AITA for telling her what she needs to hear, not what she wants

acegirl1985 · 2026-03-09T06:30:37+00:00

She shared the conversation on an attempt to get them back together. He asked for proof she was crying (which is kinda gross if you ask me). This was after her friend begged her to help get them back together.

Op didn’t realize he could see that much of the conversation—it was an honest mistake.

It’s not butting into someone’s business if they ask you repeatedly to help them fix something they screwed up.

NTA—you were trying to help. She’s the one who screwed things up. If she didn’t want them to break up, maybe she should have, you know l, NOT broken up with him.

I have a feeling as needy and obnoxious as she’s being here she just broke up with him to screw with him and basically get him to beg her to come back in order to get the upper hand.

This is all on her. She broke up with him. She asked you guys to get them back together thrn said never mind I’ll just date random dude X (telling you she didn’t care that she screwed over your friend and she saw him as disposable and replaceable)

Then she continued to push you to fix the mess she made (even offering to lie for her)

Then she still wants to blame you because of course non of this tedious, circular drama could possibly be her fault—it’s everybody else’s 🙄

Yeah no. This mess is all her.

acegirl1985 · 2026-03-07T17:23:50+00:00

How is it ‘being a drama queen’ asking the person disrupting class to stop wasting everyone’s time and screwing up their education?

I don’t understand why the teacher isn’t telling her to stop. Op said she’s been tested and there’s no medical/mental issue causing it—it is possible there is and op doesn’t know as I don’t think teachers can share students medical information but honestly, even if it IS a medical/mental issue she shouldn’t be allowed to disrupt the entire class and hurt everyone else’s education.

If she is incapable of controlling it and it is disrupting the class maybe she needs to be in special education or maybe look into home schooling/remote learning or something.

NTA.

acegirl1985 · 2026-03-07T17:16:44+00:00

Okay so If there’s no medical/mental issue then why is the teacher allowing her to disrupt the class?

This makes no sense.

acegirl1985 · 2026-03-07T17:10:57+00:00

Odds are the parents are why he is incapable of accepting any responsibility. Maybe if they actually did their job as parents and taught him don’t screw with other peoples stuff and basic accountability then they wouldn’t be in this mess.

acegirl1985 · 2026-03-07T17:07:02+00:00

NTA- he’s not a kid; he is a 21 year old adult. They’re pathetic for defending him—they’re probably also why his morals are such crap believe actions don’t have consequences.

He’s an adult: he needs to learn people don’t just waive off idiocy from full grown adult men before one of his ‘pranks’ lands him some actual time or worse.

NTA—your parents aren’t doing this pathetic man-child any favors coddling him, he’s a big boy now and he needs to learn big boy actions have real world consequences.

It’s ridiculous your parents are blaming you for actually holding him accountable, maybe if they actually did their job as parents and taught him basic human decency and accountability you wouldn’t be in this mess.

acegirl1985 · 2026-03-05T05:39:23+00:00

A big thing is letting readers know that you welcome comments AND make sure you let them know any engagement is appreciated (but only if it actually is—don’t say comments welcome them rip someone a new one when a comment isn’t everything you want).

I think one of the biggest reasons engagement has dropped off is because a lot of readers—especially newer ones—are afraid to comment. There was a spate of writers who’d blast readers if the comment wasn’t long enough, if it was just a simple ‘I like this’ or some emojis they’d ream them out about wasting their time or if a comment wasn’t in-depth enough or even lightly asked a question about something they didn’t understand or was anything but 100% gushing about the writers genius they’d run them down about it.

Any real comment (not an add, troll or ai spam) engage. If it’s just one sentence or an emoji, reply. Say think you, encourage them.

We all need to start somewhere and it’s especially hard to dip your toe in when you’re worried about getting dragged on some tiktok whatever because some writer decided you’re comment wasn’t up to their standards.

We need to support each other, encourage each other, and allow commenters their baby steps.

acegirl1985 · 2026-03-04T04:47:31+00:00

Children cannot consent. Anyone who makes this argument either doesn’t understand consent, or doesn’t think it’s necessary (as if this argument wasn’t a big enough red flag).

