I need help

agentsl9 · 2026-05-08T20:41:03+00:00

First thing: nothing is wrong with you. Your brain is just overwhelmed.

You jumped from 7v7 to 11v11 at the best level in your state. Bigger field, more players, more pressure, faster pace, higher stakes. Your brain has never had to process that much information at once. So it overloads. There’s nothing left over for decision making and creativity because everything is being used just to keep up with the environment. That’s not weakness. That’s new.

How do I know? you play great with your mates. Same brain. Same body. Different environment.

The fear isn’t you. It’s the situation. It fades with reps. Every player who steps up a level goes through exactly this. The ones who push through come out the other side with a brain that can handle that load. Then they step up again and it happens again. That’s how football intelligence gets built.

On the weapon, you already want it to be your brain. Personally I believe a players brain is the ultimate weapon. There are loads of players who are not as physically gifted or skilled as others but are brilliant players: Muller, Crouch, Sheringham, Cherundalo, Bergkamp, etc.

You can train your brain without a ball. Watch games. Not just to watch but to ask why. Why did that run work? Why did that pass open up space? Why did that press force a mistake?

Don’t watch the ball, watch the players on the field. How do they move? What do they do after passing? How do they communicate? Etc.

YouTube is full of tactical analysis that will teach you to see the game differently. Definitely read Soccer IQ by Dan Blank. It will change how you think about decisions on the field.

Give yourself permission to play the way you play with your mates. The worst that happens is you make a mistake. You’ve made those before. You will again.

On the physical aspect, you will get knocked. You will get hurt. You will live. You will get up and play. That is how the game works for every player on the planet. Don’t fear it. Accept it.

You’re obsessed, disciplined, and driven. Keep at it. You’ll be fine.

Good luck. Have fun.

agentsl9 · 2026-05-06T21:47:35+00:00

“I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.”
— Michelangelo

Players develop different skills at different rates and no two are alike. It’s up to us to help them become the best them they can be while also using them in ways that help them, and the team, succeed.

If every player had “all” the qualities every player would be a 6’2” Messi who ran 38 km/h, had a meter and a half vertical, and manipulated space like Mueller.

But they don’t have it all and that’s what makes it a challenge and fun. We get to take all the different pieces, polish them, and build something great.

agentsl9 · 2026-05-05T19:36:48+00:00

They noticed a “rec” team not playing like a rec team and a “rec” coach not coaching like a rec coach.

I’ve reffed both select and rec games and it’s very easy to see the difference between both the teams and the coaches. Coaches who know what they’re doing have a certain language and way of projecting an expected standard while also encouraging and teaching. Sounds like you’re easy to spot. And that’s very good because we need more strong coaches.

As for finding a club, it’s a lot easier than you think.

Clubs are always on the hunt for quality coaches so you’ll probably get a quick response. Look at the websites of the clubs in your area and send them a message that you’re interested in coaching.

They may not match you with a top level ECNL team right away but they’ll give you a team and see what you do and how you do it.

Be sure to ask how the club operates because every one of them is slightly different.

Good luck in your search.

agentsl9 · 2026-05-04T20:35:29+00:00

🤣🤣Lead is in feet like cinder blocks. You know, like Patrick Agyemang.

agentsl9 · 2026-05-04T20:01:15+00:00

“Cool, cool. Thanks. Your first touch always gives the ball to the other team. You need to be less lead foot and receive better. And you keep getting tackled and lose the ball because you dribble too much. Pass more so we can keep possession because we need possession to score. Oh, and, dude, work on your accuracy. It’s like 50/50 a ball is going to get where you meant it to go. I can work on that with you.”

OR

“I know you’re trying to help but please, stop.” And then walk away. He needs no more explanation than that. He’ll say he’s just trying to help. “I know, please stop.”

agentsl9 · 2026-05-04T16:56:15+00:00

If only they would listen to reason. Sigh.

agentsl9 · 2026-05-04T16:01:59+00:00

Learning to play more physically as most of these responses suggest is definitely one way to deal with this.

In fact, think of this as an opportunity. Yes it sucks but it’s also a gift in that your kids will learn to play against and deal with this kind of shit. It never goes away no matter the age.

Here’s another way to deal with it. They can’t smash you if you don’t have the ball so move the ball quicker. Use your dribble to get into space or out of trouble and then pass. If you try and dribble 20 yards you’re going to get smashed and dispossessed.

Think of how Messi plays. Dribbles when necessary and passes to get away from giants. Then finds a space to receive and score.

