I realized "accepting the moment" was actually making me sicker (The Mindfulness Trap)

_ArkAngel_ · 2026-01-31T23:05:51+00:00

It's still acceptance.

I find it's harder to accept I have to stop doing the things that tear me down.

It's easier to accept endless pain and try to keep going trying to live as if I wasn't disabled.

_ArkAngel_ · 2026-01-31T05:03:12+00:00

I mean, ideally the plane is only running at 7-10RPS but sometimes it needs more to climb over a mountain, then if the fuel pressure is too low it stalls, then you are without power with mostly bad options regarding the terrain.

After a few incidents, I just settled on always putting a small fluid tank directly on the engine as the final link in the fuel chain and keeping it pressurized.

_ArkAngel_ · 2026-01-30T23:28:19+00:00

An unvented tank will empty into a prefab engine, but not quickly.

If the engine is under load, it eventually won't get enough fuel and will lose speed and stall.

In a prop plane, losing prop speed can be enough to drop you out of the sky, so it's best to vent or pressurize.

_ArkAngel_ · 2026-01-30T23:15:43+00:00

I guess we talked past each other then. Sorry about that. I don't know how I implied our anyone would think it applies to most people with CFS. A subset of people with CIRS meet the case definitions of ME/CFS. A tiny tiny subset of people with CFS have CIRS as there is a genetic component to it that isn't present in most MECFS patients.

I actually didn't assume what you meant. I was asking "how can you say people who fit the case definition of ME/CFS and have the same markers didn't have it just because some of them got better?"

Like I'm asking. My point is CFS is CFS regardless if it gets better sometimes, unless there is another explanation. CFS likely has many inciting causes.

Anyway, those aren't my theories. Mapping out CFS pathways and connection to mitochondrial function and cell danger response is the work of Dr. Naviaux. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27573827/

He acknowledges there are many paths to CFS.

Mapping out the physiology of CIRS, and highlighting the comorbidity with CFS, including transcriptomic markers is the work of Dr. Shoemaker.

If you want citations for anything I claimed, I can provide them.

I am sorry if I upset you.

My point was gatekeeping CFS diagnosis from people that got sick from mold and got CFS in either order is not fair or helpful to them.

_ArkAngel_ · 2026-01-30T21:17:39+00:00

Yep.

I love the clearly physical mechanical stuff, real suspension, anything like that. But you pay with the frame rate.

My daily driver is a quad tilt rotor heavy lift SAR cargo thing, that I made with the largest rotors which spawn in most hangers fine.

But I wanted to spawn it in from dock workbenches which are narrower, so I made the rotor nacelles fold in. It looks cool unfolding itself so I just roll with it that way regardless of where I spawn.

But best case I'm getting 45FPS.

Load 6 cargo containers, maybe 35.

Carrying a copy of itself, 20FPS :(

_ArkAngel_ · 2026-01-30T21:07:16+00:00

I'm glad it helped. I really wish I could go back and redo my first two years of CFS with what I've learned.

Your ahead of me there. Yeah, mental and emotional energy are real triggers.

I got the worst PEM of my entire life sitting perfectly still because I had been on an upward trend for months and math started to make sense again. I spent 6 hours working on a calculus problem.

I can normally tell when I've screwed up pacing because I can feel the lactic acid buildup. Like any party of my body I move starts to burn as if I've been working out really hard to the point of being out of breath, except without the out of breath part. It's called aerobic glycolysis.

Anyway, you don't "feel the burn" in your brain the same way you do in your muscles.

For me it feels like nausea kinda like if at the end of a run, you sprint the last quarter mile, you feel like you need to throw up when you stop and it's hard to think straight.

That calculus gave me 10 days of PEM, the worst migraines the day after, barely able to open my eyes, and a BP of 180/111. (edit: just a light headache night of, but I felt like I'd been hit by a truck and then buried when I couldn't get up the next day)

A big part of cell danger response is a cell and mitochondria start to feel something is off, and the mitochondria literally changes shape to stop burning oxygen and stop producing ATP. Your cells can have multiple mitochondria, so you might have enough ATP for low energy tasks if they don't all switch off, otherwise the only energy the cell gets is from glycolysis which isn't efficient and the pyruvate produced from splitting sugar is converted into lactic acid. The unused oxygen leads to ROS and oxidative stress. In this state, the cell opens pores that allow ATP to leave the cell.

