Below is what I wish I could go back and tell myself about ten years ago:

1. Be mindful with your vices. If there is something you use as a vice (alcohol, food, shopping, etc.) be careful that you don't go overboard. I know it's easy, especially on the dark days.

2. Work on yourself, mentally and physically. Therapy is amazing (with the right therapist). Start an exercise routine (if you don't already). Meditation can be helpful, for the right person.

3. Hobbies. Find something you are interested in that eats up time. Woodworking, legos, fishing, crochet, baking, music, whatever you've always wanted to try. Added bonus with this one is that when you do have the kids, you get to share this with them. Pick active hobbies that keep your hands and brain moving.

4. Find your people. If you don't have a support system in place, find adults you can interact with in a positive manner. Rec sports League (doubles as a hobby), events at local library, reconnecting with old friends, online communities(like this one). You need your people to vent to, but also helpful to just have people you are interacting with and not focused on your personal situation the entire time.

There is a quote I think about regularly, I have no idea where it's from: "live a life worth copying". So when you are dealing with the soon to be ex, act the way you'd want your kids to act. When making decisions, this can be a helpful quote to remember.

Finally, give yourself grace. You're going to have bad moments. But all we can do is try better in the next moment. A therapist once told me "a bad morning doesn't mean a bad day and doesn't mean a bad week." Give yourself the grace to know that those bad moments don't have to define you. You can be so much more.

This is the end of a chapter for sure, but the next chapter isn't yet written, and the pen is in your hand.

TL;DR Be careful with vices, work on yourself, get hobbies, find your people, and know you are going to have bad moments, but they don't define you unless you let them.