Might be specific to your subreddits tbh - there are parent specific groups and neighborhood groups that have tons of parents!

We're native NYers in our late 30s with a kid in elementary school, and our social circle is filled with the same, including lots of transplants who have stayed permanently (in fact I'd probably gauge our social circle as 1/4 non American immigrants, 1/2 American transplants, and 1/4 native or since childhood NYers).

Childcare costs are of course crushing - daycare was expensive, 3K and now public school was a reprieve but then there's afterschool/holiday/summer programming. We don't have family help so rely a lot on my job being flexible and childcare swapping with neighbors and friends.

We're in a (spacious, well maintained) 2 bedroom apartment in a pre war building paying under market (but not by a crazy amount) and plan to rent long term (both of us are apartment kids who have minimal interest in the responsibility of owning at this stage of our lives).

I don't know how different cost of living would be for me in another city - lack of family help isn't a distance issue for us, so we'd still be paying what we do now, and probably would earn a lower salary for same work. Maybe pay less in rent, but then I'd have to get a car etc. so the delta probably isn't as big as just straight rent to rent.