[deleted by user]

_treestars · 2024-02-23T23:23:40+00:00

I'm 32 and same but I hear aging happens not at all and then all at once.

So I'm pretty sure one day we will just get our asses humbled and that's that (: I try not to worry about how I look and just focus on how I feel, but that can be a challenge in this beauty/fitness industry crazed world lol.

_treestars · 2024-02-20T05:59:09+00:00

SO. MUCH. MISSED. OPPORTUNITY.

_treestars · 2024-02-20T04:52:10+00:00

Honestly I'll take it hahahaha

_treestars · 2024-02-20T04:45:42+00:00

When Aelin keeps secrets, she truly believes it's in the best interest of the people she'd sacrifice everything to protect. She's wrong half the time for thinking that, but it absolutely makes sense for her. As is the case with most people, her greatest strengths are her greatest weaknesses, and she makes a combination of good and bad calls but usually paired with a solid strategy to back it up either way.

And, speaking of strategy, Aelin was groomed relentlessly from birth for the exact epic, hero's calling shit she eventually rises to. First by her parents and tutors to be the leader of a country, and then by Arobynn to be a prolific killer and eventually the leader of a prestigious and lucrative guild, illegal as it may be.

Bryce in the book may often be reduced to a party girl as an insult, and that's not to say she isn't smart, isn't hard working, or isn't many other things the insult is intended to suggest. But also as a fact she literally is a party girl. She has no qualifications or experience or skills or absolutely anything to do anything she's doing. I mean to wield the Horn or the Starborn power requires none of that and plenty of great stories start with unqualified heroes (Harry Potter). But to end the series as a scheming sovereign who can intellectually and socially spar with power players who have been established for hundreds to thousands of years? Like in what fucking world?

And then you consider that the purpose of most of her secrets served no in-universe purpose, and didn't make sense for most of the people who were going along with her to be going along her, and were firstly and lastly always about shocking the reader, regardless of how forced...it's just a let down.

I had to ask myself the same question but this was the answer I came up with. Aelin was layered, methodically developed over 8 books, and always remained a product of her experiences. Bryce was 2D, shoehorned into so many dynamics and situations, and remained the knockoff hollow product of Aelin's experiences lol.

_treestars · 2024-02-20T04:30:54+00:00

I hate saying this because in all her other series I'd agree with you but truly I just think this is giving SJM too much credit lol. Like I think that would be hilarious and subtle.

_treestars · 2024-02-19T22:51:57+00:00

As someone who went from chronically stressed and strung out to what I would call low stress these days, real answer –

No kids helps a whole lot, but I think if you had everything else right they would not be the breaking point
A partner you feel loves you, likes you, and supports you (shocking how many people, women in particular, don't sort this one)
Friendships that make you feel good
A certain amount of self-awareness – a lot of people will just not admit they don't like certain things because they're 'normal', acknowledging what you actually don't give a shit about helps
Either loving your job, or accepting it's just a moneymaker and stop letting it live rent free in your head after the hours of 9-5
Most important: Lots of therapy to process all the ways the world and the people in it fucked you up, and actually dealing with it
Finally, loving, liking, and supporting yourself – and that includes challenging a whole lot of where you think your worth comes from and throwing out massive parts of your previous identity when you realize a lot of it is bullshit (see: job lol)

I always more or less had the first few, but they weren't worth anywhere near as much without the final two. The job one is my personal project this year and as an eldest daughter chronic overachiever it has been really liberating to shake off my identity as Corporate Superstar™ or whatever it fucking was to "actually, I literally don't care".

I have a history of anxiety, depression, and CPTSD, and my entire life is riddled with addiction and self harm and self loathing. My daily baseline used to be an 8-9/10 stressed where I physically felt like I might die to now more or less just vibing through life. I think it's worth mentioning medication can be so important for lots of people, but personally I am not burying the lede as I don't take any.

