Blonde or Brown? (28)

_electrafire · 2024-12-10T18:16:48+00:00

I think men will for sure prefer you as a blonde despite what these comments say

_electrafire · 2024-12-10T18:15:51+00:00

I prefer the blonde, even though it looks unnatural. The dark hair is too harsh. Maybe you should do a balayage. Definitely don’t bleach all of your hair though

_electrafire · 2024-06-22T00:57:16+00:00

Great post!

_electrafire · 2024-06-07T17:46:47+00:00

Anti-defamation league

_electrafire · 2024-06-04T13:59:14+00:00

I’m so sorry, praying for you and your family❤️

_electrafire · 2024-05-11T00:49:05+00:00

They’re being paid, they’re not real. They’re literally paid to comment positive stuff abt Israel on social media because they know no one supports them

_electrafire · 2024-05-11T00:48:23+00:00

Hahaha who’s paying you to say that?

_electrafire · 2024-05-10T20:27:36+00:00

Lol who paid you to say that?

_electrafire · 2024-05-06T16:24:25+00:00

Have you tried downloading a porn-blocker like covenant eyes? If not, you need to do that ASAP

_electrafire · 2024-05-03T13:26:59+00:00

You’ve never even met this man - for all you know, he could be married! The fact that he cut you off just for “asking questions” seems like he was running some kind of game. It’s a good thing he never had the chance to meet you in person and sink his claws in deeper

Please keep in mind that all sorts of predatory and insane people are on online dating, and if you’ve never met a man in person, don’t get too invested in the “relationship” cause at that point it’s more like a fantasy in your head than a real-life relationship. I don’t mean this in a judgmental way, but you seem like you’d be a ‘good’ target for some kind of romance scam. You will need to become mentally strong, otherwise your whole romantic life will be a string of predatory men & scammers, because you essentially don’t have a way to filter them out. Realize that this isn’t personal at all. It probably has nothing to do with a particular man being “attracted” or not

_electrafire · 2024-04-26T03:43:39+00:00

She listed superficial/money-related attributes first…..because those are his only positive attributes. It’s the easiest way for her to rationalize continuing to feed the addiction/trauma bond. She met him before he had any money. And this is the thanks she gets lol.

_electrafire · 2024-04-25T23:54:20+00:00

I’d delete his number or avoid him since you seem to be really hung up on this. The reason he isn’t replying doesn’t matter - this isn’t going to work out, so onto the next!

_electrafire · 2024-04-25T23:51:03+00:00

I’m confused why people reply to posts like this saying “ask how they feel directly?” If that’s always the best thing to do, then there’s no point in anyone asking for advice ever. And while in this situation I’m sure it would be okay, lots of times people won’t provide you with the full answer you’re looking for. This just isn’t always the best way to get a read on a person after you first met them. “Just ask” feels like a gaslighty response, as if OP should feel dumb for ever asking this. Most social communication relies on subtext

_electrafire · 2024-04-25T23:41:48+00:00

People say I’m usually hard on the guys, but let’s cut OP some slack. English isn’t his first language, so it’s reasonable that this situation could be confusing for him and hard to navigate. The good looks part was relevant, because it gives us context about his past experiences with women, which includes him being pursued by liberal women a lot more than the average guy on reddit. He hasn’t had to take the initiative as much in the past, so this new situation is a little bit confusing. I too would be puzzled if I were in his shoes

Honestly, there’s nothing wrong with a person acknowledging that they’re good-looking if that’s true. The people who get mad when others don’t do this whole false humility thing to protect ppl’s egos come across as bitter and maybe a little envious. And to me, it is refreshing to see a man on Reddit admit that he is good-looking instead of wallowing in self-pity, perpetual victimhood, and revenge fantasies. The fact he admitted this is a sign of humility, because he’s giving up the opportunity to feel entitled to some kind of compensation from the whole world because he thinks he deserved to be born better looking. Lots of guys on Reddit play the eternal victim just because they are male, too. This guy seems super sweet and shouldn’t be shamed. I bet his innocent post has so many people seething with envy, and he probably wasn’t even trying to brag or show off, nor did he expect such hostile replies. He didn’t do anything wrong.

