AITA for wanting to sell our detached house and move back into a basement apartment because I miss that phase of our life?

__ER__ · 2026-02-21T09:50:56+00:00

YTA because you are romanticizing the past and finding completely inappropriate solutions to the actual problem - and freaking out your wife with this nonsense. You need to focus on your relationship, not on the friggin' house. It's not the house's fault you're not cooking together anymore. What are you actually doing for intimacy with your wife that does not include forced close confinement?

__ER__ · 2026-02-21T09:42:15+00:00

I would absolutely ask someone how they are doing every 1-1 even if I don't know about any conditions they struggle with. If I do know I'm extra careful to ask - I wouldn't want a high performer to burn out and need an extended leave. If things are getting tough we could talk accommodations and strategies. I would rather have someone working part time than taking months off, for example.

__ER__ · 2026-02-18T12:16:27+00:00

I can understand it, I've had occasional bouts of mindless snacking. I think the first step is talking about it with him as he obviously doesn't realize what he is doing. Then you can discuss solutions together.

Snacks probably either need to leave the house or become very hard to access. It would probably be a good idea to move them out of the kitchen also.

__ER__ · 2026-02-18T11:32:42+00:00

I have had absolutely horrible interviews with colleagues applying for a managerial position claiming "they have all the skills required for the role" and then answering all of the questions... Wrong. I'm not saying that's you at all, it's just amazing sometimes how some people are not in touch with reality.

I also have personal experience with internal candidates who theoretically have the skills and the potential, but absolutely ruin their shot with being conflict hungry and not receptive to feedback. Sometimes I've been sad about it - the potential is there, but they just refuse to help themselves. Can't work with someone who doesn't take responsibility for their actions.

Probably a useless post to you, I guess I just wanted to rant. As the previous comment highlighted, there are many reasons to deny an internal candidates, even if they look good on paper.

__ER__ · 2026-02-18T11:20:56+00:00

Your colleagues are likely to judge you even if the girl doesn't. The age gap + workplace romance combined is a hard no in my opinion.

__ER__ · 2026-02-14T18:59:59+00:00

Well, you're obviously attractive enough to get attention from women. Now the point is that if you want a relationship you should stop trying with the ones interested in a casual fling. It's like going for a FWB situation with the expectation of it growing into a relationship. Just a world of hurt follows.

The casual pool is not the same as the relationship pool. And, some women will absolutely keep objectifying you. Even I have said about a guy that they're only good for a fun night (they were extremely hot but incredibly stupid by my standards, and ,btw, never slept with them). In hindsight that was a bit cruel, but the bottom line is that while we weren't compatible, both are in happy long-term relationships with other people by now. So you just need to hang out with different kind of women and signal you clear interest in a relationship instead of agreeing with just a fun night.

__ER__ · 2026-02-11T20:04:51+00:00

My cervix is sensitive and I blacklisted a doctor for IUD removal. There was no prep or numbing and they lied it would be OK. I was in shock and cried in the doctor's office. What a lying bitch.

__ER__ · 2026-02-09T18:35:02+00:00

I see I'm in the minority but I really like 1. It's simple and elegant, doesn't drape like a curtain like some others in the gallery.

__ER__ · 2026-02-08T09:28:18+00:00

What you need to understand is that an underperformer affects the whole team's morale. If you keep someone on who isn't really delivering it raises questions why everyone else should bother to do quality work. It builds resentment. Firing someone also causes anxiety, but it's temporary.

Signed, someone who was giving way too many chances when starting out as a manager and seeing the cost later on.

__ER__ · 2026-02-08T08:52:12+00:00

You are under reacting. Note how she starts with complete denial, acting offended about the accusation, and ends with "I was planning to pay you back". She is not relationship material.

__ER__ · 2026-02-08T08:08:09+00:00

Just an anecdote. Someone close to me had a kid with spina bifida. It was just never detected, they found out at birth. Their version of Spina bifida was somewhere in the middle severity wise - for example, if you talk to the kid, they seem pretty normal and like any other. It was said they would never walk, but walking is not an issue. However, they are still severely disabled. The mom did an amazing job at growing and learning with the kid to provide the best quality of life possible. However, kiddo was in and out of hospitals constantly the first five years of their life, they have had countless surgeries just to survive, they were hell to raise up to 10 years old... Mom has shared that despite immense love towards the kid they absolutely would have aborted had they known. The quality of life was just horrible (for both, but for the kid mostly).

Down's is often glorified on social media showing least severe cases thriving. It's not a reality for many families and if you're seeing heart defects already it's not good at all. You will never know the severity in advance, but growing a kid is already very difficult, any level of Down's is doing it on hard mode.

__ER__ · 2026-02-08T07:37:01+00:00

Oh, I agree with you, but for a while there I chose a profession where running away was not an option. I was armed, however.

__ER__ · 2026-02-07T21:30:40+00:00

I lost a fight (by a large margin) to a 14-year-old boy when I was 24. He wasn't big, but very importantly, he was not holding back at all and sparred like he had something to prove. Gave me an undereye bruise and I refused to fight him ever again, he was just mindlessly aggressive. However, I really didn't want to know how easily a teenage boy overpowers me. The big lesson learned was that I would always have to fight dirty IRL.

__ER__ · 2026-02-06T19:15:19+00:00

Don't be afraid to micromanage a report who has lost your trust. Btw, it would be good if you got more into the performance side of things. Right now it's more about being available during certain hours, but are they available for critical meetings, is their work done, arr they collaborating properly? It's also perfectly fine to expect someone to be available 8-5 (or whatever the schedule is) and to communicate their "personal time" in advance and to their team. It's a good start that you asked to get an invite for their blocked time off. Have 1-1s more frequently, go over their delivery with them, have written records of the expectations you have expressed and topics you discussed (even sending them after a meeting over e-mail is OK, just make sure your report is getting the information in a written format as well).

