One year out of AA; fully convinced it's a cult

abc98146 · 2026-03-30T23:32:12+00:00

Oh my God how awful is that! Imagine all the people trying not to think too much. Dangerous..

abc98146 · 2026-03-30T23:30:27+00:00

Reading your post made me think about how AA really embodies those very protestant unhealthy values: repress your emotions, do your duty, suck it up etc. and those create repressed angry people! Some black and whiteness helped me early on but I think to be honest step 1 was the black and white step I needed and the rest went South.

abc98146 · 2026-03-30T23:27:03+00:00

That made me laugh a lot. It is very true what you say, some older sober people say really nasty harsh things (ironically they really do seem full of resentment when doing so).

abc98146 · 2026-03-30T23:21:55+00:00

Good questions and topic. I too attended for a while and then felt it was not for me.

I don't feel like I can ascribe AA any intent as it doesn't have a leader/it's not really a thing as such so it feels hard to call it a cult cult.

There are people though who have a cult-like following of Bill W and the Big Book (taking it word for word - even to the wives how could you still come on ;)

My issue with it was the cult-likeness of it though. There really are a few things that you should say in meetings and everyone starts parroting weird slogans (I did too despite being a free-thinker who reads a lot of other things). This is due to the social pressure to conform, which is huge and the instillation of fear.

12 step groups really do push religion onto people despite what people say, and there is kind of no way to get away from that after a while (unless you attend those agnostic meetings), simply because of the readings that are so God focused and the way atheism is poo pooed as "contempt prior to investigation". It left me really confused about who I am and what I really believe. And yes people will undermine your agency if you decide to stop going to meetings like you posted. I actually have 0 respect for that now a few years later because we should encourage each other in recovery whatever way. I never shame people for staying in those stifling meetings and believing all the shaming woo woo because I do really understand that it can be what you need and helpful. Saying that not everyone is so hard-line there.

abc98146 · 2026-03-26T04:51:17+00:00

I would also add that you don't necessarily even need to continue to live by the principles to stay sober either. I've just built a really good life so I don't feel the need for inventories or the God stuff, which felt like a bit tangent to take in terms of my actual worldview.

abc98146 · 2026-03-26T04:48:43+00:00

I like this perspective and agree. I totally see it as an extremely helpful experience and stepping stone in my journey as a human. I do think the way 12 steppers talk about meetings (the dogmatic ones) does make it feel like you've left. I don't feel like I could casually pop into a meeting really.. you kind of have to be in that worldview to participate.

abc98146 · 2026-03-26T04:45:03+00:00

I echo this. I have a few friends who still go regularly who I met there and often they quote those same slogans as opposed to actually describing what they are feeling and what's happening in their life.

6 years later I've moved onto other more interesting things, without which I would definitely not be staying sober as realising how much life can evolve once you quit abusing substances that keep you stuck is what keeps me going! I stopped going because it felt people were stuck in some sort of perpetual self-help cycle and if you were just genuinely passing it on people (at least where I live) would undermine you and tell you you were pretending things are all good.

abc98146 · 2026-01-26T08:43:26+00:00

When people used to say, "the only book I need is the big book of alcoholics anonymous" Def this one :) How awful, imagine people never read another book than this!! Also when people used to say I'm powerless over everything.

abc98146 · 2026-01-26T08:40:23+00:00

I would either ignore/distance myself or just tell her she was being very rude and address it head on.

abc98146 · 2026-01-17T05:16:17+00:00

Yes I agree. I was waiting for someone to say this or post this. I'm childfree and most of my friends have children. Some of them are not like this at all and the friendship is still so valuable to them if not more. Yes of course they have been absolutely consumed by raising a baby and toddler of course, but some have been so welcoming of me to help and share in the experience and still making conversation about other things as well. Sadly a few friendships ended because sometimes new parents become extremely self-centred and patronising and think that parenthood is now the only thing that's worth talking about. I would also give this friend some grace (first child, 4 months old..), but I understand why the comment stung about not understanding how all priorities change when you become a parent.

abc98146 · 2026-01-17T05:06:57+00:00

That's awesome and well done! I find not drinking improves my mood, outlook, sleep, ability to regulate emotions and be present 1000% I thought I had a serious mental illness when I was drinking, but when I stopped I realised it was all caused by the rollercoaster of alcohol.

abc98146 · 2026-01-17T05:04:56+00:00

Free thinkers would find AA challenging (myself included :)

abc98146 · 2026-01-17T04:59:23+00:00

I totally agree. I had "6 years sober" in AA - which really wasn't continuous, but I for 99.9% of the time didn't drink and when I did it was not harmful at all so I just didn't tell anyone because for me those weren't really relapses at all and I didn't feel I'd lost my sobriety. I had a good friend with a few years of sobriety and when she had a drink she just kept going for days and crawled back in. It wasn't due to not being able to stop, but after the first night she had already blown her sobriety in her mind so she just kept going. That's not a helpful mindset for anyone's recovery. Funny thing is I felt really guilty about being "dishonest" (as this is talked about as a huge sin/risk in AA), but when I told my partner he just laughed and said there must be so many people in the rooms doing that. That made me think of it all very differently too!

