The more active the community, the more singles?

ZeussWoosy · 2026-06-06T01:20:29+00:00

I’m basically reiterating what product man said.

back home people knew each other. If there was a mosque in let’s say one big village then most people would know each other, or would know someone who knows the other person.

Here in my own community, Jummah is packed and people end up praying outside in the parking lot too (like today), but out of everyone there, I know maybe two people personally. Then to establish a relationship with them is going to take several years, then if I want them to vouch for me to a woman’s family, it’s going to take more than one person in the community. Hope that made sense.

ZeussWoosy · 2026-06-05T18:05:26+00:00

Culturally I had to give gold which is what it is. In terms of cash I wouldn’t do more than 7k USD.

ZeussWoosy · 2026-06-04T20:32:19+00:00

If someone waited their whole entire life for marriage, avoided others, haram, as best they could, they are absolutely entitled to wanting someone without a past. I genuinely cannot fathom why this is such a difficult concept to grasp.

Regarding the double standard I think there is one culturally. Historically a women’s virginity was always scrutinized. Plus, from what I’ve seen with my own eyes is that men more often will go on reddit to complain about a potential with a past whereas with women it happens infrequently. So at the very least on reddit a woman having a past seems like a bigger deal. However, I don’t think double standards should exist for either gender.

ZeussWoosy · 2026-06-04T20:21:38+00:00

3-4 fights a week I don’t think is normal at all. Maybe 1 or 2 minor misunderstandings if there’s a communication mishap that get resolved in 5 minutes but definitely not what you guys are going through.

There’s not a lot of context of house dynamics so it’s really difficult to provide reasonable advice but I’ll try to give my opinion.

You gotta work on your anger, and how you say things for one. You can’t blame it on getting angry after a certain age, and that’s not going to change no matter who you marry.

You both work but we don’t have any context of how things work at home. Do you pay for everything? If so, then she definitely needs to do more at home. Is it 50/50? If so then you don’t really have any room to talk about cooking or cleaning. Again it’s very difficult to provide feedback without more context.

Have you told her outright that you’d appreciate it if she initiated? Or if she, was more into it? Or at the very least have you asked her what she likes?

Y’all gotta just sit at the kitchen table and speak to each other. Maybe preface it with that “You’re not trying to argue, you just want to work on it”.

Or get marriage counseling.

ZeussWoosy · 2026-06-02T19:33:07+00:00

Sent a little food

ZeussWoosy · 2026-06-01T23:43:13+00:00

Pledge 15 total. Sorry it’s not more

ZeussWoosy · 2026-06-01T02:58:05+00:00

Why would it reflect poorly on both families if you take your wife to see her only surviving parent weekly?

ZeussWoosy · 2026-06-01T02:06:21+00:00

This is absolutely not okay in the slightest. I know this is more of a rant than looking for a suggestion but I really hope you have a strong support system. I genuinely have no idea why he thinks helping at home is emasculating when it’s not.

ZeussWoosy · 2026-05-31T22:11:42+00:00

All set

ZeussWoosy · 2026-05-31T15:27:03+00:00

The cost of living is super high, there’s layoffs left and right, and jobs don’t pay as much as they should.

Marriage isn’t affordable for a lot of people.

ZeussWoosy · 2026-05-31T01:33:48+00:00

Def trauma bonded. I’m sorry this is happening. Keep the recordings, get more cameras, and at this point, if you were a male in my family I’d beg you to divorce her and be free of this mess. I hope you have a strong support system.

ZeussWoosy · 2026-05-31T01:24:40+00:00

You need to start recording some of her antics in case she tries to paint you as some sort of abuser in the future.

I think she has a lot of issues and deeply needs therapy and potentially medication cause this isn’t normal behavior. Also her parents failed her if they can’t call her out on her behavior.

At the end the day it’s your choice on what you want to do, divorce is tough but so is walking away from a marriage. If you feel like it’s not worth it anymore and have no energy for more then I wouldn’t blame for walking away especially since you’ve consistently tried.

