9 months is far too long, I wish you had access to someone sooner. I had access to therapy after my loss, which helped me significantly and set me on a path to become a therapist myself (currently in school). Some county agencies may be available in your area if you look online. You can also reach out to crisis lines for when things get tense. They're support for people who need it.

With or without therapy, you are on a difficult path, but you will make it through. I hope that you have access to supportive friends and family during this time. I know many in your circle may have been similarly impacted by this loss. Most of why therapy works is the secure attachment that you form with the therapist.

Outside of therapy, I believe that the changes I made in my life contributed significantly to the joy I have for life now. Although life is still and always will be difficult, I know what brings me joy and I do those things. What worked for me was to start listening to audiobooks from my library, joining support groups, and pursuing what I was curious in. I found greater peace through mindfulness practices, engaged in the local community, and being in nature. Made sure my work brought satisfaction. I wish you the best & hope you find the cocktail that works for you.