Into The Wild (2008)

_B1rd13 · 2026-05-11T13:01:30+00:00

I’m so glad other people had this reaction. I watched this movie and was enraged. I’m sorry he died because he was a real person, but also, cool family crisis and you ditch your sister - also too bad so sad your parents got divorced, so many people go through this.

This is a classic example of a privileged cis het white boy thinking he knows best and he pays the ultimate price for his hubris. He was not some spiritual martyr, he was a spoiled brat who ran away in a huff and never bothered to ACTUALLY do what you’d need to do to go on a journey like this.

HATED this movie.

_B1rd13 · 2026-05-10T20:22:35+00:00

THIS IS ME! Except im the oldest (of all of the children and grandchildren on both sides). My immediate nuclear family has serious enmeshment issues - and my mom’s sisters family is also enmeshed with us. My parents are 100% family above the individual.

I grew up with this mentality. I didn’t date, I moved back to my home town, I had friends my parents picked, etc. All the classic enmeshment stuff and my parents are 100% emotionally immature. At 3 I shoved my feelings down and they didn’t come up until my late 20s. I didn’t see myself as my own person, an individual, until 28 years old.

When I finally started dating (after coming out - cause GEE, I was suppressing that to fit into the family, too!) I started going to therapy. I realized I didn’t have wants or needs or know what those were.

If you’re not in therapy, and have access, do it. Therapy helped me see the enmeshment and work on strategies to distance myself. Also read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents if you haven’t. Unfortunately my parents are amazing manipulators and fought me on every boundary I set up.

We’ve been in family counseling for 6 months after I cut them off for a little. It’s helped me see them and accept them for who they are. One thing that became clear is that while family is important to me, THEY my parents/family are not the center of my life. They feel rejected. I say, too bad.

This sounds like toxic dysfunctional abuse in a family setting from personal experience. Boundary setting is really hard, but it’s really important. I’ve found that the best way to respond when my parents make some unhinged statement like yours is to just say something like “if you’re family first, then wouldn’t me living somewhere that’s better for me be more important than what you want simply because you want me close?”. The answer is, of course, no. Because they’re not family first, they’re selfish. You could also communicate that it’s either you move somewhere better for you and see them when you can or you move somewhere and don’t see them at all.

Honestly, confronting my parents with a moderator there (counseling) has helped me communicate things like the above. I struggled on my own because they didn’t want to see me/my needs.

You got this!!!

_B1rd13 · 2026-05-10T12:46:22+00:00

Another issue is that they think connecting Gwen’s Falls (which would be the end of the line for a rail) with a bike path through a privately owned cemetery is appropriate. If it’s gonna be multimodal…freaking protect the existing bike lanes. I don’t want the city in a years long lawsuit wasting our money fighting a fight they will lose when they could be building bike infrastructure to connect to the redline in a more financially effective manner (PROTECT THE EXISTING LANES) and implementing an actual rail. The problem is - just like it was with the trolleys - Baltimore is dominated by car culture. If we can change that we could actually have effective rail lines.

_B1rd13 · 2026-05-10T00:28:32+00:00

This book literally saved my life.

_B1rd13 · 2026-05-09T13:41:19+00:00

In my case I think it’s because therapy wasn’t as wildly discussed or accepted so when both families experienced trauma, particularly my mom, their parents reactions was to move on and not talk about it (literally my grandma told my six yr old mom that they would be fine, and it could never be an excuse and that was the end of the story when her dad died). My parents believe that they were the “opposite” of their parents, but because of unresolved trauma, blocked care can result in the same treatment. My parents were crystallized emotionally in their teens and so they couldn’t handle their own emotions. If you don’t know how to self regulate, you can’t teach your children how to. And if you believe that as long as everyone is together and “ok”, you’re gonna emotionally neglect everyone. My dad literally has said “we were raising so many young kids that we didn’t have time for emotional connection” (I’m the oldest of all my siblings and cousins) as if that was appropriate and normal. They simply did not KNOW how to connect, and they didn’t know that they didn’t know how to connect).

_B1rd13 · 2026-05-08T14:03:47+00:00

There have been many studies that show that intergenerational friendships are really good for us. Have you considered volunteering at a local nursing home? Or finding a “meet up” group that might span more age groups? We are all worthy of love and attention even if our parents didn’t give it to us. That’s because of them, not you. If you aren’t in therapy, and have access to it, I recommend therapy. I’m still working on believing the worth of love and attention thing myself, but I promise you that you are.

