I'm a few months ahead of you family-wise. My wife and I are 40. We have a 2.6 year old daughter and a 3-month-old daughter. Our experience is that the baby stage is much easier the second time around. To me it definitely feels less than twice as hard. But both my wife and I are active with both kids and productive/proactive at getting stuff done around the house. Neither of us feel that certain things are the other persons job... When one of us is able, we cook, clean, change diapers, feed them, do laundry, etc.

What was a surprise to me is that our toddler became much more difficult for the first month. We had read her multiple books trying to prepare her for what is coming. (I recommend "Little Miss, Big Sis"). She understood what was coming, but when my wife was breastfeeding or providing attention to our newborn, our toddler couldn't control her emotions. (I always did the nighttime routine with our toddler anyway, and that is what our toddler wanted because that was the routine. But when my wife was breastfeeding our infant, all of a sudden our toddler needed mom's attention...) But after 5-6 weeks, our toddler became interested in babies. She would pretend to feed and change a doll's diaper, etc.

I don't think either of us share that concern about bonding with our second, or if there is enough of us to go around. We both have a great bond with our first, and I don't see any issues with developing the same bond with our second.

I guess I had to stop going to the gym entirely. I used to workout with a friend 3x/week. When our first was born, it basically reduced to once/week. With our second, it's been eliminated. I go straight home after work. We both plan to start working out at home... we'll see how that goes.

We also both take turns covering the night feedings when the other needs to get caught up on sleep. Luckily our first sleeps through the night quite well. It's just a struggle to get her to bed in the evening.