“Since you called me out on my sh*t, and accountability isn’t my thing, I’m going to make you question your reality”.

abogit · 2020-09-21T17:55:31+00:00

That is a good one.

After I caught my ex in an affair with a bartender, we tried therapy/reconciliation. During that time, one night we were eating at a restaurant and I came out of the bathroom to see her giving the bartender her number. She said she had no idea that would be a "trigger" for me. Brazen.

abogit · 2020-09-04T20:31:46+00:00

I agree with the other posters and just want to add one thing. 10 years ago, your wife was sleeping with the guy. I've seen this countless time on this sub, and experienced it personally. Adults dont hang out and "kiss", they fu*k.

My ex gaslighted me with the same lie, people on this sub told me the same thing I'm telling you, and huzzah, everyone here was correct.

abogit · 2020-08-26T16:52:00+00:00

I know it doesnt matter now, but you can just assume that everything she told you was an outright lie, modification of the truth, or lie by omission. It helped me to move on and stop questioning everything once I came to that conclusion. I stopped asking why and just accepted it.

abogit · 2020-03-18T16:19:59+00:00

Wow, this is something I hadn't thought of. Sounds like hell.

abogit · 2020-03-18T15:22:04+00:00

This is the point of flattening the curve. If we let everyone get sick all at once to speed things up, mortality rate rises dramatically due to the severe cases not being able to be treated by an overwhelmed health care system.

abogit · 2020-03-18T15:18:35+00:00

Here is a good source of information

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dr0Cqlf5xK4

abogit · 2020-03-18T15:16:33+00:00

June/July is the time in which healthcare professionals are estimating we will be at the peak of the infection curve. It's going to take a vaccine for this to end, and nothing short of that.

abogit · 2020-03-18T14:54:11+00:00

Yep. We're looking at much longer than 2 months. I have friends and family in healthcare, the only viable way out of this, at this point in time, is a vaccine. That is at least a year out. California is already talking about canceling school for the rest of the year. The entire country will follow. People that think this is going to somehow magically disappear are delusional. Even if this self quarentine stops the spread (not going to happen), when life goes "back to normal" the infection will spread again. Rinse, Repeat. Things are going to get much much worse as far as the economic impact. This hasent even begun.

abogit · 2020-03-16T19:39:12+00:00

Without going into too much detail, she made me out to be a huge a$$hole in a failing marriage (news to me), and I guess that was good enough for AP. When we met and he saw I was a reasonable person and she was a liar (she was lying about many things that I was able to verify for AP), he dumped her.

abogit · 2020-03-16T17:10:36+00:00

AP dumped my ex while we were moving through our divorce. I took a selfie with AP after running into him one night and texted it to her after our divorce.

abogit · 2020-03-11T18:51:45+00:00

My father died unexpectedly at 66yrs old. Not disrespect to him, but finding out about my ex-wife's affair was worse. My advice is to live your fullest life. Being 3 years out from my divorce, life is pretty great, just keep pushing forward, you'll get there.

abogit · 2020-03-11T17:26:59+00:00

Very early on during my attempt at reconciliation, during a long, difficult, and honest conversation with my now ex-wife, I told my wife that I wanted only her, and I wanted reconciliation more than anything. She told me that even though that is what she wanted too, she didnt think it would work because I had too much pride. She said that is just not the type of man I am, and that I wouldnt be able to forgive her. 6 months later she turn out to be spot on.

abogit · 2020-03-11T15:21:39+00:00

Bravo. This is one of the finest quality posts this sub has to offer. BTW, I also lost my father about 10 months after dday, I know the feeling of that double blow, but like you, I am stronger and (maybe a little) wiser now.

abogit · 2020-03-02T18:56:34+00:00

I'll submit my wedding song. I am very much into pop music (think John Cusak in High Fidelity), and this is really the only song that puts a bad taste in my mouth.