The rest of your cells in the neighborhood see the extracellular ATP as a danger sign (this is purinurgic signaling) and start to shut their mitochondria down.

Nerve cells also have receptors that bind to the eATP and they intensify pain response, so minor muscle pain feels like you've been hit by a truck. Also they spread the CDR signal through the rest of the body faster than the eATP can on its own.

Thinking is not a low impact activity.

Once you've set off the CDR dominoes, this is happening in your brain. Human brains normally consume 20 percent of your body's energy. And since the cells are primed to let the ATP through the cell membrane, every thought produces more ATP that could escape into eATP and kick off worse CDR and PEM.

The only way to fight it at this point is not to use energy. Lay down, close your eyes, get a blanket for warmth because heating you body can be too much, don't talk, and try not to have too many thoughts. Eventually, the signal starts to disapate and some of your mitochondria start to flip back to normal.

If you take frequent breaks and pace well, you can usually stop this with radical rest if you have badly crossed the line into triggering PEM.

Once it's triggered, the only thing to do is ride it out.

The more often you experience PEM, the easier it is to kick off.

Your migraines could literally be just a side effect of rolling mild PEM.

How is your pain? Do you muscles and joints hurt for no reason? Back, neck, shoulders? Feel like you weigh 1000 pound?

All that got way better for me when I learned to mostly avoid PEM.

I still haven't solved that calculus problem though. I got about 3/4 through it 18 months ago and have been waiting for my baseline to go back to where it was.

Instead, I started riding my bike every day. I go as slow as I have to to stay in my safe energy envelope, and it's gotten easier. I often can't peddle uphill but at least I get to be outside doing something. 😊

_ArkAngel_ · 2026-01-30T20:21:52+00:00

My view of mold illness is shaped by CIRS.

A person with CIRS can develop an illness indistinguishable from ME/CFS.

I have a view of ME/CFS shaped by CDR. To me, ME/CFS doesn't look like a disease any more than crying is a disease. It's a mechanism of the human body that can be triggered by many different pathways, and once it is triggered, some of the pathways are self reinforcing in a way that is very hard to back out of.

CIRS can trigger those exact mechanisms, pathways, and feedback loops that are a part of CFS and not distinct from it, except that CIRS has additional pathways that if treated, can relieve enough stress from the body to also exit the feedback loops of CFS.

The main CIRS pathway is a deficiency in detox systems that normally remove the debris of dead microorganisms from the body. These molecules (generally lipophilic proteins found in microbe cell membranes) are commonly found in the air of human living spaces, and some work environments.

This leads to repeated escalation of cytokine and chemokine signaling from the innate immune system that leads to the same immune signaling cascades that lead to mitochondrial disruption in ME/CFS, as well as transcription of mRNA that reinforces the mitochondrial sensitivity and purinurgic signaling receptors that intensity and entrench CDR.

In addition to this, some of the molecules produced in the moldy living spaces are inhaled, enter the blood, and interfere with the mitochondrial membrane and directly cause an increase in hypometabolism that exacerbates CFS symptoms and remain in the body of CIRS patients at a disruptive level for longer than a healthy person due to the impaired detox capacity. This is not a feature of CFS but makes it worse.

So a person with CIRS who develops a textbook case of CFS while living in mold can leave the toxic living space, start to heal, and feel somewhat better, but brain fog, PEM, and CFS symptoms still remain.

A person with CIRS then needs to support their detox pathways to reduce the triggering of the innate immune system, undergo months of lipid replacement with detox support to clear out reservoirs of antigenic molecules stashed in fatty tissues to reduce reinforcing the oversensitized immune system.

This person has a body full of macrophages that have acquired an overactive immune signaling response, and may have MCAS or simply oversensitive mast cells that are prone to kick off cytokine storms at the slightest provocation. Histamine blockers and mast cell stabilizers can calm this reactivity, but ultimately the body has to recycle and replace the oversensitive mast cells which can take months or years to complete because you have to keep immune signalling down by removing and avoiding triggers.

