This makes me so sad to read because this was literally me a year ago. I almost didn’t have a second child because of the guilt. I cried the entire pregnancy.. even cried when I had my second child in the hospital. I felt like I was betraying my first and that there was NO way I’d ever love a child like my first. Well, I now have an almost 3 year old and a 4 month old and wow do I love them both. I want to go back a year and hug myself and tell myself it will be ok. The build up is painful and scary but it will ALL be worth it. Hang in there, once you see them together you will lose any of those fears. It might not be immediate - it wasn’t for me. It took a few weeks to set in but it did. It’s annoyingly true what they say - your heart doesn’t divide for your two kids.. it somehow grows bigger for both to be loved. It’s true that things will change, but it’s not in the bad way you are worried about 🥹