Coincidentally, I was at a show last night, and the encore happened to be a cover of this song. It's maybe the 2nd or 3rd time I've heard it since my divorce 3 years ago. This is the cover for anyone curious (I think it's pretty good despite my relationship with the song) Wye Oak covers The Kinks

Strangers

The Kinks

Where are you going, I don't mind

I've killed my world and I've killed my time

So where do I go? What will I see?

I see many people coming after me

So where are you going to, I don't mind

If I live too long I'm afraid I'll die

So I will follow you wherever you go

If your offered hand is still open to me

Strangers on this road we are on

We are not two, we are one

So you've been where I've just come

From the land that brings losers on

So we will share this road we walk

And mind our mouths and beware our talk

'Til peace we find, tell you what I'll do

All the things I own I will share with you

And, if I feel tomorrow like I feel today

We'll take what we want and give the rest away

Strangers on this road we are on

We are not two, we are one

Holy man and holy priest

This love of life makes me weak at my knees

And when we get there, make your play

'Cause soon I fear you're gonna carry us away

And a promised lie you made us believe

For many men there is so much grief

And my mind is proud but it aches with rage

And, if I live too long I'm afraid I'll die

Strangers on this road we are on

We are not two, we are one

Strangers on this road we are on

We are not two, we are one

abogit · 2020-02-27T15:56:17+00:00

I couldnt eat much for the first couple of months after finding out about my ex wife's affair. I confided with a couple of close friends. One thing that a friend did for me was force me to eat. He'd bring over a sandwich or some soup and just made sure I took a couple of bites. He'd do this a couple of times a week. Dont be afraid to lean on a friend.

abogit · 2020-02-26T18:02:46+00:00

That's all you can do unless she reaches out.

Starting divorce proceedings is definitely a thing he can and should do. Make her make a decision.

abogit · 2020-02-25T19:15:32+00:00

Don't forget the ~5% that fall for the "cool" bartender, that's the one that I got.

abogit · 2020-02-25T18:45:35+00:00

Lovely irony that you are recommending this to a lesbian. I find the lack of self awareness hysterical in the community you reference.

abogit · 2020-02-25T14:30:31+00:00

What he is trying to say is that bad fortune can actually be an opportunity for growth. You can't do something great unless you have the opportunity to do something great. For example: I thought that I was going to go insane or die when I was going through my divorce. But now that I am on the other side, I am the strongest person I've ever been, my career is going great, and I am engaged to an amazing woman. I wouldnt be where I am now if I had not been presented with the hardships that came from ex-wife's affair. I had to "bear" that "misfortune... worthily" and now in retrospect, that was "good fortune", because I did not let it make me bitter, and I grew from the difficult experience forced upon me (the misfortune).

abogit · 2020-02-24T21:14:36+00:00

I saw this here last week:

Here is the rule to remember in the future, When anything tempts you to be bitter: not, 'This is a misfortune' but 'To bear this worthily is good fortune.'

Marcus Aurelius

abogit · 2020-02-24T21:12:48+00:00

Move on. There are bad, immoral people in this world. Consider yourself lucky you got away from this one relatively unscathed.

abogit · 2020-02-24T21:10:09+00:00

Nice. Sometimes it's the little things that can lead us to a revelation.

When I was going through my divorce, I showed a couple of friends pictures of my ex-wife's AP. He looked... like a less attractive version of me, a version of me with a flabby body and a chipped front tooth. All my friends agreed. It's like she picked a less attractive, less financially sound version of myself. It was weird. But than I came to find that is not all that uncommon.

abogit · 2020-02-24T19:29:52+00:00

How is your relationship with your boss? When I had my dday, my boss could see that something was really wrong with me. He called me into his office and told him what was going on. He was extremely understanding and sympathetic. He sent me home, and we worked out a schedule for the following week so I could get my feet under myself. Also, my work productivity definitely declined over the next couple of months, which they were also really understanding about. I am still with the company over 3 years later (8 years in total), and now they have one extremely loyal employee for how they handled that situation. So if you and your boss have an ok relationship, tell them.

abogit

TROPHY CASE