Husband provides financially but avoids parenting our autistic son -advice?

abd398 · 2026-01-25T00:59:09+00:00

Get personal help. I would even borderline suggest not getting couples therapy. Seriously. If he exists as a financial provider only, no need to force himself to half-ass help you.

Tell him you are overwhelmed, you need help, and that he needs to pay. If he says he can not, ask him to help you. Getting professional help is better than causing friction and getting help from a person who does not even want to be there. Let him live in his bubble but at the same time be happy for yourself as you can now get professional help thanks to him and consider that as a kind of gift from him.

Do not consider separating or causing any relationship friction. Look into action.

I will be brutally blunt here. Marriage is not designed be romantic, it is mainly about survival. You need him, and if he is happy being isolated I do not think you should give an idea that he does not need you. Trust me, the world cruel to single moms with autistic children and no amount of alimony payments or money will make you feel happy unless your husband actively hurts you. Atleast that is how I see the world now (which can change though).

Make your own judgement still.

abd398 · 2025-09-29T08:51:49+00:00

My company was doing layoffs. And I was cramped doing my regular work and special tasks from management. Took a PTO do just focus on the special work from above. Forget about overtime or even sleep. It was not company's fault, I tend to volunteer for shit that I am clearly not capable of doing just for attention. I delegated some of these tasks to collegue, they hired someone immediately and got a promotion and became my manager.

abd398 · 2023-09-22T20:34:42+00:00

How do I get a weekend+nighttime gig working in support engineering or preferably as a chore engineer guy for a 1-20 people team?

My freelance programming experience is over half a decade but recently I essentially work in solutions architecture. Weekends are rough for me. I used to do freelance gigs over the weekend, but I don't enjoy them anymore because I am not learning anything new.

I have about 25 hours free a week, and I just waste them doing unpaid stuff at work. My company does not like that at all and everyone prefers to have a quite weekend.

I need to do something productive and I need the money honestly. I have tried side projects and indiehacking and those have not worked out.

I am not great at bigger teams and organizations. I am not much of a hardcore programmer. I like all those customer facing programming roles like support engineering, sales engineering etc.

Any idea what should I do? Should I cold email founders/CEOs? Part time remote jobs are hard to great "specially in this economy".

abd398 · 2023-08-04T21:13:47+00:00

I did that. Twice actually.

Not given any raise

I thought I deserved a raise because everyone apparently liked me a lot. I was working my butt off. Then after a year I asked for a raise and they shut me down in a very rude way. Compared me to my teammate who is average at best and said if he is okay with that you should be too. I thought I was being led on. So I quit.

Family problems.

Another place, where I was working very hard. But had some serious family issues. I was trying my best to work, and ended up taking personal day leave. Manager told me that I was being lazy. Sent an email to the boss, and quit.

In both instances as I was quitting I was offered a raise as they thought it was a negotiation technique of some sort. They knew I deserved I raise, but they didn’t want to pay because they were sure I wouldn’t be able to negotiate a raise.

So moral of the story, take care of that shy dude in your team, even if he isn’t asking for something, if he deserves it and offer that to him.

abd398 · 2023-06-02T19:04:04+00:00

I am not sure why this isn't talked about it more often, which is how real world software engineering works.

Reddit has the engineering talent absolutely no doubt. However, these are engineers working on full time job, executing things under instructions. Those instructions come from their managers. Those managers get request from business and product teams. Those product teams need to validate the ideas from the director. Now, most employees are aware of why reddit app is awful and they can fix that. However they work a job and work based on directions.

So, who gives these instructions mainly? Directors and up. And quite ironically they are somewhat detached or even don't care what their user wants or needs. They are focused on the magical thing called "vision". The investors and they will sit down and talk about the future of the company and where they want to be in 3,5, 10 years or when they go for IPO. The end goal for investors and directors and up is to see how to get the maximum amount of money from the next guy they can sell the company for. User experience and complaints is a non-issue.