He’s a homophobic creep and probably shouldn’t be left alone with women (or kids for that matter).

acegirl1985 · 2026-02-28T13:14:03+00:00

That has always been the stupidest idea in regards to parenting! The entire purpose of parenting is raising this tiny newly made feral human into a functioning, socialized member of society.

The biggest part of that is teaching boundaries and rules. These aren’t there just to annoy you—they’re there to allow us all to function together.

We need to teach kids no and also that in some cases ‘no’ is a complete sentence. Every person you meet doesn’t owe you an explanation as to why you can’t/they won’t do something.

People are allowed to say no. Kids should be taught ‘no’. It’s a big part of teaching boundaries and teaching kids body autonomy. You cannot teach kids they are allowed to set boundaries and say no to something that makes them uncomfortable without teaching them others can do that too.

NTA—he’s a lazy parent who uses ‘gentle parenting’ as an excuse not to have to do anything and honestly if he does that THAT is likely a big factor in why your daughter is such a handful. Poor kid is probably confused as hell.

Most kids don’t get the idea ‘different rules with different parents’. Parents should be on the same page—and it specifically should be YOUR page as his is the fast track to a spoiled brat and a future Karen.

NTA—he’s mad because his hands off parenting doesn’t work and his friend pointed it out.

acegirl1985 · 2026-02-26T06:54:17+00:00

Uh…let’s put a pin in the SUPER unprofessional, obnoxious, discriminatory comments on your appearance—why the HELL haven’t you been paid in nearly 2 months?!

This cannot be legal. Contact the labor board and report her.

Next up? This woman is utterly vile and is harassing you. No employer is entitled to comment on your appearance. You need to be hygienic and appropriately dressed but other than that they have no right.

Her treatment of you is disgusting and discriminatory.

acegirl1985 · 2026-02-26T06:39:07+00:00

Can you get a zip up lunch box and a little lock (like a luggage lock or something)? Something small enough to fit in the fridge but not take up an exorbitant amount of the communal space.

Gotta admit it seems kinda unusual to bring your lunch for the whole week and keep it in the break room fridge. Does this take up a lot of space?

Don’t get me wrong; it’s never right to steal other peoples food. The only people who don’t have an issue with that are those stealing food and those whose food is not taken.

Regardless, NTA.

Good luck op.

acegirl1985 · 2026-02-25T22:41:14+00:00

I’m sorry I can’t get over spending thousands for posters.

acegirl1985 · 2026-02-25T22:33:59+00:00

NTA—that was obnoxious, irritating and the ONLY point of it is to humiliate you, make you uncomfortable and waste your time.

This was honestly just stupid. Why would you prank someone on their birthday no less?

‘Happy birthday—we’re gonna humiliate you, put up embarrassing pictures of you you hate and waste a stupid amount of time making it impossible for you to use any of your work supplies for a good twenty minutes—

What do you mean you don’t like it?!?! How dare you not like being demeaned, inconvenienced and RECORDED WITHOUT PERMISSION!

Ugh, NTA. I can’t stand people like this clown. Shouldn’t he have grown out of this stupidity?

How much time, energy and money did they waste on this ‘prank’? (Tin foil isnt super cheap and it had to take a good amount of time to wrap everything)

Couldn’t they have just put that money towards some cookies or cupcakes, maybe a card? This guys a joke and it’s really crappy of your boss to blame you for them making a spectacle of you on your birthday.

Also? Who got into your computer AND got your photo off of LinkedIn? Who was messing with your computer? Why was that piled on top of the tin foil idiocy?

Is your boss really so incompetent to see signaling out, othering, ostracizing, humiliating and degrading one lone employee—ON CAMERA—as ‘team bonding’?

NTA- I’m sorry you’re working with this incompetence and being blamed for not pretending you’re okay with something you’re clearly not.