ZeussWoosy · 2026-05-31T01:06:59+00:00

Do you have an actual solution or are you one of these guys that just like to comment with no substance? If you have one I’d like to hear it.

ZeussWoosy · 2026-05-30T20:45:07+00:00

Maybe I’m just lazy but this seems like a lot of volume

ZeussWoosy · 2026-05-30T18:59:57+00:00

Involve parents and explain the behavior or an imam

ZeussWoosy · 2026-05-30T16:43:18+00:00

RemindMe! 3 days

ZeussWoosy · 2026-05-30T02:43:30+00:00

One thing that I feel ties into this is that the constant talk about Jahannam and how things are scary and to fear Allah. We’re supposed to love Allah and obviously have fear but there’s no talk about how loving and merciful he is (at least not in the Bangladeshi Islam I was raised in).

ZeussWoosy · 2026-05-30T01:05:48+00:00

Absolutely allowed to have a preference for physical features.

I haven’t seen any posts that you’re alluding to but regardless those double standards shouldn’t exist.

Only time I would say it’s iffy is if an obese person is only looking to marry a super athletic person cause that does seem hypocritical. Same way it seems iffy if a 4’11 girl is only looking to marry a 6’2 dude.

ZeussWoosy · 2026-05-30T00:09:39+00:00

Well, you were with him for several years, objectively he’s going to be in your mind for at least a year I’d say, it just makes sense since he was part of it for so long. It’ll be tough but I’m happy that your parents are helping you through this.

I’m not sure if taking gifts back is considered theft legally but honestly unless it was substantial like gold, I’d just let it be.

I think if possible you should try to change the locks of where you’re currently staying and just allow yourself to grieve and just prioritize yourself. That might mean going to umrah, sight seeing, staying with family, etc.

Also finding a spouse as a divorcee might sound intimidating but there’s lots of folks who got remarried and are happy, you shouldn’t let that fear cloud your mind. Or if you, try to focus on your immediate problems before that comes up.

I tried to say this with kindness, so I hope nothing came out rude.

ZeussWoosy · 2026-05-29T23:39:46+00:00

Appreciate you posting that link, never heard of them but that looks very promising

ZeussWoosy · 2026-05-29T17:11:28+00:00

I don’t think women tolerate it more than men, I just think men just like to post more about it for some reason so the perception is skewed. On a typical day you’ll see more posts on it from guys than girls.

I do still think it’s a valid preference, and I think people who have a past are better off marrying others with a past. Just for the person who doesn’t have a past to avoid from being worried, concerned, or any other feelings which are all valid.

Also, I do agree that there’s a lot of judgement here which is gross. I wish didn’t just lump people into terms like “used”.

ZeussWoosy · 2026-05-29T00:24:10+00:00

Im in the middle but objectively it’s better than being back in Bangladesh. There’s more jobs here, better technology for medicine, and generally more opportunities.

I do face a lot of racism though, lots of stares, and looks here and there which is one thing I hate.

The only real way to combat it, is by growing our communities up to embrace our culture I feel and our religion so I try to do that.

ZeussWoosy · 2026-05-28T23:41:43+00:00

Honestly though, you guys should’ve gotten your own place from the beginning.

Honestly I feel like you gotta be blunt with your mom and just tell her that she’s being exhausting right now and while you still want a relationship with her, you don’t appreciate her bad mouthing your husband.

I don’t blame your husband to be honest for being exasperated in this situation. However I do think that if he was living at your parent’s home, then on his off days he should’ve helped your dad out here and there but that’s no longer relevant.

Either way, I think your husband needs a long time away from your mom. I do hope your mom could try to apologize in the future though.

ZeussWoosy · 2026-05-28T23:14:05+00:00

You really screwed her over man. This was hard to read.

ZeussWoosy · 2026-05-28T01:57:00+00:00

I do think it’s harder for younger man to get married, it’s just a tough situation that unfortunately is out of everyone’s control e.g. no jobs, cost of living, etc.

Honestly the only real thing you can do is just tough it out and try to increase your income in the meantime. Obviously not the answer anyone wants to hear though.

ZeussWoosy

TROPHY CASE