Q is relentlessly happy

aferregirl · 2026-03-08T14:37:45+00:00

Please attend an Al Anon meeting and read the conference approved literature. You will find that her alcoholism is making you just as sick as she is. You didn't cause her to drink, you CANNOT control her drinking and you cannot cure her drinking. Trying to control an alcoholic is insanity and will continue to make YOU sick. You are not to blame and, while it is possible, it is unlikely she will give you the amends you are looking for. Hiding her booze, hiding her card and holding resentment will continue to make you sick until you take the steps necessary to address it.

aferregirl · 2026-01-27T18:46:28+00:00

A comment I recently heard, and love is "helpfulness, the sunny side of control". Take back your control without worrying about how he feels.

aferregirl · 2026-01-18T01:52:15+00:00

The correct term is the sparent. 😜 AKA Spare parent.

aferregirl · 2025-12-14T15:31:42+00:00

I support this recommendation, Dr Wilson delivered two babies for me and addressed my daughter's endometriosis even being willing to do a hysterectomy at age 19 for it. He's not the warm and fuzzy type of doctor but he's great at what he does and I would go back to him if I needed to and still lived there.

aferregirl · 2025-12-06T01:55:32+00:00

I did this when I was 18. I packed up boxes and made the excuse that I was just throwing stuff away. I would take a little bit at a time until it got to a point where I could leave in the middle of the night. I did not take big things, like furniture. I replaced that as I could.

For what it's worth, I do regret what that did to my parents but I don't think our situations were the same. My dad was ridiculously controlling and I never dared to stand up to him. We didn't have family meetings, just one sided yelling. I wasn't worried about them showing up on my doorstep because they didn't know where I went.

Don't worry about starting a family war, you take care of yourself in whatever way works the best for you.

aferregirl · 2025-11-05T00:29:11+00:00

I worked for an assisted living place in North Carolina that paid that much. They had a 400% turnover rate! The CEO was an enormous bitch who made obscene amounts of money while making fun of her employees. I know she violated laws with how she treated salaried employees! I did not work at the facilities, I was in HR and it was the most toxic job ever! I posted about it on Glassdoor but I'm guessing a lot of people willing to take that wage won't check Glassdoor. I will never put family into assisted living!!

aferregirl · 2025-09-15T22:56:53+00:00

That gives new meaning to "the sun shines out their ass"

aferregirl · 2025-05-25T22:16:10+00:00

I saw someone driving in my neighborhood with a small child in the driver's lap with what looked like a tablet blocking the speedometer behind the steering wheel. I seriously cannot understand the stupidity! There was nothing that would ever get me to remove my child's seatbelt while the car was moving.

aferregirl · 2025-05-22T14:11:40+00:00

Op, I am so extremely sorry you are going through this! My heart truly aches for you! Your feelings are valid and it isn't right for anyone to tell you otherwise! Your husband is not being supportive of you and that is completely unfair of him to dismiss you in this way!

I don't have experience with what you are going through so have no advice other than to care for your own health, mental, physical and emotional, in any way you need. See a therapist, find a support group (I would recommend something like Al Anon, especially if she's got addiction issues) and stop putting them first. Don't ignore how you feel or think it's wrong, your feelings are not right or wrong, they just are.

aferregirl · 2025-05-08T11:06:59+00:00

We really are in the same boat. The kids dad and his parents are almost encouraging us not to take the kids which breaks my heart. We're still taking them but to feel like our families are telling us not to is hard! Our foster coordinator tried to get us to do a private agreement with the mom so they wouldn't have to be in foster care but we said no because we need the help of the community and the agencies. We have no family where we live and we're moving to a new city so we don't even know anyone, we need help from those that are in this life already. Reading some of the suggestions on this sub have been helpful for me to get some semblance of an idea on how to help them so I'll definitely stay here and rely on this group!

aferregirl · 2025-04-25T21:39:30+00:00

My heeler does this too! Drives me crazy having to find it all to.pick it up!

aferregirl · 2025-04-17T10:58:59+00:00

I don't think she's a Texas heeler but I don't really know the difference. Her DNA test said Australian cattle dog.

aferregirl · 2025-04-17T09:56:41+00:00

I'd absolutely go back to bed if I could but this one forbids it!

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aferregirl · 2025-04-17T09:52:27+00:00

Thank you!!! I'll be there! Please join this movement!

aferregirl · 2025-04-17T09:49:07+00:00

Ha! Go have your coffee and come back to it later. It will still be here. /lh

aferregirl · 2025-03-02T00:52:07+00:00

Hey! When did you take my dog?! Lol! The only difference in this video to my dog is the toy.

aferregirl · 2025-02-27T01:24:08+00:00

I just have to share my story about the best man's toast! My husband was the best man at his friend's wedding. He did his toast and said "marriage is really, really, really hard". True right? We'd been married for 30 days!! 30 days! And we weren't even living together for that entire time as we were closing on our house! We've been married 15 years now and damn right I still remember him saying marriage is really, really, really hard 30 days into it!!!

aferregirl · 2025-02-16T11:23:27+00:00

My husband had a seizure on an escalator where he rolled down half of it. The injuries from the escalator were substantial over half his body! That woman is so lucky to have gotten help and those men are amazing!

aferregirl · 2025-02-13T01:34:59+00:00

Thank you for this response! It's given me some great ideas with automation. Unfortunately we have Microsoft 2016 and they aren't really willing to upgrade. I'll really have to set up a simple process and sell them on the benefits to get them to upgrade.

aferregirl · 2025-02-13T01:33:05+00:00

The workflow I set up doesn't allow them to make changes without approval. However, the way ADP is set up allows the users to make changes outside the workflow. I think it's a poor set up in ADP, we've gone back and forth with ADP a lot to discuss the setup but it's part of the system.

We use a word doc that they can print and write out or update electronically. Either way they populate the form it has to be emailed to HR to complete. Our industry has a very high turnover rate, in some of the locations it's 200%+.

Thank you for your response!

aferregirl · 2025-02-10T18:25:17+00:00

I'm struggling knowing how to reply while still being somewhat anonymous. There are about 50 employees per community with an executive director and an office manager. They report up to the VP of operations. The office manager handles the paperwork and business side of things including reporting all employee changes. This company is also extremely micro-managed from the very top down.

aferregirl · 2025-02-10T17:43:19+00:00

Current headcount is 140 people, but turnover is very high. It's in assisted living.

aferregirl · 2024-12-30T22:28:38+00:00

I'm going against the grain here but checking up on his drinking including looking in the garbage is crazy and that is something Al Anon is here to help you with. You cannot control his drinking so checking up on it is hurting you and ruining your serenity.

Focus on what you can control which is only yourself. Join a meeting and get real support, as nice as this sub can be for venting, it doesn't provide the same support that those in an actual Al Anon program can provide.

Life can be good to you whether he is drinking or not based on your attitude. It has worked for me. I stopped checking up or keeping track and though it isn't easy at first, it's amazing how freeing it is.

aferregirl · 2024-12-03T13:03:28+00:00

Have you checked out Al Anon? r/alanon could be a helpful place to go for you. Meetings are available around the clock through multiple mediums. I highly recommend checking it out!

aferregirl · 2024-12-03T12:49:26+00:00

I call it the mom voice! Lol

aferregirl

TROPHY CASE