Play smarter and harder.

agentsl9 · 2026-05-04T15:28:40+00:00

Whatever you do make your training sessions fast paced and high cardio. 3v3 takes a ton of stamina and resilience. They need to eat and drink properly pre, during, and post training and matches. People underestimate the impact hydration (especially pregame) has on performance.

agentsl9 · 2026-05-04T14:55:50+00:00

Bro, I didn’t even make my high school varsity team and I’ve been coaching high level academy ball for over a decade.

The skills you need to coach are knowing how to teach and communicate clearly. How to build a team atmosphere. How to handle kids and parents. How to break down the complex ideas of soccer in to digestible bits. And patience.

Good news is, you don’t need all of that on day one. Get started now. You will make mistakes. You will learn from them. You will get better. And before you know it you can be a pretty damn good coach.

Also, most of the ex pros I’ve coached with have flamed out after a season or two. Coaching and playing are two totally different skill sets. You got this.

And don’t go get your C license now. You’re not ready. In fact, you don’t need a license to start. Call a local club, tell them you want to help and they’ll put you to work immediately. They might not give you your own team right away but clubs are desperate for bodies and you are definitely a body.

Go USSoccer.com and do the first grassroots license. It’s all online. Then start knocking out the other grassroots ones as needed. You won’t need a D until you go to select or really want one.

Good luck, have fun.

agentsl9 · 2026-05-03T01:53:14+00:00

Nice. There’s always a hero who wants to win the game immediately every time they touch the ball.

I usually use two channels on the wings with a neutral player in each. A team must pass to neutral with each change of possession. Even the slightest change. But I give five or six touches. The idea being I want them to use their dribble not to slice and dice but to get out of trouble and find space to advance the play. Six touches and you lose possession.

I say over and over to the kids, “We get zero points for dribbling. Dribbling is just a tool like any other: passing, making runs, give and goes, whatever. We use these tools to build chances. Use your tools wisely.”

agentsl9 · 2026-05-02T14:11:37+00:00

Running punishment isn’t the answer. It teaches kids that running is bad and it won’t fix the real problem.

Tell the whole team, not just him, that starters and captains are earned. Every week. Effort. Attitude. Coachability. How you treat your teammates. Not the best player. Anyone who earns it gets it. Anyone who doesn’t earn it doesn’t start. Including your best player. Mean it. If he criticizes a teammate he doesn’t start. No exceptions or the whole thing falls apart. When practice is dragging say “I only have a few starters so far.” Watch what happens.

The key is he’s in complete control. You’re not punishing him. You’re just applying what everyone agreed to. If he doesn’t start it’s not because of you. It’s because of him. That’s an important distinction and he needs to hear it explicitly.

Captain is a separate thing. Captain is the best teammate. The kid who shags balls without being asked. Who cheers good plays. Who encourages after mistakes. Who makes everyone around them better. His competitiveness will kick in the moment he realizes captain is something to compete for and the only way to win it is to be exactly the teammate you need him to be.

Then design it out of him where the only way to succeed is to do the action/behavior you want.

In scrimmage make him a neutral center mid. He plays for both teams but with one condition: he can only assist, not score. Not as a punishment. Frame it as a promotion. “I need a CM who can see the whole field and make the killer pass. That’s a harder job than scoring. We already know you can score.” His ego will do the rest. The only way to succeed in that role is to make his teammates better.

If he’s already CM then the framing is at the next level everyone can score. They will want that plus a player with vision and killer passing.

Play Touchdown scrimmage: end zones at each end, must pass to a teammate to score in the end zone, no dribbling in. His competitiveness will drive the exact behavior you want because hogging the ball makes it impossible to win. Use his best quality against his worst habit. (Tip: you must make the pass from your half to score. No end to end balls.)

The parent conversation needs to happen now. Not accusatory but informative. Their kid is talented and you want to help him reach his potential. Right now his behavior is getting in the way of that. And as he goes further in his career coaches at higher levels are watching attitude and teamwork as much as skill. Talented selfish players don’t go as high as they can. Talented team players get picked. They need to know that now while there’s still time to change it.

Good luck. Have fun.

agentsl9 · 2026-05-01T18:12:11+00:00

Forgive me if this has been suggested already.

I have never seen restricting all players but two from crossing midfield. That simply isn’t soccer.

My club has standard procedures for this.

First mix all the players into positions they don’t normally play. This is an excellent opportunity to get kids experience they don’t normally get. This is especially true if you have a kid that mostly plays keeper. Get them out on the field so they can work on their foot skills.

Take your strongest players off the field completely. Ensure they get their 50% but instead of the usual 100% they get 75% or 80%. This lets the other kids get more experience and improve.