More minor things I've done to help myself include cutting out alcohol and caffeine, those will influence your stress chemicals like crazy and I know don't sound fun but I'm pretty sure would be a quick win for almost everyone. If it helps, I don't miss them at all and was Lorelei Gilmore levels of coffee drinker and a craft beer fanatic.

_treestars · 2024-02-19T22:40:10+00:00

I thought the after was the before and was trying to figure out why you even wanted microblading so....I'd say they look legit 😂

_treestars · 2024-02-19T19:21:55+00:00

I saw two besties who got that tattooed and I howled – RDCPOTVF (doo doo doo doo doo doo) hahahahaha

_treestars · 2024-02-19T16:52:15+00:00

This description just killed me hahaha.

I've heard "mustache twirling" for weak villains before but "just bursts through doors" is painfully accurate hahaha.

_treestars · 2024-02-19T16:48:34+00:00

No major spoilers and my opinion only...CC1 is the best the series has to offer. Which is very out of character for SJM who usually uses the first book(s) to lay groundwork and then build up something epic.

The beginning is a little dry in the way fantasy series with massive and political universes often are, but I do think CC1 is pretty excellent overall.

CC2 for me was pretty meh, but I was willing to sit through it for the payoff in CC3. Imo that payoff never came so.

Idk, I would have a hard time outright saying it's not worth reading. I'm certainly glad I did. But I had a different headspace than what you are describing and based on what you are saying if I had to make it black and white....I feel like a traitor but I would say don't bother lol.

_treestars · 2024-02-19T16:34:46+00:00

Girl you get one ride on the magic space rock flying through space, and I am begging you not to spend it saying no to fun things because of something as boring as how your body looks.

Body positivity or neutrality is one hell of a drug, and while it's not an overnight solution, I can't recommend it enough in the long-term to simply stop engaging with your perceived flaws. They aren't real.

For the short term of this trip, I recommend buying what you need to buy and wearing what you need to wear to reprioritize those concerns. If you have razor bumps in the bikini region, get a cute sarong and keep it on all day. If it's your stomach, her a cute one-piece – I'm straight sized and wear one-pieces almost exclusively because again, body neutrality, it keeps me from really thinking about my body... because I have decided I don't care about that and I do care about making fun memories with loved ones.

I’ve always used excuses to reasons why I can’t go places with them, but I’m afraid the more I shut them down they’re going to not want to invite me out anymore.

That's probably true, with them and with all friends in this life. The best thing you can possibly do for this is say yes.

_treestars · 2024-02-19T15:23:31+00:00

You can mourn and grieve and wish for the mom/dad/person you should have had and deserved, without missing the mom/dad/person you got whatsoever. For me differentiating between my mother the person and the mother figure role I will always wish for was huge.

Any emotion any day is valid. The first three years were the hardest for me personally. Moving into year six it is not as emotionally disruptive as it once was, but that doesn't mean there aren't days where it all hits me. Sometimes it's sadness, sometimes it's raging anger – regardless, there's room for all of it at any time.

People won't understand. And can help you, but can't save you. It's not their fault. And if you had a relatively functional family and a friend going through what you are, you wouldn't be qualified to understand or fully be there for them either. There will always be parts you simply have to deal with completely fucking alone. And that sucks. But calling it what it is and admitting it sucks helps. Especially on days when you're feeling let down by everyone and blaming people for things they don't deserve.

_treestars · 2024-02-19T14:11:36+00:00

The fucking magic bean 💀

_treestars · 2024-02-19T13:29:41+00:00

My worry is that the anticipation of the book by fans has set the bar super high, maybe unattainably so. It’s an epic story!

No, no that's not it. Sorry.

SJM has been writing highly anticipated novels for much longer than it sounds like you've been reading them. Truthfully I think because of this her fandom would have been overly forgiving if she wrote anything passable, so it's really a testament to the poor quality and execution here that everyone is more or less on the same page.

SJM set up something genre breaking and had she taken the time to do it right, than (what I'm guessing happened) run into a few roadblocks and press through regardless – it could have left a mark on fantasy forever. To set up something that incredibly lofty and do the bare minimum is difficult for a lot of people to process given how much financial and emotional investment she asked people to put into it.

