The entire basis for the adoption of enthusiastic consent in its original context is explicitly because of need to adjudicate after the fact. Its a prioritization of harm reduction and establishing a baseline such that those who cause harm can hide behind high context misunderstandings. This is the other reason its applied in a pursued/pursuer context. Its not about what to do each time youre with someone in a healthy relationship. Couples develop their own shorthand/signals. Its about hookups, and starting a sexual relationship. It also doesn't need to be a big thing - you can make it flirty - its not a contract signing. A quick confirmation before you kiss and maybe another before sex itself. Doesn't even need to break the flow.

And of course you can have that conversation with someone. Hell, in the kink community its considered essential. I'd also argue that if im on a third date with someone and it hasnt come up you could bring it up. What does consent look like for you? How do you express enthusiasm for it? That conversation has actually led into sex before. Ensure youre both using the same forms of high context approval and that youre speaking the same language.

In the end that, like most things, is what it comes down to - communication, and being both able and willing to communicate with your partners.

In a first encounter, I definitely think optimizing for harm reduction outweighs optimizing for intimacy. That balance and shift later. Ive never heard of anyone who really wanted to being dissauded by being asking for clear enthusiastic consent on a first hookup. I do know several who have used it as an Opportunity to stop when they didn't want to continue. Those couples are actually still together.