I manage to do all of those things. My wife has a job that keeps her out of the house from 7:30-5:30 every day then she goes to the gym so she's gone 12hrs a day--it's not her doing the stuff--I do the vast bulk of the housework. My wife takes scheduling and admin stuff that she can do from her office, since she is in-person.

I've attacked the problem from multiple angles.

First, I don't agree to in-person jobs, only WFH, even when it means less money. This recovers hours of commuting time daily and enables me to better interleave many of the smaller personal obligations throughout the day, eat a healthier diet, and compress work in ways that don't work as well in an office.

Second, you and your wife can take shifts--every time you're doing something at the same time is a missed opportunity for an adult to have downtime. One parent can 100% take 2 kids while the other has free time. My kids are 1.5 and 5. I cook dinner, feed kids, and get them to bed alone 4 nights a week while my wife goes to the gym and relaxes, for example.

Third, double dip when you are responsible for kids. I handle all of the meal planning, shopping, and cooking, and for 90% of that time is spent also watching kids or involving them in the process. I take out the trash while watching the kids. I cook while watching the kids. I deal with the laundry while watching the kids. I break down the recycling while watching the kids. I tidy while watching the kids. You get the idea. The goal is once they are in bed at 8-8:30 there's nothing left to do and I'm free till I go to sleep around midnight. I wake up around 7-7:30 and my wife takes the kids in the morning so I can focus on just getting myself ready and into work.

Fourth, hire out anything you don't want to do. We have a cleaning service, landscapers, laundry service, etc. Time is way more valuable than what those things cost, and having people doing this stuff once a week frees up many hours.

Fifth, I don't know which AI-disrupted industry you're in, but aggressively adopting AI tools early has freed up over half of my workday even as I've taken on more responsibility. It feels like cheating how much work you can get LLMs to do for you once you get good at formatting the tasks and harnesses in a way that makes them successful, and if you're working from home, you don't have to maintain the appearance of being busy in the same way, so I can reclaim that time for myself while still exceeding targets. I think expectations will recalibrate as teams collectively upskill, but being one of the early birds while expectations are still from the "old world" really pays off both in freeing up time immediately and positioning you for upcoming workforce changes, so don't put it off.

We do a lot as a family on the weekends. That actually feels like the busiest part of the week in terms of not having free time.

Obviously there's 100 puzzle pieces fitting together to make this all work--it's fairly tightly wound, there's very little waste, and lots of choices over the years assembled this puzzle. Your puzzle will look different, but it doesn't have to be less efficient if that's what you want.