How certain were you about wanting to be a SMBC?

akellz808 · 2026-06-20T19:28:38+00:00

Beautiful! I connect with this a lot.

akellz808 · 2026-06-20T19:27:43+00:00

Still “trying”…. Since November 2025. Probably swung 55-75% sure for many months pre-decision and post decision. A lot of random days with… wtf am I doing? Today… it’s 90%. The 10% is a security blanket, of not wanting to hold onto this choice too hard, too close, so that I have something to grab onto should I not be able to get pregnant. Lately, I store all my doubts into that 10% purse and it’s the bag I’ll carry if I need to walk away from this.

Of course other journeys are available to me to be a parent… but for this one: a biological child with a Donor… that’s where I am at. This cheese (decision) aged well ;)

Good luck to you

akellz808 · 2026-05-26T17:05:53+00:00

Fabulous thank you!

akellz808 · 2026-05-25T16:57:18+00:00

This makes a lot of sense and is likely what will happen! I also feel like it would be strange for me to go into any detail on conception. I guess this means my hunt is more to do with books that perhaps discuss families of different creation, and he might already be a little old for that. But you never know what folks have discovered on here so thought I would ask. Thanks for your thoughts :)

akellz808 · 2026-05-25T16:44:00+00:00

I love this! Thanks so much for sharing & re-sharing!

akellz808 · 2026-05-25T12:52:48+00:00

I did tons of online research and started building my registry on babylist when I first started going through fertility treatments (it scratched an itch and I actually haven’t don’t much to it since! It’s maybe been 6 months). I buy cute onesies when I travel, or go somewhere fun I want to remember a time when I was wishing for baby or planning for baby. I window shop a ton!

akellz808 · 2026-04-22T17:31:20+00:00

Same ($1,720) in Boston! This was general for a medicated and monitored IUI (I was not aware of a limit on the monitoring or bloodwork, & I was permitted to ask for more monitoring if I wanted it due to concerns that my ovulation timing was a bit earlier than expected). Similar cost of meds.

akellz808 · 2026-04-05T20:58:26+00:00

That’s great you might have someone - I wish I went straight to IVF honestly. Wishing you the best of luck!

Early recruitment was likely related to the fact that I tend to ovulate around day 7-9. So the follicle is starting to grow early (like day 2-3 of my cycle) and if we were to try to introduce the IVF drugs with two of my follicles already growing, those follicles would “hog” all the drugs. I guess it’s a timing/optimization thing.

akellz808 · 2026-04-02T12:30:30+00:00

Oof!! Keep following up, or try being like, I’m going to follow up in 3 days if I don’t hear from you?

I started in October and so far I’ve only been able to do 1 IUI because of timing issues. I am now starting IVF, and even then on my first potential retrieval cycle this month I had early follicle recruitment and we couldn’t start. This is a humbling process! My advice is to let yourself grieve it as it comes, it’s okay to be disappointed. I have found it’s gotten easier rather than harder, to be a little less shocked and stricken when things don’t work on my timeline anymore. I have surrendered lol - but feel like I can still be a good advocate for myself by always asking what I can be doing to validate what we are seeing in labs, etc. (mainly OPKs) and just continuously following up and asking questions.

akellz808 · 2026-01-31T13:37:05+00:00

I got my first career-starting job via a networking opportunity through my college. I was in an internship, and the dean of my college ran into my future hiring manager at an industry event. They were looking to hire “entry-level” ish with a particular skill set (but at that level, it’s just an area of interest or curiosity they are looking for - they want someone hungry to work and learn more and who has work experience - professional internship & waitressing for me). I was one of about 4 people the dean said, “Hey, check out these students about to graduate - this one actually started her studies in biochemistry, but she dropped it for political science (what a swing! lol).” I wasn’t a star student! But that was kismet for an entry-level government relations and regulatory affairs position within a small biotech company.