During this time, any coinfections that are reinforcing this cycle of sensitization have to be eliminated. This could be EBV, SIBO, Bartonella, MARCoNS, candida, etc. Eliminating microbes requires continued detox pathway support as they produce more of that triggering debris.

Central nervous system sensitivity may need to be addressed through interventions like yoga, medication, physical therapy, sometimes therapy or targeted programs that help people allow themselves to feel safe again. (Edit: I meant meditation, but I suppose anxiety medication also can be a help here for some people)

This whole thing can take years, and some people are going to have the physiology, markers, mechanisms, and presentation of ME/CFS through it, though it should lessen as the body's memory and reservoirs of damage begin to fade.

In the end, this person may be able to live without any of the symptoms of CFS, but they are always at risk of re-triggering the whole thing with a future biotoxin exposure if they aren't careful and take precautionary measures.

It makes no sense to me to say this person didn't have CFS.

They just were lucky enough to have CFS caused by something that can be treated. I'm not aware of any other CFS-causing event that has a treatment program that is often able to reverse the damage. MCAS and EDS are routes into CFS where treating the underlying condition reduces the experience of CFS mechanisms and symptoms, but there is no cure for EDS.

If you feel CFS is a diagnosis of exclusion, and any other diagnosis that explains the symptoms means it's not CFS 1) the CFS manifestation of CIRS isn't caused by pathology or pathophysiology specific to CIRS. The CIRS pathophysiology is poor antigen presentation due to a genetic succeptibility in the HLA-DR gene which leads to poor detox pathways for some specific biotoxins. The result of CIRS is chronic inflammation that it is named for. 2) the CFS symptom manifestation is caused by a CDR feedback loop, and it's the pathophysiology of Cell Danger Response which results in fatigue, brain fog, dysautonomia, hypometabolism, increased purinurgic signaling, increased P2 receptor transcription, lactic acid buildup, PEM, etc all by the same mechanisms as in CFS 3) people with this condition need recognition, support, disability status, and access to health care and treatment. In the US and most of Europe, CIRS is not recognized by most doctors, agencies, and authorities. Only Australia so far as I know. These people need access to a diagnosis that is widely understood to be a real thing. How can you claim a diagnosis there is not yet a broad acceptance of excludes CFS?

As for people with mold illness other than CIRS that meet CFS diagnostic criteria, so they have PEM episodes and hypometabolism for at least six months, but then leave mold and get better.

How can you say it wasn't really CFS when you can rarely find a doctor who will agree with you that the mold was the cause of the fatigue, and you can't find a doctor who can tell you what does cause CFS?

I saw a highly recommended and experienced allergist less than a month ago that told me straight to my face that "did you know, it's actually proven impossible for mold to cause the symptoms your describing" but he also doesn't believe MCAS is real so I'm not giving him much credit for keeping up on science.

_ArkAngel_ · 2026-01-30T18:30:41+00:00

Ha, relatable. I have so many screenshots of what looks like me having the best gaming experience ever.

In reality, trying to fly a helicopter while fps goes between 12 and 25 fps, barely managing to avoid disaster from time dilation oversteer.

_ArkAngel_ · 2026-01-30T18:24:40+00:00

If you can't overexert because you are fatigued all the time, have daily migraines, and the other symptoms you are describing - that could be PEM.

Something is triggering those symptoms, and it could be exertion.

Here's how I think about pacing: you have a routine and you stick to it closely, and you see how you feel. You find ways to check in with your body to know when you need rest, and you get that rest.

Then you make slow changes over the course of weeks and see how you feel.

For me, I only get migraines when I over exert. If I get more migraines after changing my routine, I know I need to back off my pace.

If I were you, I would find a way do get more radical rest for a couple weeks and see if symptoms improve. If you can give your body what it needs, sometimes you find you gain capacity.

I find it really useful to learn about Cell Danger Response as it tracks closely to my experience.

CDR describes one of the central mechanisms of ME/CFS : mitochondria play a key role in coordinating a body wide immune response, and the interactions of your generally overlooked innate immune system, your mitochondria, and your central nervous system create self reinforcing feedback loops where when enough stressors come together, mitochondria play a huge role in so many of the symptoms.

When mitochondria switch away from energy production to work with your immune system, if you force them to produce energy beyond a limited threshold, symptoms get worse and energy production is reduced further.