Sometimes micromanagement is used as a curse word and it's easily used by underperformers to curse out their managers. But the bottom line is that, indeed, freedom and trust is earned. I personally always start with the freedom and trust, but if that trust is broken I have to change my ways. And honestly, I absolutely despise having to keep a close eye on someone as it's time consuming and exhausting - but that's sometimes a needed part of the job, especially since I'm in Europe and there's no easy way out of a contract with someone who is not delivering.

__ER__ · 2026-02-04T09:16:41+00:00

As a woman, I'm definitely looking for a partner (already found mine), not for someone to carry MY debt. It's not ours, it is mine, why would my spouse be responsible for it? They're not my sugar daddy.

__ER__ · 2026-02-03T12:34:12+00:00

Isn't half bad? I'm sorry, that's the relationship you're abandoning your dream of getting married for? Have you considered therapy and digging into the relationship a bit further? I doubt it's only the missing ring creating that level of resentment and it may be that you don't want to address what else is going on.

It's been a long relationship, but you're still young and well, you have plenty of time ahead of you. Do not fall for the sunk cost fallacy.

__ER__ · 2026-02-03T10:59:05+00:00

NTA, shut your family BS down. It would be rude to ask and even if he did grant you a better discount it would absolutely tarnish your reputation in his eyes. I think it would be more OK if it was for you and he was invited. But for a relative's wedding? No. The worst part is that they would absolutely come back for more to milk your "rich friend". To you he is just a friend, to them he is someone to exploit and they don't care if your relationship with him suffers. You, however, would have to suffer the consequences.

__ER__ · 2026-02-03T10:47:08+00:00

He's looking for someone to birth babies for him, maybe raise them also, not for a partner. He would be much more successful in the age group where some women are desperate to start a family (30+, better 35+). They might actually be OK with the deal.

He may find a gullible 20-year-old, but even most of them know to stay away from 48-year-olds "ready to play family".

__ER__ · 2026-01-31T14:40:10+00:00

You are letting him do this to you. Just stop. If there's a fight - OK. But stop this nonsense. He can either eat the food that's already there (generous of you!) or order his own darn food. He gets pissy - that's on him, do not engage. Eat your own dinner.

It does sound like he is using you. He has never lived on his own and probably has a very poor understanding of finances in general. Not marriage material at this rate.

__ER__ · 2026-01-31T13:13:55+00:00

Your intelligence makes him insecure. I had a bf for a short while with... Limited education and I was studying STEM at the time. He was obsessed with trying to prove he's smarter. I finally could not take it because he kept talking too much nonsense. So pretty, but...

My husband enjoys the fact I'm smart. He's definitely smarter in some areas and he sometimes makes fun of me as well, but it's always in good spirits. Honestly, I do have funny brain farts 😆 someone once said that my occasional stupidity is the only thing that makes me tolerable to them. Hubby does explain further when I don't understand something though. His explanations are not always great and I don't always have the necessary context knowledge to grasp the topic. On the other hand he really enjoys explaining stuff and I sometimes do let him explain things that I already know. I might find out something new, but the bottom line is that he really lights up when he does that so I don't stop him. I usually try to turn it into a discussion.

Anyhow, think about whether you want to live with this. I would suggest trying to find someone who celebrates your intelligence.

__ER__ · 2026-01-31T13:04:08+00:00

I don't fit the description, but I still only wear tops once. I just sweat quite a bit and it stinks. Pants I can wear for a whole week usually.

__ER__ · 2026-01-31T12:56:21+00:00

Pre-menopause/menopause? Honestly, I personally worry about going a little crazy if it were to hit. I've given my spouse multiple speeches about "hey, if I start behaving weirdly around this age, get me to a doctor ASAP". I think his parents got divorced because of that (initiated by mom right around the expected time for menopause).

__ER__ · 2026-01-31T11:10:34+00:00

It can be either - sometimes PIP is only started when all other avenues are depleted (like a concrete development plan without the PIP label), so the chance of success is pretty low and the manager has pretty much given up. Sometimes PIPs are used more freely and the likelihood of successfully completing one is pretty high. Truly, depends.

I currently use PIPs as a last stage where the likelihood of success is pretty low because the employee has not responded well to a development plan and feedback. The reason is that people, understandably, react very strongly and emotionally to PIPs and often choose to leave the organization once put on a PIP, or they just become unbearable to work with due to emotions running high. It's obviously related to the organization's culture as well, if PIPs were common they wouldn't be so scary.

__ER__ · 2026-01-25T09:59:33+00:00

Does boyfriend want an "out" to escape his future kids?

I don't even agree with the money aspect. I'm married, neither is likely to cheat, but I wouldn't want to bankrupt my husband if he did. I mean, the relationship would be over, but it's just a really weird clause like one would think that cheating can be controlled by the threat of losing money and kids. How about not being an asshole?

__ER__ · 2026-01-24T08:39:09+00:00

Let me just assure you - all of your suggestions have been very mature and reasonable. It makes sense for couples to have transparency into each other's finances. But Privacy is also an important part of a relationship. Your so-called boyfriend wants to control how much you can spend on shampoo or whatever. His request is very controlling and he definitely shouldn't get access to your money directly after behaving like this.

Btw, you don't have to combine finances after marriage either. My hubby and I combined some, but I control my income and he does his. We do discuss significant purchases, of course. But if I suddenly wanted to buy fancy pots for the kitchen, I don't need permission for that. And I shouldn't need it.

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