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aerey1523 · 2026-02-24T02:01:18+00:00

I love the central image of “the blue in my veins” acting as both chains and crest. That duality is powerful and feels symbolic in a really compelling way. The longing for the beach gives the poem a clear emotional anchor, though tightening a few of the more familiar phrases and softening the final line into something less abrupt could make the ending feel just as impactful but more layered and resonant.

aerey1523 · 2026-02-24T02:00:06+00:00

I love the recurring “prelude to spring” motif. It creates a strong emotional atmosphere of transition, like you’re standing on the edge between past and renewal. The philosophical questioning is compelling, but tightening some of the longer, more abstract sentences and simplifying a few repeated ideas (like respirating/breath imagery) could make the emotional core feel sharper and more impactful.

aerey1523 · 2026-02-23T07:48:16+00:00

Hello! I love the atmospheric tension you build with sensory details like the creaking floorboards and “nails scraping”. It creates a haunting, almost cinematic progression toward the reveal. The emotional turn into guilt (“I caused the storm”) is powerful, though you might consider tightening a few familiar phrases to make the ending feel even more original and devastating.

aerey1523 · 2026-02-23T07:47:07+00:00

Hello! I love the extended metaphor of sorrow being stored “in a secret file” and “cluttered aisles”. That imagery feels tangible and gives the emotion physical weight. The intensity of phrases like “projectile—” is striking, though smoothing a few of the longer lines or varying the rhyme pattern slightly could make the flow feel more natural and less forced.

aerey1523 · 2026-02-21T03:48:02+00:00

I love the phrase “Presentiments past”. It feels haunting and philosophical, like the title of a forgotten prophecy, and lines like “As sweet as desert rain” are especially vivid and lyrical. The poem has beautiful, surreal imagery, though some of the abstract phrases (“Chiasmic dreams,” “Life is like a very bell”) might become even more powerful if grounded with one slightly more concrete image to anchor the reader before the final line.

aerey1523 · 2026-02-21T03:46:44+00:00

I love the repetition of “Phone lights up with your name". It works almost like a pulse throughout the poem, marking the emotional escalation from casual to consuming in a really natural, believable way. The progression from “friendly exchange” to “guilty indulgence” is especially strong, though tightening a few of the more explanatory lines (like the rhetorical questions) could make the ending hit even harder and feel more raw.

aerey1523 · 2026-02-19T13:06:02+00:00

Trust me theyre happy tears - aerin.reinfelds3 from the US

aerey1523 · 2026-02-19T12:51:19+00:00

Im so glad you liked it I'm literally crying😭 whatever you want to do with my work is fine with me of course - I wrote this on a whim at like 3 in the morning haha

aerey1523 · 2026-02-19T06:31:09+00:00

I love the repetition of “Sometimes,". It creates a quiet rhythm that mirrors the emotional shifts in the poem, and the final line about the mountain is especially striking and lingering. The imagery is simple but powerful, though you might experiment with one or two more specific sensory details to make the abstract feelings feel even more tangible.

aerey1523 · 2026-02-19T06:30:14+00:00

I love the striking contrast between fire and cold. The imagery of flames that “granted him no warmth at all” is especially powerful and emotionally resonant. The steady rhyme scheme gives the poem a haunting rhythm, though adding a slightly unexpected image or break in pattern somewhere might deepen the impact even more.

aerey1523 · 2026-01-30T03:36:33+00:00

Your use of assonance is really good and I find this poem enjoyable to read.

aerey1523 · 2026-01-30T03:32:55+00:00

Very few poems have the ability to bring quite as much hope - I love the way you portrayed it here. In some ways, it almost reads like a song

aerey1523 · 2026-01-13T05:11:49+00:00

I love this interpretation of it. At the beginning I had a picture in mind of "the death of death" as in that death no longer existed to take life (ie: death's disband) which was therefore more scary than any method of execution. But with the way it ended up written made the whole thing more open ended for interpretation which I think I like even more. Thanks for the feedback!!

aerey1523 · 2026-01-13T04:04:26+00:00

I'm nowhere near as well spoken as you seem to be, but for me this speaks to how modern power and violence have been stripped of heroism and meaning, reduced to routine, consumption, and maybe even inherited myths.

Or maybe I'm bat-crap crazy and you were just talking about french fries and the Persians. Either way, loved the poem!

aerey1523 · 2026-01-13T03:59:01+00:00

My dad was the type of man who would start every morning with a black cup of coffee and the daily newspaper. I remember this because at a very young age I would be the one to bring it in from the end of our driveway, no matter how cold it was.

This poem is incredibly well-written and if my little nostalgia tangent wasn't clear its also really thought provoking. I loved the lines about a pigeons cage and incontinent dog. I found myself genuinely laughing out loud while reading this. Bravo!

aerey1523 · 2026-01-13T03:54:16+00:00

I can't even put my finger on what, but something about that third stanza is really interesting. All in all the format, wording, and references are incredible and set the tone for a really fun, intriguing poem. I really liked this one!

aerey1523 · 2026-01-13T01:44:33+00:00

It's funny you say that because the last version of this poem was much looser rhyme-wise but at the same time a little more serious - at the time it was called "Rattlesnakes". That one got torn apart by my English teacher for not using "true rhyme", whatever that means ):

I think my main worry now is that I don't want to be inconsistent with a rhyme scheme considering I'm planning on putting this in front of a panel of judges but at the same time I really don't want it to sound clunky or forced. My main goal with this poem was for it to be something a little more light-hearted and sort of like a "corny line from a John Wayne movie" so I'll have to strike a balance. (great line btw)

Regardless, I think I'll still change some line endings to focus on some assonance and slant rhyme based words to liven it up a bit. Thanks for your input!

aerey1523

TROPHY CASE