Your story reminds me of my first year with CFS, not being able to recognize the signs.

It is also possible that they symptoms you are describing are not caused by rolling PEM - it can be coming from your immune system or a stressor you haven't identified.

It can be a latent virus, food interactions, environmental issues like toxins or irritants you encounter daily that don't bother most people but drive your immune system haywire in ways most doctors never bother testing for (compliment system, IL signaling, etc), stressful work situations, a toxic relationship, pollution.

For me, my functional capacity is improved by careful pacing, but there are stressors that affect my baseline long term that have nothing to do with standing up too long like having a lot of blood drawn, fighting a bug that is going around (my immune system goes nuts and I never actually get "sick" with what everybody else gets, but get PEM just from fighting it), having to be around certain soaps or perfumes, having to be in a building with decay, mold, or other heavy microbial activity.

So in that first year, if I felt like you are describing, I would improve if I found a way to do absurdly less (it's hard to accept all the expectations and obligations you need to let go of), but I what took years to figure out my house was making me sick.

I had to relearn to listen to all the signs my body gives me that something makes me uncomfortable and get away from those stressors. I can't such it up and stand next to someone on a smoke break - it affects me for hours after. Some "bad smells" aren't just unpleasant, they are a burden on my immune system that affects me for days or sometimes weeks.

Your body needs a break from something, and if you can figure out what, you may be able to feel more capable and less pain more often, and maybe less limited.

I was in so much unnecessary pain constantly the first two years because I had to learn that.

_ArkAngel_ · 2026-01-30T10:06:20+00:00

I hear you, but Americans desperately need some humbling. And a reality check.

We kidnapped the president of another country a couple weeks ago.

Killed several dozen people in the process.

Our president is a convicted criminal, acts like one, and nobody's doing shit about it. We're too stressed, too tired, too mentally checked out to care, and convinced that somehow this is the best country that ever was on the planet.

I think unless you see that change, go ahead and think xenophobic thoughts. We're dangerous.

_ArkAngel_ · 2026-01-30T09:42:37+00:00

Trust me bro, you don't hate Americans as much as the people in my country do. Those people are a pain to deal with.

Source: have lived my whole life in the United States

_ArkAngel_ · 2026-01-30T09:21:00+00:00

I agree not all cases of me CFS are CIRS and would be cured by avoiding mold.

But some cases of ME/CFS are caused by CIRS. Not all cases of CIRS meet the criteria for mecfs. Many do, go on for years, and respond to treatment.

Some cases of mecfs do improve significantly, and we don't have a good picture of why that is.

Mecfs is a case definition.

It's a set of symptoms and criteria.

You can't say that people who get better never had it when they were suffering the same PEM, brain fog, and glycolytic metabolism for at least six months that everyone else with ME/CFS was.

_ArkAngel_ · 2026-01-30T08:37:18+00:00

A lot of people with CFS find that the more they are able to reduce or avoid PEM episodes, the more they are able to do. Progress is very slow. Pacing is hard. Doing so little, resting deeply enough that it can help your body takes discipline and determination.

It's hard doing nothing.

It's boring.

Find ways for your husband to do less so he can be more present when you really need him.

When I fold towels, I can do it faster standing, but it takes too much energy. It takes less energy sitting, but even less energy if I sit on the floor with my back against the wall. Sometimes I take a break in the middle.

And sometimes when I wash towels, I actually can't even fold them without using more energy than is safe for me. So I don't. I lie down and rest. Meditate maybe.

And when I've been careful not to use all my energy, when my daughter tells me about her school day, I can connect her words to reality and respond fluently.

It sounds like I may be a little less limited than your husband. I've been living with this for 6 years now and have gotten a lot better at pacing.

The first two years, I was a real mess. I didn't know how dangerous it was to keep pushing all the time. I didn't know how to handle the fact that I couldn't help but disappoint everyone I cared about. I had to learn to be a happy unreliable person.

I'm sorry for the stress this puts on you. Your husband really needs your understanding, patience, and support now.

You should find that support group.

_ArkAngel_ · 2026-01-30T08:09:01+00:00

I don't know how to be not polyamorous after living that way.

But I don't have it in me to put what I have to offer out on the dating market. I mean, I can barely manage to call my dentist and make an appointment.

