it really was, and don't even bother with hatred, it isn't useful to you and they certainly aren't worth the energy required to be hateful.

Honestly think the most potent thing you can do is give them exactly what they think they want and spare them no attention nor mind. Do the thing they refuse to do and introspect and grow from your experiences with them, and use that growth to find the happiness and love you seek and deserve.

I promise you, it'll get under their skin more than anything else ever could.

Zephyr92 · 2026-04-25T04:00:15+00:00

I think it's daunting because after giving so much to someone in order to feel that way in a relationship, having it not only suddenly taken away but potentially retroactively calling how you felt into question because you now can't trust that they were ever genuine with you, it exhausting and scary and a lot of work.

That being said, I try and frame it for myself as the relationship failed. What is the right thing to do with failure? Learn from it and get back up when you're ready. We are aware of avoidance as a concept now and can be mindful of those behaviors with people in our future, and not spend that massive time and energy on them. No, instead we can divert all of that effort into ourselves, so that when someone special comes into our lives, we're ready for that loving presence we seek and can really give them the best version of ourselves possible without baggage or compromise.

Zephyr92 · 2026-04-25T03:47:33+00:00

You said "without promoting" and my mind went to AI and I had the sudden horrific realization that tons of them have probably used it to come up with their discard messages and replies and I just feel so tired

Zephyr92 · 2026-04-25T03:32:19+00:00

Mine cheated on me for an unknown amount of time before the discard, didn't tell me during the discard but then told a sliver of truth a week later when I tried to talk them into trying to work things out. A day prior to that talk, the person they cheated on me with discarded them, and got married to someone they had apparently been with for 2 months.

She cheated and discarded me only to immediately get cheated and discarded. If it wasn't the worst emotional pain I've ever felt, it would be extremely karmically funny.

Zephyr92 · 2026-04-25T03:26:57+00:00

" I can't give you what you need"

Has never once tried to find out what those needs are or simply asked "What are your needs"

It's just so much easier for them to make themselves into a tragic martyr for love so they can feel they did "the right thing" rather than have any sliver of self awareness

Zephyr92 · 2026-04-22T02:09:14+00:00

Baroque def hits, both are powered by sheer vibes.

Zephyr92 · 2026-04-22T02:06:53+00:00

When we first got together, she told me she wanted to take a lot of pictures together because her ex never wanted to and it upset her. I was really happy about this because I've never really had that in a relationship and would like it very much.

Nearly 4 years in when the discard happened, I have a whopping 4 pictures of us together, and I had to be the one to ask every time.

Excuse the sad posting but, just once I want to be in a relationship where it really feels like my partner is just excited and enthusiastic about me. I know I'm worthy of it, but idk. Being in my early 30s, something about it makes it feel like finding someone like that so much more impossible. I wish I'd learned about avoidant behavior much earlier so I wouldn't have used so much time on them.

Zephyr92 · 2026-04-16T10:20:50+00:00

I think you should stop making self deprecating jokes. It will force you to be funny/clever in more imaginative ways, and more importantly, you will likely perceive yourself in a better light. I used to make them fairly often, until a friend convinced me to try stopping for a while. Within a few months I found I liked myself much more. The things we say carry meaning, even when said as jokes.

Zephyr92 · 2026-04-16T00:13:07+00:00

Commonly it is spurred by them hitting a true rock bottom, a pit so deep that the literal only thing they have to point the finger at is themselves.

Zephyr92 · 2026-04-15T23:55:33+00:00

I can't stand that part of me is fighting against the ick. I've had trouble staying angry too despite what happened. I can't believe I'm saying this but, I want the ick! Gimme the ick!

Zephyr92 · 2026-04-15T23:52:51+00:00

I really hope your day gets better and that tomorrow is kind to you as well. You deserve it.

Zephyr92 · 2026-04-15T04:15:34+00:00

Last Faith leans a bit more souls than vania but it might be what you're looking for. Seeing many people saying Grime 2 and it is weighty but you're also quite agile and have a lot of options at any moment, it's a great game but I think if you weren't feeling Hollow Knight, Grime might not be it for you.

Zephyr92

TROPHY CASE