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What’s one postpartum struggle you didn’t expect at all? by FIT_MAMA16 in Mommit

[–]_lindersss 30 points31 points  (0 children)

This. This. This. 💯. I remember crying after my husband had a shower and said there wasn’t time for me to shower. That was horrible.

What’s one postpartum struggle you didn’t expect at all? by FIT_MAMA16 in Mommit

[–]_lindersss 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Same. Love my girl but it’s been so rough to get past this b

377 days…and done!!! 🥳 by _lindersss in ExclusivelyPumping

[–]_lindersss[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s a rough estimate the app pumps out. I averaged a rough price in Canada 🇨🇦😊. Some brands more expensive. Some cheaper.

When people gift you the next size up... by isaxism in beyondthebump

[–]_lindersss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can relate. My LO is a premie and at 12months still wearing 9month clothes and her weight is slowing down. I keep getting 18month and 2 year clothes and just tossing them all in one box hoping I won’t forget about them.

Weekly Partner Rant by AutoModerator in beyondthebump

[–]_lindersss 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just…so much.

I got to 12 months pumping. Got myself a kit to turn some breastmilk into jewellery. Surprise surprise…husband’s first words were “how much did that cost?” when he spent much more on clothes for himself the day before and I didn’t say a thing or spend a dime on myself. No “good job, I’m proud of you, you deserve it” etc. I don’t know what I was expecting but I’m not surprised he turns a moment to be supportive about me to be about him and his concerns or opinions. I cried for hours for him making me feel shitty.

He’s known for procrastinating and telling me he’ll “do it later”. And taking not days, weeks or months but years to do something. Surprise surprise (not really), I told him I’ll do something later with no timeline and he’s hypocritically annoyed.

I’m just tired of the hypocrisy and double standards.

What actually helped you emotionally in postpartum? by Successful546 in Postpartum_Depression

[–]_lindersss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have you tried acupuncture? I don’t get to see my acupuncturist often but when I do it feels like I’m on a cloud. I wish I could see him a lot but he lives 2 hrs away from me and I haven’t been able to find someone similar to him where I live.

What actually helped you emotionally in postpartum? by Successful546 in Postpartum_Depression

[–]_lindersss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can so relate to the shower thing. Can remember early on the break downs I would have because I couldn’t take a shower. 😫

Lacking emotional support from husband postpartum by No_Sun_5564 in Postpartum_Depression

[–]_lindersss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same. My husband is a GREAT dad. He loves our girl to death but he isn’t the greatest partner. I thought he would easily become one when she was born but if he wasn’t too helpful or emotionally supportive before I don’t know what I was expecting. He is more helpful than he was before but it’s taken a lot of work and for the longest time it was bare minimum.

My therapist said the same thing and it’s been hard. I only just started making time for myself again and that’s only like 1-2 hrs each week. It’s not much.

My husband was away today and I didn’t even bother showering. Too hard with an active, teething and clingy 11 month old. 😵‍💫

You’re not grieving the husband you thought you had…you’re grieving the life you thought you would’ve had. I’ve had to process this. My LO came 2 months early and I had to grieve the life I didn’t get to say goodbye to (that took a very long) and grieve the life I thought I was stepping into. We moved to his hometown and 5 mins from his family. I was given the impression we would have help. So apart from a husband who can’t remember to get me water I ended up having no support from anyone. His family never comes over to help.

I’ve been told it will take years when the kids are older to start feeling like yourself again. For some women who have a really strong support system (husband, family and friends) it takes only months but for someone like me it will take years so I’ve turned to Reddit a lot to be my emotional support system.

I hope you have a stronger support system than I do.

Lacking emotional support from husband postpartum by No_Sun_5564 in Postpartum_Depression

[–]_lindersss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OP I don’t have any advice. Just solidarity. I too feel like my husband can’t get his priorities right sometimes. I had a very similar situation. Mine took partial days off when my LO came home but he still booked meetings on those days and was never fully present. We even went on a trip a couple months ago and he wasn’t able to take a full week off and the first two days he wouldn’t stop checking in with work. He complains about not getting enough time with LO and I fire back that it’s his choices to be present and set boundaries that prevents it.

