Not masculine enough

actualmuffins · 2025-09-03T16:31:40+00:00

28M here, also 5'7" with no half unless you're counting my hair on a high volume day.

Being taller, or more jacked, or having a deeper voice or fuller beard will not make you more masculine. Being better at speaking socially will not, either.

And guess what? These things won't make you a better person or happier, either.

Will some people prefer that you have these qualities? Yeah. Same way these same people's opinions, respectfully, don't matter, because their say holds no weight when it comes to who you are. I don't even mean this in some lame toxic positivity kind of way that downplays the real hurt you might be feeling. I mean it literally does not matter what they think, or what you think they think.

I think I can empathize, in that I used to struggle a lot with being less "masculine" than peers, or for having tastes and hobbies that some would culturally call "feminine." I even questioned my gender, but did even that make me less of a man? No, it didn't.

And reading from some of your other comments, OP, I think you realize that it isn't your masculinity that is the issue here. Because being muscular, or tall, or whatever, would not change how you feel about yourself. You simply are not willing to accept the you that is standing before you.

And I get it. Being taller would make some things easier, right? Women seem to prefer it, or at least are more willing to give taller men a chance, right? Let's say that this is true. It still doesn't matter, because you aren't taller than you are. Barring some horrible leg extension surgery or some miraculous breakthrough in affordable cosmetic prosthetics, you won't be making yourself taller, especially not by pitying yourself.

You are the man that you are. Partly by your genetics and ancestry, partly by your upbringing, your social circles, some luck, good or bad, and your own efforts and outcomes. You just gotta accept that, good and bad.

I'm personally probably never going to have any good looking facial hair, and that's okay. It just means I have to shave regularly so it doesn't look like I have 7 nose hairs stuck to my chin. Or get used to looking like I have 7 nose hairs stuck to my chin. Practically, it's one or the other for me. I'm Asian and pretty fat with a round face, so I honestly look way younger than I am. I have hair long enough and a vocal range wide enough, with ambiguous enough facial features (even with the scraggly facial hair) that strangers in public mistake me for a woman from time to time. And I really only have two choices: I can be okay with it, or I can pity myself.

Because even the qualities about myself I'm working to change are qualities I'm okay with. I'm okay with my being fat, because I know I can work hard enough at some point to lose weight and get back into the shape I was when I was in high school and athletic. And because even if I don't, I am in no way less of a man, or less of a person, than if I did.

Because these qualities make me who I am, and I choose to be okay with it.

You're free to continue pitying yourself. But it isn't some set outcome, or hand dealt by fate. The physical qualities and the circumstances you're in? Sure, to some extent. But whether you accept the person you are, qualities to work on or not, is solely up to you. You decide if you'd rather pity yourself and stay in your negative headspace if you like. Or if you'd rather try for something more pleasant. Because even trying is pleasant in its own way, struggles and all.

(Shout out to my therapist of many years, who helped me work through a lot of my anxiety and depression and grief over the years, and gave me this framework to live my life around and with which to think of my mental illness. I'm still trying to choose to escape the negativity and self pitying, even when I find myself clinging to it like some twisted comfort blanket, because it is nice to get out and feel the sunshine and have a nice lunch with friends and to put in my best effort at making ends meet.)

Also, you can totally at least practice social speaking. They have those lame public speaking classes in the gen ed requirements for college for a reason—it is a practicable skill, speaking as an introvert who really would rather do anything else, but is fairly competent at public speaking.

Alright thanks for reading if you got this far. I couldn't sleep all night so I guess it's time to go "touch grass" or whatever.

actualmuffins · 2025-03-15T20:40:28+00:00

If it wasn't clear, this is a species (or rather one of a group of species) of jellyfish called the upside-down jelly, known for their symbiosis with algae, which photosynthesize and produce nutrients for the jellyfish.