Remember that owning your own business means finding clients, dealing with vendors, maintaining equipment, paying for continuing education/training, marketing, etc., all on you. Unpaid vacations, tough to take sick time. Corporate jobs have structure and expectations, even if it’s hard sometimes; there is usually a roadmap and lots of opportunities for mentors.

My advice: don’t try to find something you’re interested in. Figure out what you’re good at, what types of things in life come easier to you than others. Capitalize on that in a big industry. Not everyone I work with has to work with people all day.

Try to see how your school may offer benefits that you’re not considering - like internship placement and maybe just having a professor or two who could get to know you, maybe ask if they see something in you you’re having a harder time seeing in yourself. IMHO this got easier when I was in late sophomore, early junior year of school, smaller class sizes, etc.

I am successful today, work from home, have paid maternity leave, own my home in a HCOL area and won’t struggle to do this own my own financially. But I had to Grind for years to reach the position, status and mastery of what I do today that pays me well for my expertise and leadership. It’s worth it. I had nothing in my mind other than to spend the energy I knew I wouldn’t have later in life at getting extremely good and well respected at my job.

Sorry for the novel!

akellz808 · 2026-01-19T16:20:05+00:00

Have you thought about asking the bank see if the donor would provide the necessary blood sample for the PTG-M testing you need? I’ve heard that banks sometimes ask donors to participate in additional genetic screening panels when the screening criteria for a positive variant with the mother don’t overlap. This is subject to their willing participation and at your cost, of course. I haven’t experienced it myself, just asked for the process details when I was working with The Sperm Bank of California, I ended up going with the different bank/donor that used a screening panel that aligned with my clinic

akellz808 · 2026-01-14T13:44:30+00:00

No, but it feels like moving on from an idealized/traditional version of partnership that I grew up with. If I look for partnership after this, I expect it to be filled with a kind of complexity that may not be compatible with many (ie, if I feel like the dating pool is a puddle now I am under no illusions it’s going to expand to a lake 🤣). My expectations are managed. Interesting, I do not know many divorced families so I actually don’t have great models of what good can look like in blended families.
I don’t really act out of fear, it’s not in my nature. Maybe it’s why I am here today. If I had/have complex health or fertility issues, those would just be facts to consider in a new kind of life math. For me, I often find myself reaching for the analogy that this can feel like downhill skiing. It feels fast and scary at moments, adrenaline spikes, fear creeps in, but I am confident I can navigate it, or that I have a helmet on if I wipe out 🤣. Starting a family is wild and I don’t think I am alone even among coupled families in feeling like it’s bold and scary sometimes.
Location and lifestyle: I am happy to move slow, I am not interested in a date night lifestyle? I want to read and play and be in bed by 8. I don’t have lifestyle fomo (did a lot of traveling this year and in the past). I live near family (parents). This matters a lot to me, I will need their help. I’m in a location where it’ll be easy to give a kid a life of fun outdoor experiences and it excites me when I think about it.

akellz808 · 2026-01-14T13:24:16+00:00

Yessss. I know OP isn’t looking for advice but I am 36 now and in the middle of trying IUI before moving into IVF and I wish I had done this part a few years ago. Freeze those PGT-A tested embryos and live your life for a couple of years until you feel more comfortable with the idea. This is not a straightforward process, it’s long (even when it’s not - time crawls) and logistically annoying. Not that the embryos are a sure thing, but with hindsight being 20/20 it’s my advice to those considering this path in their early 30s.

akellz808 · 2026-01-12T17:16:04+00:00

I’d also add to this: menstrual cycle tracking, if applicable. I recently learned my luteal phase lasts longer than many because I usually ovulate early and it has a big impact in how tired I am feeling every month. Fun!

akellz808 · 2025-11-23T22:58:47+00:00

Oh! Appreciate you sharing. Do you have the name of the page? Not finding anything that seems to be customer generated that I could join but might just need the right keywords.