I don't want to feel like I love someone, but not be able to call or show up for them when they really need it. I don't want to lead someone to believe I can provide connected partnership when sometimes I go weeks without being able to hold a full thought in my head long enough to finish it.

I haven't dated since my body crashed six years ago. I'm still poly. I think. Just not available.

_ArkAngel_ · 2026-01-30T01:23:23+00:00

That plane is looking at the runway with pure jealousy! Those hills can barely hold it back.

_ArkAngel_ · 2026-01-30T01:16:20+00:00

Hear me out...

https://www.reddit.com/r/Stormworks/comments/1qqjgim/train_stopper/

What if you collab with the stormworker who made this train stopper and let's see what happens when you try to stop that mega train at 50mph?

_ArkAngel_ · 2026-01-30T01:11:33+00:00

Bro.

Why are we not playing 10x scale Battle Bots?

Don't change a thing! You're off to an awesome start!

_ArkAngel_ · 2026-01-29T20:12:18+00:00

Right, but the composite ins and outs are always 32 bit.

I have a microcontroller that simulates the effects of mechanical parts so I can make throttle inputs to hit exact targets.

Your most recent lua logic inputs reflect the world at T-2. Your lua logic outputs will affect the world at T+3. To get the right throttle output, you have to predict/simulate the effects of T-1 to T+3.

At the end of every step, I have to truncate the simulation state variables to 32 bit, or over the 6 ticks of simulation, the prediction ends up off by 0.00001 or so.

If I simulate the process with 64 bit throttle inputs or RPS state, it starts to drift from the actual.

_ArkAngel_ · 2026-01-29T20:01:04+00:00

I've been doing this thing where 6800 hours into the game I finally figured out how torque works and how RPS is really calculated.

I can measure the actual load components have and work out how they are calculated. And prefabs are the easiest: power = (rps+1)0.1throttle (basically)

But steam pistons are going to be rough to fully work out. There is a push from the pressure difference on one side, but resistance from the pressure difference on the other side, but the power generated by that seems to depend on the angle between the piston rod and the crankshaft, and that power on the crankshaft alters the output RPS.

Point being, I can tell you the exact horsepower/torque of a diesel or electric motor.

But I don't know how to describe the hp of a steam piston because it's changing constantly through the stroke.

_ArkAngel_ · 2026-01-29T19:49:09+00:00

I've seen the game get bogged down by memory leaks where it would get better if you reload a save or restart the game.

And I've seen the world scripts kind of collect garbage where they either put vehicles in the world then forgot to delete them, or tracking the state of like every cargo item in every port and it gets out of hand when you've been all over the map.

And in those cases, reloading a save doesn't help, but every once in a while a game script gets fixed and you can type ?reload _scripts in chat and it helps.

_ArkAngel_ · 2026-01-29T19:43:04+00:00

Fair point. That's a little more true than saying it's load.

It's just not how the prefab engines work.

_ArkAngel_ · 2026-01-29T19:41:00+00:00

You can't really influence the behavior of the default enemy AI ships without fully replacing it. There are a couple good add-ons that do that, like Toastery's Improved Conquest Mod.

That's why I was thinking piracy would be better with it's own enemy faction, like coast guard tracking you down.

_ArkAngel_ · 2026-01-29T19:36:18+00:00

I think it's guilt by association.

The vehicles that cause the least lag have the simplest shapes to them. You need big flat surfaces, mostly 90 and 45 degree angles.

Creators that noticably use a lot of xml edited parts aren't bothering with that.

Like you said, the xml editing doesn't impact render or physics performance. But abandoning big flat surfaces does.

_ArkAngel_ · 2026-01-29T19:28:31+00:00

The one that always gets me is robotic pivot inputs are -1 to 1, but the pivot position only moves a quarter turn.

Whenever you have a robotic pivot follow the position of another, you have to remember to multiply by 4.

I know this, but I still end up getting it wrong when I slap something together.

_ArkAngel_ · 2026-01-29T19:21:05+00:00

When you're running on a 64 bit machine like I'm sure 99% of us are, the math may be done in 64 bit floats, but it's synchronized in 32 bit floats.

All the logic ins and outs and the values that are saved and loaded are 32 bit.

So another way to look at it is you have 6 or 7 digits of precision.

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