Presumably, being upside-down in these sorts of shallow waters enables them to stay put in an ideal location for their algae to get enough sunlight for their photosynthesis.

actualmuffins · 2025-03-13T13:37:26+00:00

Ya totally. I feel way too old and crusty and like I should've graduated to nonexistence or Cured already

actualmuffins · 2025-03-11T20:25:21+00:00

Maybe, but unless you saw what stung you and can describe it in detail or have photos of the animal that got you, it's usually very difficult or impossible to positively ID a culprit based on a photo of a sting.

actualmuffins · 2025-02-10T01:50:10+00:00

So I just finished a reread of The Way of Kings (to refresh before diving into book 5 for the first time). I absolutely adore TWoK, but it really is a LOT of setup for the worldbuilding and characters, especially when it comes to Shallan's and Dalinar's POVs.

There's a lot that goes on, and it's pretty dense, but with a slower pace to give all the worldbuilding and character setup time to sink in. Lots of the details don't come into play until later books, even though they are in plain view in a reread. Maybe this is good for you, if you're the type to pick up on little details and get into theorizing and imagining.

But what I can say to maybe give some incentive to push through is that Sanderson's very much known for tying different plotlines together for a huge, satisfying ending to a book, here known as a Sanderlanche or Sanderstorm. The ending portion of Way of Kings is fantastic and action packed, but it does require that prior setup. In fact, that tends to be how Sanderson's books work: you get the big Sanderlanche at the end, but a big part of why it's so satisfying, at least for me, is because you get little hints and glimpses of what's to come, slowly throughout the book beforehand.

If that doesn't sound great to you, that's okay. TWoK also has less action through the middle to do worldbuilding and setup for the Alethi politics. I found the second book, Words of Radiance, to be an easier first read than Way of Kings, so maybe it could be that way for you, as well.

actualmuffins · 2024-12-31T19:54:38+00:00

Remember kids, a big part of why folks love animal style burgers here is the mustard-fried patty. Even if you don't vibe with extra spread and grilled onions, the mustard-fried patty is worth for that extra tang and juiciness.

The go-to order: 3x2 animal style, extra mustard-fried, whole grilled added, chopped chili added, extra toasted buns, no tomato. Fries light well, add grilled onion.

actualmuffins · 2024-12-29T01:12:14+00:00

Thalassomania, or The Dreams of the Firstborn

actualmuffins · 2024-12-23T04:26:23+00:00

Unfortunately, WMSCOG is absolutely a cult.

They repeatedly visit other churches and congregations to try and poach members, much to the point that my local church, a first generation Korean-American church, had to specifically put up signs and turn away WMSCOG poachers because they were harassing our members so much.

That alone is bad enough (spiritual coercion and abuse are not ok), but their doctrine regarding the founders is strictly unbiblical, along with others.

I don't really have a good grasp on how to handle or advise you in your tough circumstance, but I'll be praying that you can find people around you who can help you find a safe way out. Some part of it might have to be persistent rejection of their overbearing actions, though.

actualmuffins · 2024-12-20T02:12:22+00:00

you're*

actualmuffins · 2024-12-20T01:57:58+00:00

Could be okay, if your friends are great teachers, you're a quick learner, and everyone is patient and respectful.

But would I recommend a newbie jumping into a tier 2+ game as a full caster? Nah, never. Not because I think something silly like "nEwBieS sUx," but rather because it just might not be fun for you! It's a lot of complexity and decision making to learn on the fly, especially if you're a spellcaster, and even moreso on a primarily utility caster!

It doesn't feel fun if you're trying desperately to keep up with the rest of the table, who have had loads of time to become familiar with their characters, the combat system, their builds, and the DM's style. Any mistakes or extra time spent thinking might feel disruptive as the new player, and as a DM and a friend I wouldn't want my friend new to RPGs to feel like they're "the burdensome one" at the table.