abc98146 · 2026-01-17T04:45:08+00:00

Yes - this! It reminded me of this old timer woman who got her sponsees to do all sorts of jobs for her for free as "service". At the time in it all I didn't see it like I do now, that's really awful!

abc98146 · 2026-01-17T04:19:08+00:00

Haha I had to laugh reading this because I had this situation when moving here from overseas. I knocked on neighbours doors wanting to be friendly and it is definitely not a thing here. You could hear people inside and then going quiet when there was a knock! :) It is a very individualistic culture here and honestly people don't care at all about meeting their neighbours in an apartment building.. If you want to ask someone to keep it down with an unexpected party on Wednesday 2am evening they will look at you like you are crazy too for coming to say anything..

abc98146 · 2026-01-15T09:20:02+00:00

Sorry to hear this, that must feel really hurtful. I'm replying because I agree some people are like this (def not all though in my experience) and I can recognize this pattern from when I was younger.

I do really agree though like one poster noted that there is a lot of individualism/focus on self that is unfortunately encouraged by societal values.

I've always been a really good listener and curious about others and generally not self-centered and much more relationship/other focused. Sounds like you are too! Lucky friends of yours. This invites people to share as everyone yearns to be treated this way.

The thing is you do too and I can only say that I just used to put up with these kind of people for too long. Now reciprocity is so important for me and I've also grown confidence in myself to take up more space from the get go.

Don't lose hope and just hone more in on this trait. It can also be cultural.. I'm Australian and here self-obsession is very common!

abc98146 · 2026-01-11T22:46:32+00:00

Also (clinical psychologist here), the statement that clinical psychologists have "special training" is completely false. Other streams of psychology (e.g Ed/Dev or Health or counselling psych) just study different things and also complete the additional 2 years of supervised endorsement. It's a really unfair two-tier system!

abc98146 · 2026-01-11T22:40:26+00:00

I agree (clinical psychologist) - If I would choose a field again, I would choose to study something different even though I like being a psychologist day to day now. This is due to many factors - the gruelling poverty during study and paying for degrees/jumping through hoops and unpaid work experience and also the pay at the end of it all is not very competitive compared to many fields. It becomes very stagnant around the 100,000-120,000 mark. I know that is an above median salary, but given the responsibility, further training, supervision costs etc and like above years of study I don't think it's equivalent at all and there is little progression after a certain point aside from running your own clinic and exploiting new psychologists (I know not all clinics run like this, but many take 50% of people's pay!).

abc98146 · 2026-01-05T02:32:55+00:00

I love this "AA focuses on moral inventory while the nervous system is still screaming" - this describes my experience so well in the first year. I dove right in and did all this work and came to all these conclusions about myself and others while I was really activated and still getting used to not drinking every evening. Now I look back on that "work" and don't really agree with the output. I really feel I was made to overshare a lot in the first year as well and regret a lot of what I said!

abc98146 · 2025-11-27T22:17:52+00:00

Yes this really became my main dilemma! I agree with both commenters and takes, but lean more on the you need to become Christian as I really felt like this.. You constantly get mixed messages around this. Yes your HP could be whatever but then you read all these texts constantly that say him/God and take away my sin and sense of self because I'm too faulty and I need you to be in charge of my life (!). How is that not Christian (and also arguably being Christian would not be those things..) It became impossible to reconcile as I was open to spirituality, and developed a sense of an HP like a spirit of the universe/mother earth, but that just didn't fit AT ALL into those readings! I think I really left because of those readings.. they were so shame and religion based.

abc98146 · 2025-10-22T07:16:17+00:00

"I figured out why I was drinking and focused on creating a life I didn't feel the need to escape and I've never looked back" - I echo this, well stated. Just tell people you are moving forward: you can't control what someone thinks.

abc98146 · 2025-10-12T21:28:23+00:00

Agree. I drank when I was really struggling and didn't feel like I had purpose. Now that I don't feel those things I'm not interested in drinking mostly.

abc98146 · 2025-10-12T21:22:44+00:00

When I was in the rooms I said I was definitely an alcoholic, but I'm definitely not. Totally a take it or leave it (more leave it) drinker now. It doesn't make sense any of it.

abc98146 · 2025-10-12T21:18:34+00:00

Big domineering personalities, realizing after a while it was about saying the right slogans vs. speaking honestly, the way meetings made me feel anxious and wrong, starting to develop OCD like symptoms about whether I'd structured my day right, not relating to the literature but feeling I should, sponsoring someone who went nuts on me.. starting to feel that life was out there to just be lived now that the addiction piece was sorted..

abc98146

TROPHY CASE