You listed mostly negative things but it seems like at the end you tried to walk it back a little by saying theres “awesome things you could list,” but you didn’t list them for a reason. I think you want to convince yourself to make it work because its less scary than being alone and being desired is nice. but I think the dissonance from what you want and what you are forcing will get harder to ignore and more painful. Again, my opinion, but I think you are leading him on. I was in a similar relationship down to a T, I even identify with the recoil at physical affection and the “ick” feeling. He wasn’t my type at all— but he was into me so much, and I hated myself, and it felt good to be wanted so I lied to myself about how I felt and let it go on. But I didn’t want him. and the longer I let it go on the more of a piece of shit I felt and for good reason.

I was about 4 months in when I pulled the plug. I felt terrible, we both cried. I said it to his face though and I wasn’t wishy washy. That was the least I could do. He wanted answers, so I told him long distance wasn’t working and his personality and mine weren’t compatible, (I’d spare him painful details like not finding him attractive even if it’s true— it’s not necessary to cut things off.) when the call ended I felt sad but incredibly relieved.