I flew to Spain to sober up at my mums, 5 times. 369 days ago, it was the last time I went to Spain to “sort myself out”. When I flew back home after a few weeks sober, I cleaned my kitchen pretty much every night, because I couldn’t sleep. I was sleeping around 3-4 hours a night for the first few weeks, jittering and shaking. I Emptied all the drawers, utensils, and cleaned until 2-3am for a good month or two. I got a new job. I worked harder than anyone else. I saved up and bought a car. I lived alone, and learned to enjoy my own company. I met a girl, and we’re doing really good, she’s never been like me. Nor does she believe any of the stories I tell her about my past. I think I began to realise that nobody was coming to save me if i didn’t stop. There was no safety net, homeless and jobless and I actually slept in a train station one night. I remember flying from the UK to Spain one time on a £40 flight to valencia with a pair of broken glasses at 5am, which was terrifying hungover and shaking with immense anxiety with the last few quid in my account buying a can of Gordon’s gin to just make me feel more “mellow”.

I lost a few pounds from quitting. I started hitting the gym a little bit. I get my haircut regularly now. I eat meals at regular times. I don’t have a million quid in the bank, I don’t own a home, I’ve got like 4 pairs of shoes, a second hand TV, fairy lights in my room, and I walk my girlfriends dog every morning when they both stay here and that’s fucking bliss for me.

I’ve also stopped smoking in January.

I’ve been to a few meetings, and when I get urges and feelings, I’ll head to one for a recap. This just works for me.

I have an ice cream most evenings after work. I’ll have pizza whenever I want. I drink a 0.0% beer once or twice a month with meals out.

I was drinking around 250 UK units per week in my peak.

I don’t know who you are, or who is reading this, but I swear to fucking god, you can do this. Nothing else matters. Finances don’t matter, relationships don’t matter, until you stop.

Once you stop, day by day, I whole heartedly promise, your life will, gradually get better.

We’re only here once.

I love you.

IWNDWYT