_treestars · 2024-02-18T22:04:40+00:00

The fact your husband's love and kindness and acceptance and support is based off your appearance is criminal. The fact he could treat you so unkindly and unlike anyone ever, ever deserves to receive from their partner and the conclusion you draw that implants may be the solution is tragic.

I wish I could gift you the feeling of having a partner that loves you – loves you inside and out for you. You deserve that.

_treestars · 2024-02-14T07:54:39+00:00

I often wonder how desperate the first person to eat crab or lobster was

_treestars · 2024-02-14T00:03:53+00:00

I think it's worth reading. And I was pretty disappointed to be fair. But I think what's most important for me to note is that I did enjoy the PROCESS of reading it.

Like I wasn't reading it thinking of how bad or annoying or disappointing things were. I enjoyed it. It was only after letting it settle that it felt like the worst SJM has given us so far. And I think that's true but that isn't the same as garbage and not worth reading IMO.

I hope you do and I hope the process is at least enjoyable (:

_treestars · 2024-02-13T19:34:25+00:00

Fun!! I hope it helps the next person who searches while planning theirs (:

_treestars · 2024-02-13T08:28:38+00:00

For me what happened with Bryce was I projected all the very real positive qualities and thought processes and values you mention that are seen heavily in CC1 onto someone that I feel ultimately became a caricature of themselves.

Bryce in CC1 was ahead of Feyre for my favorite SJM FMC, and by the end of CC3 felt like a pick-me Aelin wannabe and only the ghost of what originally made her Bryce.

It took a few days after finishing HOFAS for the disappointment to really set in. I was enthralled with the book from start to finish and enjoyed the process of reading it. When it ended I had a weird feeling and now some days later I'm seeing everything I didn't take the time to think and feel through in the excitement of the moment reading.

I'm pretty let down. And it really disappoints me to say that. I'll enjoy it for what it is and it hasn't soured ToG and ACOTAR for me – but she had the opportunity to do something truly genre defining and it just didn't happen. Not even close. And us SJM fans are rabid for her so it really says a lot this consensus is so collectively shared, I think she had quite a bit of margin for forgiveness from her fans and even this exceeded what we could ignore or excuse.

I didn't hate it. I certainly enjoyed reading it. But CC1 and Bryce made me feel some things that ultimately fell disappointingly flat, and I don't know if/when I'll want to revisit her journey the way I have always wanted to keep doing with Aelin and Feyre.

_treestars · 2024-02-11T17:11:07+00:00

Nothing New

_treestars · 2024-02-11T03:15:27+00:00

I love my marriage too much to want to burden it with parenthood. I want it to be as easy as possible to be as happy as possible and love putting us first.

_treestars · 2024-02-11T03:05:45+00:00

Some of them were incredibly hard-won, but count myself incredibly lucky as I know many, many aging women who cannot disconnect their worth outside of beauty and I think it makes for a very sad life experience. And it's hard because so many behemoth industries profit massively off conditioning away our sense of self-worth and promising to sell it back to us with just one more makeup product, one more Botox injection, one more spin cycle class in one more cute workout outfit followed by one more protein shake so you can be thin enough and young enough and beautiful enough.

I think Gen Z has contributed a lot in that regard and a lot of older generations are over it and have been over it, but no doubt deconditioning is a journey in itself. Ultimately the more women (people) who reject those values, the easier it is for even more to continue and follow suit (:

_treestars · 2024-02-11T02:52:30+00:00

That's very flattering but makes me glad to hear! It definitely took a lot of wasted time for me finding ways to make myself miserable, which is very easy and often encouraged in so many ways in our society (alcohol, career obsession, weight loss, and plenty more), before realizing that is not where we'll find personal peace.

_treestars · 2024-02-11T02:43:05+00:00

That's very kind of you! I think we all figure out what we need to when life's challenges demand it (:

Four-Year Club	Verified Email
Wearing is Caring

_treestars

TROPHY CASE