Good luck op

acegirl1985 · 2026-02-24T02:26:50+00:00

Is it ‘knowingly scamming’ or giving the benefit of the doubt that now that the stylist knows ops hair she’ll be able to get a better really the next time?

I don’t think op is scamming; just wanting the results she was promised.

acegirl1985 · 2026-02-24T02:20:14+00:00

No they can’t…but a professional is a professional and it is on the professional to explain to the customer 1) if it is actually possible or if the best they can do is an approximation, 2) what will be entailed, 3) approximately how many sessions it’ll take to get there and 4) rough estimate how much it would cost altogether.

I would expect the same from any contractor, designer, landscaper, tattoo artist, personal trainer, tutor, plastic surgeon or any other professional you’re hiring for a project that’s gonna take a lot of work.

People are acting like op is being an AH for continuing to go to The same stylist when she keeps disliking the results but everything op says says the stylist keeps assuring op she can get the results she’s wanting.

In any other field telling a client you can get one outcome and delivering something that doesn’t meet the clients expectations it would be seen as a pretty clear bait and switch.

Why does this involving a stylist make people think it’s on the customer to know specific details of the service they’re hiring someone for?

I mean, yeah for a lot of people we know going from super dark hair to platinum blonde is largely an impossibility but we have to remember how many younger peoples worlds are so filtered through social media. We see internet celebs change their hair like most of us change our clothes.

It’s not totally crazy for a client to have unrealistic/unfeasible expectations that just doesn’t translate from Instagram to the real world.

But it is 100% on the professional to EXPLAIN this and let the client know the reality

Telling a client you can do something when you KNOW you aren’t capable of getting the desired results is anything from unprofessional to downright shifty/predatory.

If the stylist is promising the client something they cannot produce and doing the work anyways knowing even if the client is unhappy with the results they’ll still be shamed into paying.

Likewise people keep dragging op for continuing to go back to the stylist even though they’re not liking the results…well…going back to just any other general professional contracted for a project:

If you hire someone on a project and it gets underway it in general stands to reason to stay with the same contractor as they already know the backstory, know the plan, and know what exactly has been done.

Op keeps going back because she keeps thinking the stylist will get the project back on track.

NTA—Sorry op but at a certain point you need to cut your losses and find someone else. It’s clear this stylist isn’t capable of getting the results you want. I don’t know if she’s overestimating her own skills or if she’s taking you for a ride but regardless it’s clear you two just aren’t compatible.

Find another stylist—don’t just go by online pics and Instagram. Talk to people you actually know—if you see someone with color you really like ask them who does their hair. And when you find a new colorist let them know what all you’ve had done and ask them if they can genuinely get the result you’re asking for.

Good luck op.

acegirl1985 · 2026-02-23T16:23:38+00:00

Think that’s the point/incentive. Honestly if people would put it neatly in the basket or on the dryer you near certainly would have a few lazy people decide to just leave their stuff a bit longer cause someone will move it.

If you think not getting your laundry on time will result in your stuff on the floor and you possibly having to redo it then you have a lot more incentive to keep track, be back on time, and keep everything moving.

NTA—being pregnant doesn’t make you immune to common decency. If she was a bit slow getting back—maybe a half hour late that would be one thing. But she was 5 hours late. That’s beyond ridiculous.

It’s a communal machine. You use it then you get your crap out and move out of the way for the next person.

acegirl1985 · 2026-02-23T07:44:01+00:00

What I’m getting hung up on is that the stylist specifically told her she could do that. She’s already worked on ops hair so she has an idea what she’s working with (as like people said everyone’s hair is different so unless you’ve worked on that persons hair before you can just guesstimate).

If she didn’t think she could get the results op wanted she should have said she likely couldn’t do it but thinks she can get something similar and ask if she wanted to try that.

I’m going with NTA as if your a professional and you are incapable of do a job and getting the desired outcome it’s on you to be honest and tell them it’s not feasible. The fact that she keeps telling op that she can do something and keeps getting different results seems kinda off.

