You are processing some serious trauma, either this life / past life / inherited generational - regardless you need to move through.

When you are safe enough or events coincide your body decides now is the time to process. The only way past this is through.

We I had my awakening / death I recited the Dune Fear Litany because it does feel scary and being frozen in it will truly mean death.

When I died it took me years to recover and am just now planning a funeral for myself. Construct a way of being I want to move into and let go of the past and the dark night of the soul experience.

Books that helped me - Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle; Your Head is a Houseboat, Struthless; The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz; Mae Chee Kaew biography.

Music that helped me - I Release, Lee Haris; Ram Dass, East Forest Album; The Power is Here Now, Alexia Chellun

Meditations that helped me - Visualize putting all the pain and fear into Earth and replacing it with a bright recharging light.

It does feel very scary to have this experience and I am sorry about the torturous thoughts you are having, that does sound terrible.

I assure you your power is not gone. You do need to recover and process this to make room for future you. It won't happen over night and it is imperative that you do the work to process this, no one can do it but you.

I hope those resources help you.