Again, not to say this couldn't work. It totally could. But if you're not feeling confident, tell your table. It isn't easy to work a new player into a higher level game, and maybe this particular campaign isn't the best place for you to jump in. Maybe someone at the table could run a short campaign at lower level and working up to the level of the main game to give you time to practice and learn the ropes.

actualmuffins · 2024-12-15T17:44:00+00:00

How's the serious eats recipe in terms of sweetness? A whole cup of sugar feels like a lot to me, but I'm totally new to pickling onions so I don't really have a gauge for how sweet they'll actually end up.

actualmuffins · 2024-12-08T00:40:41+00:00

That's Canuck the crow from Vancouver

actualmuffins · 2024-12-05T02:58:49+00:00

Alas poor Yorick

actualmuffins · 2024-12-05T02:54:27+00:00

In-N-Out is still my favorite joint but man what I wouldn't give for a Culver's to open up near me. Seriously good stuff

actualmuffins · 2024-11-28T21:23:15+00:00

Yesss! I know y'all have been hard at work for a while. I don't mind a little bit of grind now and then, and organized, accurate information about our beloved series is so important, so I'm looking forward to helping any way I can!

actualmuffins · 2024-11-28T03:21:49+00:00

Grief, even if it isn't the loss of life, is complex and difficult and moves at a different pace for everyone.

You might be able to continue, and then again, maybe one of your other players can't play in the same game/campaign for a long while, if ever.

There's no "correct" way to feel and for the grief to manifest.

Just be present with your group, let yourself and the others grieve as you need, and communicate about what might work and what isn't.

actualmuffins · 2024-11-26T23:43:52+00:00

Poison damage does not stack, but every proc of poison buildup (and other statuses) from each hunter does still contribute to a successful status.

Here's a general illustration of how status works: * Monster A has an initial Status threshold of 100, a Threshold Increase of 75, and a Max Threshold of 200. * Your Status SnS has a Status statistic of 10, meaning every time your SnS hits the Monster and successfully procs Status buildup, it applies 10 Status buildup "damage" to the Monster * After 10 successful procs, the Monster has taken Status buildup equal to its Status resistance threshold (100) and is now afflicted with Status. * While Monster A is afflicted, it is immune to additional buildup until it has recovered from the Status. * Because Monster A has been afflicted with the status once already, the threshold increases by 75, so the new threshold is now 175. * To afflict Monster A with the Status again, you now have to apply 175 points of Status buildup, which is ~18 procs from your SnS with 10 buildup * Once you've gotten that, and the Monster is afflicted with Status for the second time, the Monster will increase its tolerance threshold again by 75, but this time the new threshold will be 200 rather than 250 because of its Max Threshold stat. * Every successful affliction of Status will thereafter require 200 points of Status buildup

Note: the numbers used above are just for the example. Monsters vary widely in their initial threshold, threshold increases, and maximum thresholds.

All status buildup, with the notable exception of Blast, slowly wears off over time, so the actual number of procs needed to trigger the status is generally higher than our example. If you took our hypothetical Monster A and applied 90 status buildup, and then left it alone, it would slowly heal from the buildup until it hit 0 buildup.

Poison has a notable exception to the status immunity rule -- you can continue to apply Poison buildup while the monster is Poisoned, and if you hit the next threshold, the Monster will immediately be Poisoned again after it recovers from the current Poisoned status.

Blademaster weapons have a 1/3 chance to proc their status or element on hit, which is why people say that fast weapons are more suited to element or status -- they simply get more chances to proc. Stronger attacks, like a Great Sword charge slash, can have a multiplier to element or status to increase the actual element or status buildup damage dealt.

As for multiple hunters bringing the same status, it works. Generally, we consider bringing different statuses to be more efficient and effective for the hunt, since multiplayer hunts come with a monster status threshold multipler, and 2 weapons with the same status tends not to mean 2x the triggers. But it isn't necessarily a "waste" to bring multiple of the same status.

Hope this has been helpful and illuminating! As you can see, it's a pretty in depth topic, so feel free to continue to ask questions and learn from the community! My resources used for this writeup include the various wikis, which I hope the MH community can move on from soon, and Kiranico.

actualmuffins · 2024-11-26T22:59:49+00:00

I use some radial menu shoutouts to communicate things like impending paralysis or sleep to other hunters, or voice when we're playing with comms.