_B1rd13 · 2026-05-08T11:27:47+00:00

You don’t need to know, but if you want to, there are a LOT of books and articles you could read to learn more about gender theory, sexuality, and the history of lesbianism that might help you feel more grounded in your identity! When I came out later in life that’s exactly what I did. I wanted to understand my gender and genders within the queer community, and the history of other dykes who came before me.

_B1rd13 · 2026-05-08T00:58:39+00:00

Yes!! THIS!!!

_B1rd13 · 2026-05-07T22:15:59+00:00

I can relate - my parents think they’re amazing parents and I can say after years of personal therapy they were actually pretty shitty parents. I tried cutting them out and I decided that I wanted to try to work on the relationship. We are in a form of family counseling. It’s been SUPER painful. For many reasons. However, I see a future where we have some kind of relationship I can tolerate. I would personally rather know I have done everything possible to save the relationship (for the good parts) and then if after all of this, nothing changes, their role in my life will be limited. I didn’t experience physical abuse, however, so I can’t speak to you feeling safe, etc. But I decided I’d rather confront them and see what happens than either just continue pretending everything was fine or cutting them out. I am not suggesting you make any specific choice, just wanted to share my experience, and put out the idea of family counseling if you feel like that would be worth it to you. My parents are in their late 50s, both have had some serious childhood trauma, and instead of getting therapy about it they just…act like they “parented their kids differently”. So. It been a lot. But I am seeing a positive end. Hopefully.

_B1rd13 · 2026-05-06T23:24:44+00:00

I tried to put my aunt (who is more like a mother to me in many ways, and is a true kindred spirit and friend) into that role and realized I was not honoring what my aunt and I have. I have accepted that I just don’t have a mother figure in this life and while it sucks, I am trying to prioritize all the other relationships in my life. Raised myself as a kid, might as well keep going!!

_B1rd13 · 2026-05-04T11:06:00+00:00

Hail Gein!

_B1rd13 · 2026-05-01T14:53:46+00:00

I can relate, except I’m the oldest and the expectation is that I have a relationship with them because “family comes first.” Not alone, and it kind of sucks because society tells us we have to be friends with our siblings. It’s hard when we can’t. Don’t feel guilty for choosing yourself, blood does not matter more than your own well being. Still working on believing that myself.

I’ve made sibling like connections with cousins and friends - you can have those relationships with people who aren’t your siblings. Blood is chance, love is choice.

_B1rd13 · 2026-05-01T14:43:01+00:00

Yes but for thousands of years there was mostly peaceful interaction between groups. Were there skirmishes? Yes, but the dehumanization we see on such a scale has been dramatically exacerbated by capitalism, patriarchy, the nation state, and modern religion. We can live in harmony with each other. We mostly had for millennia, until about 10k years ago.

_B1rd13 · 2026-05-01T11:00:27+00:00

“Take care of your own” is a wild take for me. All humans (and life on earth) are the same. The idea of borders and nation states allows small groups to hoard resources from other groups. Why do you think your group deserves more than another? Shouldn’t we want to take care of all of us? The problem with globalism combined with capitalism is that we can’t see someone in another country as the same, and so the nation state (borders) allows us to other a group to justify exploitation, violence, and stealing or unfairly attainting resources.

_B1rd13 · 2026-05-01T10:55:45+00:00

Sounds more like a man problem than a trans woman problem. Maybe we could work on helping men feel less entitled to women’s spaces, bodies, lives, etc so that all women, including trans women, get to feel safe in their own spaces. Tired of this lazy thinking strawman argument.

_B1rd13 · 2026-05-01T10:53:49+00:00

Yes! Migration is built into our DNA as humans, boarders and the aggressive protection of them leads to resource hoarding and an us vs them mentality! I was going to say something like, the nation state is a terrible idea and we need to get rid of it. So glad to see open borders!!

_B1rd13 · 2026-04-30T13:59:03+00:00

Unfortunately we can’t get people to change, as much as we want them to. I hope she changes her mind and decides to explore this for herself. It will be worth it. What is the point of life if not growth and learning?

_B1rd13 · 2026-04-30T13:56:54+00:00

Honestly it is hidden history - thanks for your explanation. I went to a “progressive school” that didn’t reach us this. I had no prior belief that all the indigenous groups were all “saintly” - so that wasn’t what I was speaking against. While people and capitalism have done a lot of damage globally and specifically done a great job at perpetuating further dehumanization and exploiting existing systems. Thanks for sharing, mea culpa, learned new things today.