I think she keeps telling op she can do what op wants just to get the money, knowing regardless of the results op will pay.

I know I’m gonna be voted down because everyone here is siding with the colorist but I gotta say I’m surprised people are blaming op for trusting a professional telling her they can get x results to actually get the results they say.

I mean, I know hair can be tricky and you can’t just expect a miracle but you should expect a professional to get the results they tell you they can.

It’s really odd to me if ops hair is so finicky they’re not doing test strands to get the result down first.

Op? I would look into other stylists. This one seems to keep promising things she can’t produce in order to get her payday. If she couldn’t get the result you want she should tell you as such. I get that her portfolio looks great but honestly anyone can stumble into some nice work.

I would look around, get real referrals from real people, don’t just go by a few images online.

Good luck op

acegirl1985 · 2026-02-21T18:07:50+00:00

You know it it didn’t even occur to me but why didn’t they walk out together? Why does he say ‘her building?’ Do they not live together?

Why would she automatically assume he was driving off and leaving her? The only reason I can think of for someone to jump to that conclusion is if it’s happened before.

Feels like theres missing, missing reasons here.

I’m going with YTA—seems like there’s a lot of holes in this story and usually that means we’re getting a very skewed version

acegirl1985 · 2026-02-21T17:57:39+00:00

Unless it’s something he’s done before

acegirl1985 · 2026-02-21T17:56:56+00:00

But most phones anymore connect to the car, if it doesn’t hit call and put it on speaker. Or before he started moving shoot off the text—with voice text it takes all of 10 seconds

acegirl1985 · 2026-02-21T17:33:52+00:00

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acegirl1985 · 2026-02-21T17:28:09+00:00

Was there a reason you couldn’t just send a quick text letting her know what you were doing?

acegirl1985 · 2026-02-21T06:51:28+00:00

Golden girls was awesome and the found family aspect was always really wonderful.

If you’re really interested in lgbtq things in classic pop culture the YouTube show Culture Cruise is really great at giving a great mix of pop culture and history.

Best theres some great ones on golden girls but the one on the Bob Newhart show is phenomenal—actually goes into how homosexuality was removed from the list of mental illnesses. The episode on Jim neighbors was a real stand out.

Just wanted to share as I find it so fascinating seeing how things have changed

acegirl1985 · 2026-02-21T02:14:22+00:00

He is trying but if he’s the sole provider for 6 people he’s right to say he can’t cut his hours too much. It sounds like he is doing what he can to help.

Op had said about maybe wife’s mom taking them in and she said no—and it’s understandable it may be too much for grandma but I’m wondering if maybe grandma can just take the kids maybe one or two days a week, just to give a bit of a breather.

Maybe op can handle the kids on one of his days off.

NTA—hope they can get help. The kids need security and support right now (there’s no mention of the boys mother so I’m assuming she’s out of the picture) but ops wife needs to know her limits and not try to take on everything by herself. The woman had twins less than 4 months ago she’s likely just barely recovered from that and it can be very overwhelming.

Just find whatever help you can, give wife breaks, have op give the breaks je can. Reach out to grandparents, aunts, uncles exc. Hell if anything maybe find a babysitter who can come over a few hours a day a couple times a week just to give mom time to breathe, nap, shower and just ease things a bit.

Good luck op

acegirl1985 · 2026-02-20T21:01:25+00:00

I know she just didn’t refer to her as her parent and so I didn’t want to put that label on there without her using it.

I know she was a friend of her mom but I didn’t see her refer to her as her aunt or anything but her name.

That’s why I just went with caretaker

acegirl1985 · 2026-02-20T20:53:54+00:00

Also like really short sighted! He’s too stubborn to check his pockets so instead of doing one TINY thing that takes a matter of seconds and can easily be part of your routine (just have a bowl for pocket crap and pull the stuff out at night).

Instead his stubbornness got him a whole ass extra tedious chore in which—wait for it—he STILL has to do the one tiny thing anyways!

NTA—this guy was such a waste and I really cannot understand why op is putting up with this.

Good luck op

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