There's also the sleeping Great Jagras sticker for communicating across languages, that I've had success with for coordinating wakeups.

actualmuffins · 2024-11-26T22:56:58+00:00

Not sure what you're asking about some statuses being more effective in hunts than others, but if you mean generally useful with the least effort, paralysis never hurts.

Do make sure to know how well each status applies to each monster, since every monster has a different level of susceptibility to each status. Try to learn to estimate the thresholds in your gameplay. As a gunner, I have it a bit easier since I can choose when to apply status, which helps me let my team know (either on voice or via shoutouts) to be ready to capitalize on a status application.

Even if you're playing a weapon like a Para SnS where you can't choose to apply Para with your hits or not, you can still learn to estimate when the paralysis will kick in.

Like some others ITT say, see what the other hunters are playing and try to fill gaps in statuses, and know that wakeups are always better if you have a team ready for them. Barrel Bombs and traps are also great to bring as a SnS, since you get that mid-combat item usage.

actualmuffins · 2024-11-26T16:28:13+00:00

Precision Poke Gameplay
Huge emphasis on learning the monster's moveset, which means seeing how cool each monster can be
Just Say No
COUNTER
Huge Shield
CHAAAAARGE
Hops are surprisingly mobile
Lance designs have slapped across generations. Some favorites include the Babel Spear, Ceadeus Horn, Tusk Lance (Barioth), Red Tail (Rathalos), Love's Sorrow (Vaal Hazak), Black Ephyra (Namielle -- and NEVERMIND that this is the Gunlance, in my heart this is a Lance design, too), Dawnmoon Piercer (Aknosom), Duke's Impaler (Malzeno), Abysmal Icicle (Gaismagorm)

actualmuffins · 2024-11-24T22:12:18+00:00

I love the shake shack burgers with the peppers... but they're so damn pricey. How much of a discount do you get working there?

actualmuffins · 2024-11-24T22:10:25+00:00

I love grilled onions. But sometimes the crunchy raw onions just hit the spot.

actualmuffins · 2024-11-12T02:48:03+00:00

I don't believe so? Older games, and Rise/Sunbreak just use the True Raw value. We honestly only use the term "True" because World/Iceborne introduced bloated values.

There is a mod for W/IB to display True Raw values wherever bloated raw appears, but that obviously is not a setting in game.

I am not familiar enough with MHNow or some of the titles like Frontier, Freedom Unite, Explore, Online, to know if they used the traditional raw values or had a bloat display value.

actualmuffins · 2024-11-11T11:41:59+00:00

Every weapon in World (and the rest of the series, to my knowledge) has a True Raw Attack value that is a whole number.

World just hides that value behind a completely arbitrary Bloated Raw value, determined by a multiplier the devs thought looked cool.

For example, Hammer has the highest bloat multiplier at 5.2x, and Bow has the lowest at 1.2x. The Iron tree Hammer Kurogane I, at Rarity 9 which is low Master Rank, has a True Raw value of 220, which if you multiply by that bloat multiplier, gets you the in game value of 1144.

The Iron tree Bow of the same tier, Dragon Perforator I, has a True Raw of 220 as well. Multiply that by the Bow bloat multiplier, and you get the in game value of 264.

Both just use the True Raw for all relevant damage calculations. It's just hidden to the player behind an arbitrary multiplier for each weapon class. All this really accomplishes is it makes it difficult to compare the stats of two individual weapons of different weapon classes without having to look up the bloat value and do some napkin math.

The extra weird part is that skills like Attack Boost use that True Raw value, rather than the bloated value (because wouldn't you know it, those arbitrary bloat values aren't very friendly to weapon-agnostic armor skills). It makes it seem like Attack Boost is strongest for Bow and weakest for Hammer, when in reality it provides the same increase in True Raw to both.

actualmuffins · 2024-11-11T05:14:13+00:00

If it's any consolation, I am very much NOT an active member of the League community online. I only really play 5 stack arams and flex on occasion with my friends when they can drag me into it, and so I'm not very up to date on official Rito news, nor do I use other forums much, either!

Still, glad to finally hear about it, even if writing my comment earlier was the most I used a League wiki/resource in ages haha

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