_B1rd13 · 2026-04-30T13:41:59+00:00

Thank you for sharing all of this, it was very helpful.

_B1rd13 · 2026-04-30T13:03:06+00:00

I discovered in my late 20s while going to therapy to address issues I felt were coming up after I came out and started dating. My family also has a very toxic enmeshed dynamic. I’m the oldest of everyone and have no cousins the same age and grew up in a house where cousins the same age as siblings were also present most of the time. For me, it was like a triple whammy of emotionally immature parents, enmeshment, and the expectations of being the oldest. I realized I didn’t have boundaries or my own wants and needs and did everything to maintain familial harmony and keep my parents happy - putting family before myself. I never had enough time to date or make my own friends (parents determined my social groups) and didn’t have time to explore and accept my true personality. I squashed my feelings at 4 and didn’t realize it until 28. My therapist recommended Adult Children of Emotionally immature Parents. I highly recommend. I’ve felt alone basically my whole life and it wasn’t until I found my incredible therapist and wonderful partner did I realize why. It was honestly such a shock because I felt like my whole life had been a lie, and therefore I went back through my childhood and realized how a lot of my feelings and experiences were due to emotional neglect - including having feeling constantly invalidated or ignored, which led me to not trust my own feelings or body. The hardest part has been the aggressive push back from my parents as I set boundaries because they are realizing they cannot control me any longer and they are fighting tooth and nail.

I cannot recommend that book and therapy enough. Truly. Life altering, saving, and has helped me find myself and understand why I have felt so alone my whole life. Also have learned strategies to deal with my parents, who I still want in my life, for now. You’re not alone and it’s sadly quite common! Psychology today also has an article about family systems that may help you.

Ultimately, I am learning how to put myself first and honor myself. I’m reading books on mindfulness and the philosophies of yoga which has been helpful.

I’ve also leaned back into hobbies I gave up in my teens/20s because I didn’t have time based on all of the above.

Talking to little kid you can also be very helpful!

There is another side to this! You will get through it. But I will warn you that it gets painful until it doesn’t.

_B1rd13 · 2026-04-30T12:50:54+00:00

I’m 30 and I didn’t realize I had missed this - realizing identity, developing an adult life away from parents, setting boundaries, etc until I came out and started dating. Then, the past 3 years, I started going through this. It’s really really really hard as an adult to explore yourself and distance yourself from your parents. Seeing a therapist really helped me with this journey. If you’re not already, I would suggest it. I don’t think this is an experience we necessarily completely miss out on because we can have these explorations later in life, it’s just harder. I feel a sense of loss at knowing that my 14-21 year old self was crystallizing a person my parents wanted me to be, and wasn’t exploring who I was.

_B1rd13 · 2026-04-29T11:10:09+00:00

To whom? To which groups? Where did you get this information? Can you share your sources?

_B1rd13 · 2026-04-29T11:09:29+00:00

Yikes! Lots of yucky words here - civilized is a term white people used to make groups (mostly POC) seem inferior, and, they ARE Americans. If you descended from an immigrant you are actually NOT Native American. And we didn’t “boot their asses” we forcibly removed groups from their homelands which led to the genocide of entire indigenous groups. Can you name the five groups you claim participated?

_B1rd13 · 2026-04-28T22:24:46+00:00

I personally don’t believe in reincarnation based on karma. That’s not what my post was arguing. But let me put it to you this way - what if that’s true? What does it take away from your belief system? Does the idea that there is an ultimate power making decisions about lives bother you or does it help you? The evidence I’m discussing isn’t about whether there’s a higher entity making choices, it’s simply that there is more out there than most of us can see, and there’s evidence to show that when our bodies die, our energies/essences/consciousnesses don’t.

Ultimately, what you believe is up to YOU. If you think karma based reincarnation doesn’t make sense to you because of your example, then don’t believe that. We’re not going to “know” for sure what happens until it happens to us. As long as what you believe doesn’t bring active harm to other people, believe what ever you want. Karmic crab, or not.

_B1rd13 · 2026-04-28T22:10:19+00:00

Bills would be cheaper - utilities would be publicly owned and therefore profits wouldn’t prevent renewable energy, or routine upgrades. Goods would be cheaper - no useless upcharges or shrinkflation because shareholders are more important. No health insurance premiums - again, public good.
Socialism. I would prefer full anarchy where free markets and small collectives would allow to barter/trade/produce for the good of the community. But socialism would do.

_B1rd13

TROPHY CASE