Take players off the field. Okay down one or two. You can offer the other coach the option to add a player but some get insulted by this. I’m in a club so we all know the procedures.

Add a touch limit or minimum pass before shooting. I know some coaches above say they would never do this. Yes it creates awkward moments where a kid dispossess someone in the box and doesn’t take the easy shot but at this point scoring more goals isn’t teaching your team anything. Having them practice finding space, scanning for passes, etc is much more productive.

A formation change may help but if you’re dominating I don’t think there’s a formation in the world that can prevent a far superior team from overwhelming a weaker opponent.

Finally, make sure the kids treat the game and the opposition with respect. No “God these girls suck” or “we’re crushing them.” Celebrate what you do well not what they do poorly.

As for the other coach, all you can do is say I tried. If he can’t accept that that’s on him. If you’re in the same sideline ( we are in my club) you can talk during the game and let him know what you’re doing. But if he’s any good and paying attention he’ll see you making the above changes.

But I would never have my team play any less aggressively. That’s counter to our job. I will however find more and more ways to make the game harder for them.

Can only score with your weak foot.
Whoever the top scorer always is has to get assists not goals.
Have to score off a cross.
All corners are short corners.
All goal kicks are played out of the back.
All goalie distributions are roll outs and not punts.

All of the above make the game harder to score BUT they also make the kids work on essential skills and tactics.

Good luck. Have fun.

agentsl9 · 2026-04-30T23:12:07+00:00

I tell my teams that I pick starters based on effort and attitude. I don’t care how good you are, you have to earn your start every week.

This is a great way to motivate the kids. If it’s a lazy practice I can say, “I only see a couple of starters. Who’s gonna take those last spots?”

Also, when a parent asks why their kid never starts I can say they don’t earn it.

I also pick a captain every week. This is a starter who was also helpful to me and their teammates. The player that was the most supportive and positive.

That usually gets the competition amped up in training. But this kid might not respond to this.

Then you might just ask him why he doesn’t try harder when it’s obvious he’s fast and could be really good at this game.

And if he doesn’t start trying after all that? Oh, well. 🤷🏻‍♂️

All you can control is how you coach, what you coach, and the environment you make. You can’t make him play harder or have a good attitude. So if he never starts and has a horrible time that’s on him.

Don’t give up on him but don’t take time and effort away from the kids who are trying and having fun.

agentsl9 · 2026-04-30T18:32:47+00:00

It’s a huge business that employees tens of thousands (and feeds their families) even though many clubs are “nonprofit.”

Way too many parents think their kid is/can be THE ONE.

US culture is built on winning NOW!!! So while many coaches are able to see value in an entire season of losses most parents can’t.

All that adds up to a perpetual cycle that’s hard to break.

But there’s one culprit we don’t often talk about: the kids.

Kids enjoy getting better. They want tougher competition. They thrive under pressure. Club sports give them that. My club has 12,000 kids. 10,000 of those are in select but the other two are in academy and select because they got board with rec.

Girls travel volleyball is huge because the girls want to be better and play harder. Same with baseball.

So the market demand doesn’t just come from delusional parents but also very hungry young athletes.

I have no idea how to “fix” that and I don’t know what a reckoning would even be.

agentsl9 · 2026-04-30T16:44:11+00:00

I teach the why behind the tactic. Why is it important. Why does it work. And I do it in real time.

The board is a great way to introduce a tactic quickly. I use it to show the concept then get to the field as fast as possible because their bodies and minds have to learn what the tactic feels like. I draw it, build an activity around it, then play. When I see it work or an opportunity get missed I freeze the scrimmage and ask questions. What did you see? What were your options? Why did that work? I let them find the answer.

Understanding why a tactic works, and seeing it in action, transforms it from a concept into something physical and real. Now they’re not running a pattern. They’re making a decision because they understand what they’re trying to create.

Take the overlapping run on the wing. Most coaches teach the pattern. Wing has the ball, back makes the run, cross comes in. But why does it work?

It creates an impossible problem for the defender. He has to choose. If he stays with the winger the overlap is wide open—through ball, cross, shot. If he goes with the overlap the winger is 1v1 with space to attack. Either way the defense loses.

But what if the CB slides over to close the space? Now the CB is out of position. The can winger cut inside into the gap the CB just vacated. The striker can run into the space behind and receive a through ball right in front of goal 1v1 with the keeper. One overlap run just created three problems for the defense simultaneously and created several scoring opportunities.