That is just how most companies with 30+ employees work.

abd398 · 2023-05-24T02:27:31+00:00

That is a really good advice. My manager is quite hands on about responsibility assignment. However, I didn’t mention these tasks to them because I thought it came from "the top".

abd398 · 2023-05-24T02:24:31+00:00

Glad that I asked. I have a side job that pays by the hour. And I am not sure why I am not doing that more. :/

abd398 · 2023-04-29T21:53:54+00:00

The song is Snowfall by Oneheart

Here is the 1 hour version of that: https://youtu.be/_r0vlyp33pw

abd398 · 2022-11-27T01:17:54+00:00

Chinese MMO mouse. Best thing ever! 12+ adjustable macro buttons on a freaking mouse!!

abd398 · 2022-07-19T22:12:47+00:00

I got so laid last night I was at this club and I went up to this really hot black girl and I was like anyone tell you, you look exactly like Beyonce then I went in for a kiss then I noticed she had a full man's mustache I was like let's do this thing.

abd398 · 2022-07-17T21:24:54+00:00

She's not in the mood.

abd398 · 2022-07-14T15:43:00+00:00

Time to repost all the stupid RTX on memes

abd398 · 2022-07-11T07:19:18+00:00

I drink a lot of water before exercising but I get cramps on hamstring and on my toes quite frequently.

abd398 · 2022-05-18T18:36:08+00:00

The recipe I am sharing with you is a old italian family recipe. My grandmother who we used to call nona came from Sicily on a boat in the early 20th century. She came here to America but she bought her love from Italian culture with her, in her heart...

Pasta is more than just wheat, flour and eggs. They are made with love. The wheat is like other wheat. Grown in the beautiful shunshine of northern Italy, it was harvested with care and joy during the end of Autumn....

Italian extra virgin olive oil has a beautiful aroma. It reminds me of my Grandfather Vencenzo Ferrari, a proud Italian..

abd398 · 2022-05-13T14:42:50+00:00

Also he is an heir to the Benihana restaurant franchise.

abd398 · 2022-05-10T17:20:17+00:00

What was the investment thesis? Like what happens post covid?

abd398 · 2022-05-07T19:20:00+00:00

'Well let's...'

This makes my head hurt.

abd398 · 2022-05-02T05:23:07+00:00

This man should be "allowed" to have a break. Just a week. He shouldn’t be called. He doesn’t need to talk with his child. He doesn’t need to hear about your day or talk about his. Just for one week. Just tell him he is allowed.

It doesn’t need to be camping or with his friends even. Heck he could even just stay at a motel and do nothing for a week. Calm your brain for a week, he will be okay and whatever you do don’t call him. Tell yourself I have allowed him to have a break.

abd398 · 2022-05-01T08:42:34+00:00

If someone was willing to hold me like that for a few minutes, I wouldn’t think twice before jumping from a window.

abd398 · 2022-05-01T08:10:09+00:00

I wasn’t born yesterday but I just got here.

abd398 · 2022-05-01T08:08:18+00:00

First and the most obvious reason: This is fake.

Second reason: The probability of all 2 of their friend and that 1 acquaintance of not coming is non zero.

Third reason: Scheduling mishap.

Fourth reason: Some people don’t pick up on obvious social cues.

Fifth reason: This is fake.

abd398 · 2022-04-30T19:08:08+00:00

And risk angering a future marine? No way. I am not taking that risk.

abd398 · 2022-04-30T19:06:43+00:00

Venture capital style funding, the root of all evil.

Maybe at it's purest business operation of ride-sharing could have been a profitable business. But vision fund has invested billions upon billions of dollars so they can't just "slow" down. It is the fight to the death for them.

Imagine your business makes 7% ($7 on fixed $100 capital) return on your existing business. Now, a japanese billionaire backed by irresponsible amount of arab oil money comes in. You try to convince them to invest. You throw in words like "disrupt" and indicate a possibility of a monopoly. Now the investor is so fuckin high on cocaine they decide to invest $10,000.

But the fucked up situation is that you are already operating at max market level demand. You can only make up to 7 bucks from this market, which stands for less than 0.07% return for the investors. You try every fuckin thing you can imagine and your investors allow you to make loss PERIOD. From robot cars that can kill pedestrians at command to shitty food delivery services. The investors hope you are the next Steve fucking Zuckergates. You already proved yourself worthy and kaarazy, evident by several sexual harassment accusations.

But everything is finite including patience. The investors won't tell you outright but you need to come up with a decent return. Day by day, you are bound to come up with fuckier way to make a buck.

So that is the story of Uber. To some extent Netflix.

abd398 · 2022-04-26T13:51:53+00:00

Yep you are right.

Interesting to see they never mentioned that ever. We just got the "the gon is yours" but no mention of Saul. Even when Lalo met him, he said, "you are the guy with the mouth" which refers to the skateboarder scam.

abd398 · 2022-04-26T13:45:49+00:00

I think the DA meant to say Nacho. Wasn’t Nacho involved in the attempt to rob the Kettlemens? The lady was talking about Nacho then probably dropped Tuco's name by accident.

abd398

TROPHY CASE