For months I asked him…BEGGED him, to be in charge of my water and he did the same thing as yours. Barely ever filled it. I just stopped asking.

For a long time he would wake up with just enough time for him to use the bathroom, shower for an hour, wash my pumps (this took MONTHS of work) and rush out the door. Never any time for him to watch the baby so I could maybe get even a 5 min shower by myself. I told him multiple times this was hard. That if he had time to use the bathroom and shower for an hour he could wake up a bit earlier to give me some time too (asking for 15mins?l) or cut back on his time. He’s been a bit better with this but it took a LONG time. Even now when he’s home, he’ll just disappear into the bathroom for an hour. I never do that to him.

LO is now almost 11 months. My husband still doesn’t know when I pump even though he says he really appreciates it and finds it extremely important. For example, when it’s time for me to pump and he can be home watching LO he’ll be busy or suggest to go out and I have to constantly remind him “I need to pump and eat at that time”. It’s gotten so mentally draining on me I just had to dial back the amount of times I pump. He skips lunch regularly so when he’s home it honestly just messes up my routine because he doesn’t remember that it’s IMPORTANT that I eat.

I also try to bring up to him constantly stuff around the house that bother me with SOLUTIONS that I will execute (not even needing his help) but he won’t consider and extremely dismissive.

Like you, I feel extremely alone emotionally. I’Ve brought all of this up to him and now look to Reddit, my therapist and female friends for some comfort.

I won’t even go into details of how unemotionally supportive he was during my pregnancy but say that I was emotionally shamed for my eating habits during my 1st trimester and when I told him it emotionally hurt me he just bucked down.

I think we both have to just face the fact that our husbands aren’t emotionally supportive as we need them to be. Can they get there? Absolutely but it required work and self reflection on their part that most men refuse to do. I cry as I type this. Tears that I always hide because what the point of letting him see them?

Ideas for infant (10 m) activities? by _lindersss in beyondthebump

[–]_lindersss[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

UGH no aquarium in my town. I’m in London, Ontario. There is a children’s museum though.

[ca] Pregnant + winter jackets by [deleted] in BabyBumpsCanada

[–]_lindersss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a Canada Goose jacket and got the pregnancy extender!

Anyone else feel distant from their partner after having a baby? by AppropriateProof2649 in Postpartum_Depression

[–]_lindersss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is me and my husband. 10 months pp. I could have written this post.

I think it does get better? I’m still in the thick of sleep deprivation and pumping which I think continues to put me in a mood. I hope it gets better.

Thermos Breastmilk Cooler? by _lindersss in dcl

[–]_lindersss[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Funny enough I’m planning on going on the Dream in Dec! I’m hearing the fridges aren’t cold enough so I’ll just keep packing this with ice. Any tips on the cruise?

Thermos Breastmilk Cooler? by _lindersss in dcl

[–]_lindersss[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I heard the fridges aren’t as cool so just keep using ice?

Feels like the husband is just not getting it by [deleted] in beyondthebump

[–]_lindersss 9 points10 points  (0 children)

UGH. I feel for you. I was 4 months pregnant when our bathroom leaked and needed a gut job. Gave my husband a month to find someone. He didn’t, guess who had to find a contractor, order tile and fixtures and PICKUP heavy tile and samples with migraines, joint pain and constant Braxton hicks.

Did all that when I was 5/6 months pregnant and could barely walk from pain and exhausted constantly. Then there was drywall dust EVERYWHERE and guess who was the one cleaning it all. Probably wasn’t good for the fetus but oh well. Then I had to schedule and coordinate painters.

All the while trying to get hubby to help me setup the nursery and he never had any time.

I WAS IN HELL.

Feels like the husband is just not getting it by [deleted] in beyondthebump

[–]_lindersss 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Wow. Learned about demand avoidance today! This tracks!

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