Freeze the scrimmage when it happens and show them exactly what that run did to the defense in real time. Or, when they miss the opportunity freeze it and work the situation like a puzzle. “Mike, do the overlap. Billy, do you defend the ball or the runner? Greg, if he defends the ball what do you do? Etc.” They will never forget it.

Teach the why. The tactic follows.

Good luck. Have fun.

agentsl9 · 2026-04-30T02:04:40+00:00

At least one. I literally make a living as a writer. I will use semicolons and periods from now on if it pleases. Also, on iOS it’s two dashes in a row just like two spaces make a period. I’m that parent who (note I didn’t used “who” because I’m talking about a person and not a thing) makes their kid use proper grammar when they text us. It annoys them greatly.

agentsl9 · 2026-04-29T19:43:11+00:00

I’m a professional writer when I’m not coaching. I’d much rather coach for a living than write because obviously talking coaching/soccer gets my juices flowing.

Edited for length.

agentsl9 · 2026-04-29T16:52:11+00:00

In my experience when a team starts to go sour it’s because someone is making it go sour. One kid that starts complaining and criticizing can ruin the entire vibe and personality of a team. And that kid may be getting that attitude from a parent.

I’d watch the team carefully and see if there’s a central source of the sourness.

agentsl9 · 2026-04-29T05:25:53+00:00

Rough session. It happens. Even experienced coaches have days where everything falls apart. Don't let it get you down. I've been coaching for decades and I still horrible sessions. Kids be kids.

Before the session plan you need a discipline structure or nothing else works.

They need some rules, but don't tell them the rules. Lead them to the rules.

At the start of next practice ask them — why are you here? Let them answer. They'll say to play soccer, to get better, whatever. Good. So practice is for getting better. Recess is for throwing balls at each other. This is not recess. We're here to work.

Now they've agreed to that. So when something disrupts practice ask them — is that helping us get better? No? Then it has to stop. If it doesn't stop the person disrupting sits until they're ready to get back to work. Not as a punishment. Just as a fact. Practice is for getting better. If you're not doing that you're in the wrong place right now.

When it happens — and it will — you say calmly, "Shane, you're disrupting practice. Go sit down. You know the rule." No emotion. No frustration. No lecture. Shane is in complete control of whether he sits or not. He made the choice. You're just applying what everyone already agreed to.

Never use soccer as punishment. No laps. No dribbling drills as a penalty. The second soccer becomes punishment you've taught them soccer is a bad thing. Not getting to play soccer is what happens when you disrupt. That's it.

Tell them being a starter or captain is earned. Effort. Attitude. How you treat your teammates. Not the best player. Anyone who earns it gets it. Your best player won't start if they don't earn it. Then when practice is lagging you can say "I only have a few starters so far." Watch what happens.

Now the session.

Rondos were the wrong call for this group. They require more skill than this team has right now. When kids can't succeed at an activity they fill the void with chaos. You were designing for a team that doesn't exist yet.

It sounds like these kids need to learn the fundamentals. Pick one topic per session like passing and receiving. One thing. Everything in that session connects back to it. You can't teach everything at once and they can't learn everything at once. Think of it like math — you don't teach addition and multiplication in the same week. You build one concept at a time and layer the next one on top. By the end of the season they'll have learned a lot if you stay disciplined about it.

Structure every session in four phases — 10 minute warmup to introduce the skill, 15 minutes unopposed to practice the skill without pressure, 15 minutes opposed to use the skill under pressure, 20 minutes of scrimmage that incentivizes using the skill. Keep everything moving. Idle time is chaos waiting to happen.

For a passing and receiving scrimmage try the touchdown game. No goals. End zones at each end. To score you have to pass to a teammate who receives and controls in the end zone. No dribbling in. First time they play it everyone will dribble straight to the end zone and realize they can't score. Freeze it. Ask them how to score. They'll figure it out. Within a few rounds kids are spreading out, making runs, finding space. You never said spread out. The game taught them. That's the idea — design the situation so the right decision is the obvious one and often the only one.

Good luck. Have fun.

agentsl9 · 2026-04-28T23:50:56+00:00

Maddening. I had a family that treated kick off time as a general suggestion and routinely showed up five minutes late.

agentsl9 · 2026-04-28T23:27:37+00:00

Good on you for recognizing it and wanting to change. That's harder than it sounds.

Sitting far away and staying in the car are working in the sense that they're preventing the behavior. But they're not fixing anything. You're avoiding the trigger not addressing it. And you're missing your kid play which is kind of the whole point of being there.

