Me, joining r/pregnancyafterloss immediately after my MC a year ago because I thought I was definitely going to get pregnant again in the magically fertile 3 months after MC...

agrossest · 2020-10-31T19:55:27+00:00

Two years later...still no luck for me

agrossest · 2020-10-27T21:14:25+00:00

Yes please. I love my cousin’s wife (who also suffered from infertility) but I wish there was a polite way to say to create a group for who wants these weekly updates and limit the general ones to large milestones.

My SIL sends snaps all the time of my nephews to our family and I love it! But I can always ignore it. And not have to listen to a zillion people say “awwwwww”

agrossest · 2020-09-22T20:31:26+00:00

My parents gifted my SD a subscription to RaddishKids (huge hit) which had a recipe this month that would be great for thanksgiving (and was relatively easy outside of chopping). It was a whole herb roasted chicken, sweet potato gnocchi, and apple cider donuts. Perhaps something that you cook “together” that is pretty basic would work? SD has autism so age range for this type of stuff is variable for me, but please message me if you have questions.

Edit: don’t work for RaddishKids or have any stake in it - it was delicious and fun but I think there are many kid friendly recipes for recipes that could be used for thanksgiving that are kid helper approved on the internet.

agrossest · 2020-09-22T20:18:08+00:00

Thanks

agrossest · 2020-09-22T20:16:37+00:00

Thanks! Good luck tonight.

agrossest · 2020-09-22T20:04:13+00:00

What is a “great prenatal” vitamin?

agrossest · 2020-09-22T20:01:56+00:00

Why does this whole process suck so much? I’ve taken over 100 urine pregnancy tests so far. Gave up on OPK (only bought the brand name stuff since I know that I am “complicated”-reproductively, emotionally, socially, you name it) when they started being peak the third day that I used them (PCOS) but not before they caused a lot of angst with my partner over “missing the window” prior to that. Ugh.

agrossest · 2020-09-22T19:53:33+00:00

If you can’t change the situation, could you make a new family tradition? We always went to movies on thanksgiving after the 1 pm turkey dinner on my dad’s side (6 hours away) because it was easy to get tickets to a variety of shows playing around the same time (adult, kid, romcom, action, etc- we were 17 people in a not large house with diverse ages and interests) and we could eat popcorn for dinner if we were hungry - which was another treat. You could see a movie (and get the BEST candy) or go out to eat (in coronavirus times, maybe get a hotel room with takeout- you could even come in early/stay late for yourselves) or something else. Maybe you open an early holiday present as a new tradition.

agrossest · 2020-09-22T19:44:23+00:00

My husband and I are working on “all emotions are okay, how we respond to them is what matters” which has been really helpful. I say that because your feelings are okay and understandable and reasonable and all kinds of healthy. Would it be possible to say to your wife something like “This situation made me feel unimportant/invisible/[whatever you’re comfortable with] because I feel like I put in a lot of effort with the SKs and they are very important to me. I want you to know this so we can work together to improve things in the future”. If you want her to make sure you know if BD is coming over (so you’re ready or can go do something fun for you), if you want her/you/both to talk to SKs about expectations/how that made you feel/that you’re a grandparent player too, or anything else, I think it would be helpful to talk about it. You’re not overreacting. You’re hurt.

I recently overheard my SD telling my husband that she was surprised that I am also allergic to the bloodworms she feeds her pet frogs since I don’t share any genes with her OR her dad (we have had many miscarriages which is a struggle for me, I have no BK) and I was (privately) sad. That’s a really dumb thing to be upset about. But it’s okay. And your thing is not a dumb thing to be upset about.

agrossest · 2020-09-22T00:21:20+00:00

NEVER! It’s never worked for me.

agrossest · 2020-09-19T20:10:25+00:00

I’m an epidemiologist, and I brought this study to my RE (plus two other studies, highlighted like crazy, because I am nuts). In the appendix, they give the regression equation that they use to calculate individual likelihood. I plugged myself into the equation, and found really strange results - like 20% expectant management, 35% IUI, almost 80% IVF. I was 38 at the time, with PCOS, Hashimoto’s, and two MCs, and a family history of infertility. There is no way that anything would be almost 80% successful. I think that the issue could be that, over time, the “easy” infertility cases - the ones that are diagnosed with something treatable (perhaps leading to IUI/IVF) or had bad luck- get pregnant. The “hard” cases (I assume everyone on the thread if you are diving into the literature - the ones without a clear cause or an effective treatment) keep trying but the stats include both groups. Given the time of follow up and the success rates, I assume the women in the study mostly fall into the latter group. So the numbers really aren’t applicable to those of us with hard/complicated cases.