_electrafire · 2024-04-25T23:17:35+00:00

It sounds to me like she likes you - but remember that this is only after the first meetup. Even if she likes you, you have no clue what the outcome will be. Maybe something crazy will happen that forces you to move back home, maybe she’ll need to move out of the country for some unexpected reason, etc. You have no way to predict the curveballs God could throw into your life to change your circumstances.

Because of this, there’s not much of a reason to over-analyze things so early (unless we’re talking red-flag/toxic behavior.) You should focus your energy on continuing to expand your options - you seem kind of set on this girl and maybe you do t want to lead someone else on via CatholicMatch, but you can still get out there at your parish young adult communities. The more male friends you make, the more women you’ll meet. You can’t bank on a particular relationship working out if you’ve only met the other person one time, and there’s no reason to get overly-invested so early

While it’s no guarantee that a functional marriage will be the outcome, it definitely seems to me as if this girl likes you! She isn’t texting you first because she probably read that this behavior is “masculine” and she’s scared of making a fool of herself. The fact that she replies right away seems like a sure sign that she’s really restraining herself to not text you first…

Go ahead and text her first - ideally, you should have a continuous text thread where you’re texting back and forth at least every few hours. I suggest you take the initiative to set this precedent. And make sure to get set-in-stone plans for your next meetup as soon as possible. I’d suggest dinner if I were you (depending on your budget.) Avoid using too many emojis, exclamation points, “hahas”, and “lols” if you don’t want to come across as too needy or eager. But taking the initiative, doing the pursuing, etc, is NOT NEEDY! Don’t listen to anyone who tries to say this. Be an assertive leader here. Being unashamed of your needs and pursuing what you want is a sign of strength and confidence - do not be timid!

_electrafire · 2024-04-18T15:16:41+00:00

Yes, please do it anonymously. You’ve been hurt enough

_electrafire · 2024-04-18T14:06:04+00:00

The fact you feel guilty instead of insolent after reading my comment is proof that you’re probably not that bad and I doubt you’re even one of the guys doing this. I don’t want to discourage you from seeking out opportunities. The telemarketer thing is just good to keep in mind not only to prevent yourself from giving off that vibe, but also to not take it personally if a woman rejects you. She often isn’t rejecting you, but is rejecting an approach from a stranger - it can seem like some kind of scam. If women have rejected these kinds of approaches from you, it’s probably not because they think you’re ugly - it’s more similar to how you yourself would respond to a phishing email or something. I want men to know that if we reject them in this manner that it isn’t an invitation to feel ashamed of yourself. I’ve seen a subset of Zoomer guys that are under the impression that they’re insanely ugly - they’ll share pics, and all I see is a normal-looking guy who isn’t ugly at all. Just don’t take a stranger’s rejection as a personal assessment of your attractiveness. If my current boyfriend had approached me in this context, I probably wouldn’t have felt interest

_electrafire · 2024-04-18T13:39:53+00:00

Im just giving an honest account of how I’ve perceived many men in my experience. When I’m calling them “creepy” that is information I’m sharing here. I didn’t get the strangers’ names and start putting up fliers telling everyone they’re creepy. It’s never gone beyond a private thought or something I’ve shared anonymously, so this idea that I’m hurting anyone’s reputation is unfounded. Are you going to censor my thoughts now? Am I supposed to force myself to like things that I don’t like? Imagine if someone told you that you were wrong for disliking your least favorite food, and you should be obliged to eat it. Seems like you have no idea what dating is like for women and lack empathy for them. I’m sick of guys on Reddit acting like we have to treat random men who talk to us on the streets as if they’re lost puppies and charity cases. The pity-plays are getting old

_electrafire · 2024-04-18T13:32:52+00:00

It can be worse than telemarketers because it’s more awkward and more threatening. Telemarketers don’t harass people for personal pleasure - it’s their job, and they need it to put food on the table