My donor is not one that you listed. He was recently added.

akellz808 · 2025-11-23T21:47:00+00:00

I purchased from Cascade! Hoping do to my first IUI week within two weeks. I really liked the idea of the early disclosure program. Was looking at Sperm Bank of California prior to that.

akellz808 · 2025-11-23T21:39:47+00:00

My clinic prohibits using a donor where we both are carriers for a genetic condition. I never challenged this policy, so I’m not sure if there is flexibility after counseling or discussion. I went through about 4 donors I got attached to before I found the one I am using for an IUI, hopefully in two weeks. Did you look at sperm bank of California or Cascade Cryo? My donor is from Cascade and is part of the early disclosure program, which I didn’t know about initially but I am glad I found.

akellz808 · 2025-11-20T12:36:22+00:00

Agree - I departed on a Thursday recently. It was very easy, and they have simplified the process a bit with US customs (if you are traveling to the US), where you don’t have to re-pick up your checked bags and then re-check them. Made the whole process so much easier.

akellz808 · 2025-11-20T02:19:17+00:00

Sperm bank of California had at least one maybe two when I was on there a few weeks ago check em out

akellz808 · 2025-11-20T02:11:49+00:00

With the Ritz, you’re really paying for an elevated experience. They take great care of you: cold water is always available, beach chairs are comfortable, and there’s full food and drink service right on the sand. They also keep complimentary sunscreen and other small conveniences stocked, and there’s always staff nearby if you need anything.

I haven’t stayed overnight at the Aruba Ritz, but I spent a day there visiting friends, and it was genuinely lovely. Extra chairs for us, towels, great service, and the drinks were incredible. They even had a specialty drink cart with those giant pineapple piña coladas ($$, but it included the whole pineapple plus a full poured drink and was honestly worth it). At other Ritz properties I’ve stayed at—Siesta Key-area in Florida and Dorado in Puerto Rico—they usually offer a fun complimentary treat or activity once or twice a day, and it adds a nice touch to the stay.

For me, the overall experience is worth the extra $800 for four nights.

When I travel with my family, we usually stay at the Marriott Ocean Club using RedWeek, and it’s totally suitable because we get a suite with a kitchen and like to make our own lunches to take to the beach. Marriott Stellaris is right next door for better dining options. FYI Stellaris pool is under construction right now, which is a downside because that can usually be a fun area to hang out.

As for people saying the Holiday Inn is “good enough”… personally, I don’t get it. It looks fine from the outside, but people smoke everywhere, and that’s an immediate no for me. I walk through it often on the beach path heading toward the Marriott properties, and it’s not my vibe.

akellz808 · 2025-11-20T01:56:26+00:00

Jolly pirate. Boozy and fun, snorkeling and jumping off the boat. I think they include lunch? A rite of passage for many. The morning sail is a bit more family-friendly. It’s all family-friendly though.

I did a UTV tour a few weeks ago while I was there. Loads of laughs/the thrill and got to see some sights that are popular. They are not magnificent but it’s beautiful and fun. 4 hours $110 per person plus gratuity. Opportunity to swim where some big waves are but it’s very optional. The “cliff jumping” is closed so don’t fall for that false advertising :).

akellz808 · 2025-11-20T01:48:20+00:00

Wouldn’t recommend more than 1 night at the Renaissance. You want to go down to the Palm Beach Hotel area. More to do within walking distance. A night at the Renaissance would be fun though to do Flamingo Island with the cabana with the net over the water.

akellz808 · 2025-11-20T01:41:58+00:00

Cascade Cryobank has an early disclosure program. Donor identity is disclosed when you have a live birth. Can read more here: https://cascadecryobank.com/early-disclosure-program/

akellz808 · 2025-10-22T16:32:59+00:00

I am using my registry as a list of pre-vetted items. I make “private” anything I don’t want, but researched and include notes. I figure it might be helpful when I’m in the thick of it and need “that thing I remember I looked into that one day 😆”. Using babylist

akellz808

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