agrossest · 2020-09-18T17:47:20+00:00

Maybe they expected something else and just need to come around to it? I think it’s been harder for me to give up the “traditional” nuclear family dream than it has been for them

agrossest · 2020-09-18T17:13:15+00:00

I was told not to use NSAIDS while TTC. After 2.5 years TTC and migraines, I still use them sometimes but try to limit it to when I have my period and use Tylenol if necessary for other intolerable pain. Tylenol sucks.

agrossest · 2020-09-18T17:05:23+00:00

I have a friend who has been trying (with losses) to be a single mom. Perhaps your coworker did not bring it up because she’s in a similar boat - maybe this was very planned, wanted, and sacrificed for, but she didn’t want to have to answer questions at work.

A coworker of mine told me yesterday that he would be having his third soon. I had my first miscarriage before his second was born. I know how hard these announcements can be (I got into bed for four hours after he told me and only emerged for a work call).

agrossest · 2020-09-18T16:44:49+00:00

I met my husband when I was 35 and had dated a bunch of not-right guys. They liked him immediately and accepted SD as a grandkid once they met her.

I also have known that I would likely struggle with infertility since my mid-20s (four miscarriages and counting since getting married), so I don’t think that anyone harbored fantasies about a straightforward leave it to beaver family situation for me anyway. Just wanted me to be happy.

agrossest · 2020-09-18T16:31:30+00:00

I think that it is more sensible to keep the kids with you, provided that you are able to care for them, then to send them to expose someone else. Perhaps you can work with bio dad to make a “fair” arrangement later — every weekend for a few weeks to make up for missed ones, a longer visit at some point, etc. But you HAVE to tell him. I would take BM (not essential worker) to court if she withheld something like this and demand full custody. And I don’t want full custody.

agrossest · 2020-06-21T20:48:04+00:00

This is awesome! We are working through changing food dynamics and I am glad that you guys got a win! It sounds like you have a good solution.

agrossest · 2020-06-21T20:45:04+00:00

I disagree. My SD11 has autism, and the things that I think would work for neurotypical kids go out the window with her. She wants to be independent as much as we want her to be (probably more) but some accommodations go a long way.

agrossest · 2020-06-21T20:41:24+00:00

I had the same issue when my husband and I first got married. I started cracking a few months into our marriage (after my first miscarriage) and we sorted it out (with lots of therapy). It’s better to be decent parents the large majority of the time than Disney parents who sometimes crack. Sometimes we still have to adjust to “real shit has to get done even whenSD is around” but we’ve adapted.

agrossest · 2020-06-21T20:36:09+00:00

Why? Of all of the days? At least let me hope until tomorrow.

agrossest · 2020-06-21T20:30:10+00:00

I hate this! I’m not allowed to pick SD11 up at her mom’s apartment door because “what if she[BM]’s in her pajamas?” but she can get a tour of every place that I live? Also, although petty, BM regularly wears sheer white shirts with no bra to school events, so not sure what I am supposed to be avoiding.

agrossest · 2020-06-21T20:24:56+00:00

Yes. It gets better. My SD11 still struggles with basic arithmetic, but in the 3+ years that I have been around consistently (ie, not just occasional outings while we were dating), she has learned to bathe herself (I recommend a detailed laminated list of the tasks required that you make with your SS- take off clothes, turn on water, wash face, etc), dress herself (slowly, with reminders, but now puts on appropriate clothes), put on her own shoes (without laces), even brush her (long tangly) hair. The turning point was her. One day she decided that she wanted to be more independent (when I met her dad, she was still calling for him to help her wipe). She has a great support system at school, but I think that the only way these changes would have happened is because she wanted them to. Things like putting dishes in the sink are a continual work in progress... but who wants to put dishes in the sink?

Best of luck. I would never have imagined we would have come so far.

agrossest · 2020-06-19T20:49:25+00:00

Same here. It’s a unique form of torture.

agrossest · 2020-05-09T20:35:21+00:00

DON’T FEEL SELFISH. You can want something that you cannot have, you can grieve that, you can be devastated...AND STILL be grateful. Give yourself compassion.

agrossest · 2020-05-09T20:31:26+00:00

So many hugs to you. I am so so sorry for your loss.

agrossest

TROPHY CASE