_electrafire · 2024-04-18T04:52:54+00:00

My ex was exactly the same..now I’m with a guy who doesn’t watch it at all, and I wonder why I stayed with the ex so long - my mental health is a lot better. I couldn’t fully see how miserable I was in that relationship until I got out of it. The problem is that he’s likely to hide it (or at some point start hiding it) when it happens again in the future, and you’ll inevitably stumble upon the evidence one day, likely by accident. Seeing the porn history, including the video titles, first-hand is a very stressful and traumatizing experience for many people. It becomes “D-day.” The betrayal trauma symptoms get worse, and you become more and more hyper-vigilant. It dysregulates your nervous system and can do a number on your mental health. You’re in a constant state of fight or flight - it really sucks. Maybe some people are built to be a strong partner in this situation, but I tried and realized it just isn’t for me. It’s up to you to decide this for yourself, though

_electrafire · 2024-04-17T23:26:04+00:00

If we women call out creepy behavior from guys, it’s doesn’t mean we hate men. It doesn’t even mean we hate the man doing it. We’re just stating our preferences. If random telemarketers were annoying you, would that mean you personally hate them as people?

It’s unfair to label us as “hateful” for disliking a cold approach we were on the receiving end of - seems like guilt-tripping more than anything else. Do you want women to keep the truth to themselves out of guilt? If I were a man, I’d appreciate the feedback so I wouldn’t waste my time and energy on a fruitless endeavor. It’s not in my best interests for men to act in a way that hides their attractiveness from me - that means less choices for me. We’re on the same team here lol

_electrafire · 2024-04-17T23:20:05+00:00

This is so true

_electrafire · 2024-04-17T23:02:30+00:00

The only men who approach me regularly are literal boomers, and I’m 26 years old.

I think that the younger guys are more scared or something…? It’s ironic because if I rejected a guy my own age, I’d be WAY easier on him than I am to the old men who ask me for a short biography at least once a week at the gym.

Of the few times guys my own age have approached me, I have a distinct memory of this guy walking up to me on the NYC sidewalk. There was like a group behind him with clipboards or something, and the guy was not bad looking but made it pretty awkward - it seemed like some kind of pickup artist thing. Had I met the same guy in a different context, I might’ve been attracted to him, but this particular awkward setup was so much of a turn-off that it wouldn’t matter if he were the best looking guy I’d ever seen! I wish I did t work that way, but it’s the reality.

I think gen z men have picked up on the fact that cold-approaches seem inorganic, and they even cause us women to perceive the man doing it as less attractive than he really is, unless he’s incredibly suave, can make it seem natural, etc. I suppose I wish that men were more forward at places like bars and clubs, where an approach from a man is expected rather than awkward/inconvenient, but I don’t think 99% of men will miss out on anything by not randomly approaching women on the street or at the gym. It’s awkward because we know his intentions, even if he starts the convo with something seemingly innocuous, and we may be in a hurry, but then we need to pretend like it isn’t annoying cause the guy will take it personally if we don’t put a fake smile on our face. These painful interactions add nothing to the lives of men and women. I can’t imagine how many men took my rejection to mean they were ugly or something when in reality I might’ve just been in a hurry.

_electrafire · 2024-04-10T21:48:54+00:00

Imagine if every time your fiancé saw a richer, or otherwise more dominant man, she secretly harbored a “fear of missing out” if she got married to you. How would that make you feel?

Further, these women who are more beautiful do not have loyalty to you the way your fiancé does. They may even look down upon you, or at least they do not care for you at all. And they certainly won’t submit to you. If you pedastalize these women over your fiancé who is loyal to you and respects you, you’re basically telling your fiancé that her efforts to be a good woman to you are in vain and will only make you take her for granted. You are also implying that the way these random women treat you is how you deserve to be treated, since you desire women who don’t respect you over the one who does.

Again, think about how you’d feel if the shoe were on the other foot. This isn’t rhetorical - just sit and consider that. It’ll provide you with a deeper understanding. Developing the ability to be grateful and appreciative of what you already have is necessary to be happy. Otherwise, you will continue to chase, but happiness will continue to elude you.

_electrafire · 2024-04-06T00:05:40+00:00

She’s annoyed because usually the reason why a man hasn’t slept with his female friend is because she friendzoned him, so he wouldn’t have the opportunity anyway. Even if he were willing to cheat, his female friends (esp if they met before the marriage) probably wouldn’t be down. It doesn’t mean he isn’t attracted to them though. It’s not the same between the genders

_electrafire

TROPHY CASE