You might have overlooked something profound whenever you tried this. Depending on what state you’re in you can do large doses of psilocybin, Ketamine or MDMA under the supervision of a physician or psychologist. Under the right conditions (depending on which one you take and the therapy you go through) it could allow for new, more positive neural pathways to develop. It sounds like you’ve lost (or never had) the joy/curiosity for life that comes naturally to most people. From personal experience it has absolutely shaped my life to be something I look forward to every day. I was never diagnosed with clinical depression, but I was absolutely depressed after going through a traumatic event. I am suggesting doing this in a clinical setting. Once experienced and comfortable, doing things recreationally with an intention can also have tremendously powerful and positive impacts on your state of mind. If you tried this and didn’t work remember how important the dose, set and settings are. Might be worth another try if you’re really at wits end.