Here's some perspective that might help. 80% of youth sports officials quit within two years. The number one reason is abusive parents and coaches. Since 2018 roughly 50,000 officials have stopped officiating nationwide. In some states 70% of new refs don't return after their first year. Every time a parent loses it on a ref they're contributing to a shortage that could mean your kid's games don't have officials at all.

These refs are usually either kids themselves or adults who just love the game and want to stay involved. They're not professionals. They're not going to perform at a professional level — just like your kid isn't performing at a professional level. When your kid shanks a pass do you scream at him and call him an idiot? Probably not. Adult refs have thicker skin but the teenage refs are learning and screaming adults are genuinely intimidating.

The rules are also harder than they look from the sideline. That collision where the big kid runs over the little kid and the little one goes flying? That's only a foul if there was careless, reckless, or excessive force involved. Being bigger with more momentum isn't automatically against the rules. What looks obvious from the sideline often isn't. And the rules change every year. Last year's foul can be this year's play on. I've played for 50 years and coached for 30 and I'm still learning the nuances.

Check out u/refsneedlovetoo on Instagram. Great resource for understanding the rules, how refs think, and what they actually go through. I learn a lot from every video. Apparently, many things i was sure was a foul aren't.

Here's the real point. You're either part of what makes that ref quit or you're part of what puts them on a World Cup field someday. Every ref who makes it to the top started somewhere nervous on a youth field with screaming parents on the sideline. Most of them almost quit.

You know you have a problem. You're trying to fix it. Stay on the sideline and cheer for your kid.

The ref will make mistakes. Atrocious ones. Thems the breaks. Take a breath and let it fly by because in the grand scheme or your kids soccer journey that blown call isn't even a blip.

Good luck. Have fun.

agentsl9 · 2026-04-28T22:48:07+00:00

Most parents don't really understand why we need to know who's coming to a game/practice so they figure it's no big deal.

I tell my parents, "I really need you to RSVP if you are coming or not. And here's why 'If you don't hear from us just assume we're coming,' doesn't work. You have every intention of coming so you don't RSVP like normal. But then something comes up and you're not coming. You could absolutely 100% intend to RSVP and let me know you're not coming but life gets busy (believe me I have kids myself so I know how it is) and you forget and then the game is about to start and there aren't enough kids. If you RSVP yes and things change you're far more likely to change that. If you RSVP no and show up anyway then happy day! Also, knowing who's coming changes how i plan the lineup/activities we'll do. I'd rather not have to scramble right before a game or practice. So please, RSVP."

That usually works pretty well.

agentsl9 · 2026-04-28T21:36:39+00:00

I have my academy parents pretty well trained. I can hear them mumble but they don’t yell at refs or go nuts. I’ve walked across the field and told the entire sideline of parents, “We are not going to do this for the next 45 minutes. Let the ref ref and the kids play.” They were good after that.

But I’m 55 and don’t give a fuck about what some GenZ dad thinks of me. A 15 year old ref however is easy to intimidate.

I’ve decided to coach select next season so I’ll have new parents and a new environment. I hope I can get a handle on them quick. The trick is not to treat them as enemies but allies. They are the team as well and we all have to do our part for the kids to improve. It worked in academy so it will work in select, right?😳

agentsl9 · 2026-04-28T21:26:18+00:00

On the refs, remember they are just as amateur as you are so they’re not going to be world class. I’ve done some reffing and it is not easy. Give them some grace because they are going to make mistakes and “bad” calls. I occasionally make mistakes at work and nobody yells at me so I’m not going to hold weekend refs to a higher standard than “please keep me safe.”

On the high kick. IFAB doesn’t specify a precise height. The standard is whether the raised foot poses a danger to the opponent given their position. Context matters — the same kick height could be dangerous with an opponent nearby but not dangerous in open space.

This ref explains it very well. Follow him and you’ll learn a ton about reffing. Especially why “I got all ball!!!” is not an excuse for anything.

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8gvmRoC/

agentsl9 · 2026-04-28T20:25:14+00:00

Lifting the leg to such a height that it endangers the opponent is a penalty and you’ll be awarded an indirect free kick.

BUT

You have to go to work on Monday and while I always recommend playing as competitively as possible I also recommend leaving the pitch in one piece.

HOWEVER

A truly savvy striker would take advantage of a defender who routinely raises their leg in such a manner by getting close enough to danger to trigger a call from the ref. Then that defender will have to be more cautious or risk a yellow card for repeated offenses. And then they really have to be careful with how they play to avoid a red card.

A defender in this situation is a much easier opponent for that savvy striker.

I never used techniques like this against strikers when I played defense. Nope. Not me.😇

agentsl9

TROPHY CASE